MM tells me he has feelings for me

[RebeccaR]

2 hours ago, lovebuzz said:

For a cheater, he seems to tell the truth a lot.

He’s telling you what you want to hear. Of course therefore you accept it as the truth.

[anika99]

7 hours ago, lovebuzz said:

I have the whole package and am a better catch than the other people he cheated with.  Something he did tell me in other words.

I was wondering how a woman your age could be so easily fooled but then I see that your husband passed away just a couple of years ago and for that I am sorry. Perhaps if you were married for many years and out of the dating pool that would explain how it is that you are still so naive at your mature age. 

Cheaters cheat. Serial cheaters cheat. Good honest worthwhile men get divorced when they are unhappily married, they don't cheat. Of course he tells you that you are the best, better than the rest. That's what he tells all of them. He's married and no woman is going to want him unless he flatters her pants off. Do you seriously that your declining good looks and tennis playing surpasses the years of family and history he has with his wife of 38yrs? He has children and grandchildren and I'm guessing he would like to remain in their lives in his senior years. If he leave their mom and grandma for another woman you best believe the kids and grandkids are going to rally around his wife and he will be pushed out. Oh the kids might stay in touch with him, have the occasional strained dinner with him, a brief trip to the park to play with the kids, etc. But he will no longer be welcome at Christmas dinners, birthdays, holiday events,  family dinners, etc, because his wife will be there and that would just be too awkward and painful. None of them will want to meet you and you will never be included. If his wife has been a stay at home wife and mother he will be sharing all of his assets and retirement funds with her as well as paying alimony. Do you really think he's going to throw away so very much just because your better looking and you play tennis? I mean come on now. 

And if by some miracle this dishonest cheating man did get divorced (will only happen if his wife ditches him) you best believe that he will be cheating on you too. Do you really think that you are the only lonely widow/divorcee/single woman in her sixties who is eager for attention from a charming doctor? It's pretty slim pickings for women in their 50's and 60's who are looking for man who won't use them for sex or money and who is still somewhat good looking. Some women would stay away from him now because he's married and that might be a line in the sand that they won't cross but once he is divorced he's going to be a hot commodity and have his pick of women in their early 60's and younger. Furthermore if he did want to salvage his relationship with his kids and grandkids they would be much more likely to accept a woman who is brand new in his life rather than the woman who cheated with their married father and contributed to the break up of his marriage. I'm sorry to be harsh but you gotta get your head out of the clouds and come back down to earth. This man is not your happily ever after. 

[lovebuzz]

33 minutes ago, anika99 said:

I was wondering how a woman your age could be so easily fooled but then I see that your husband passed away just a couple of years ago and for that I am sorry. Perhaps if you were married for many years and out of the dating pool that would explain how it is that you are still so naive at your mature age. 

Cheaters cheat. Serial cheaters cheat. Good honest worthwhile men get divorced when they are unhappily married, they don't cheat. Of course he tells you that you are the best, better than the rest. That's what he tells all of them. He's married and no woman is going to want him unless he flatters her pants off. Do you seriously that your declining good looks and tennis playing surpasses the years of family and history he has with his wife of 38yrs? He has children and grandchildren and I'm guessing he would like to remain in their lives in his senior years. If he leave their mom and grandma for another woman you best believe the kids and grandkids are going to rally around his wife and he will be pushed out. Oh the kids might stay in touch with him, have the occasional strained dinner with him, a brief trip to the park to play with the kids, etc. But he will no longer be welcome at Christmas dinners, birthdays, holiday events,  family dinners, etc, because his wife will be there and that would just be too awkward and painful. None of them will want to meet you and you will never be included. If his wife has been a stay at home wife and mother he will be sharing all of his assets and retirement funds with her as well as paying alimony. Do you really think he's going to throw away so very much just because your better looking and you play tennis? I mean come on now. 

And if by some miracle this dishonest cheating man did get divorced (will only happen if his wife ditches him) you best believe that he will be cheating on you too. Do you really think that you are the only lonely widow/divorcee/single woman in her sixties who is eager for attention from a charming doctor? It's pretty slim pickings for women in their 50's and 60's who are looking for man who won't use them for sex or money and who is still somewhat good looking. Some women would stay away from him now because he's married and that might be a line in the sand that they won't cross but once he is divorced he's going to be a hot commodity and have his pick of women in their early 60's and younger. Furthermore if he did want to salvage his relationship with his kids and grandkids they would be much more likely to accept a woman who is brand new in his life rather than the woman who cheated with their married father and contributed to the break up of his marriage. I'm sorry to be harsh but you gotta get your head out of the clouds and come back down to earth. This man is not your happily ever after. 

I just think that if a woman has been cheated on multiple times during her marriage and cannot trust her husband, then how can they possibly be happy living together every day.  If he stays in the marriage then he would be trading daily happiness for continuing to spend special occasions with the family. 

Although it would not be the same, he still will have a relationship with his children if not married to their Mother.  Many people get divorced and have to deal with this change. 

Life is short and you might as well choose happiness.  It's even shorter at our age.  There are adverse consequences either way. 

The wife would be free to find someone else who she can trust.  When one door closes another opens for her as well.

if his children resented me for contributing to the break up of his marriage, I personally would not have a problem if he wanted to spend time alone with them.  Everyone comes with baggage at this stage of the game.

I am also not concerned about his finding anyone else and cheating on me.   It's a risk and I'm okay with taking it.

 

[Carlon]

3 hours ago, lovebuzz said:

For a cheater, he seems to tell the truth a lot.

His truth.

[Carlon]

4 minutes ago, lovebuzz said:

if his children resented me for contributing to the break up of his marriage, I personally would not have a problem if he wanted to spend time alone with them.  

I suspect no Disneyland trips with you and them in the foreseeable future.

[lovebuzz]

4 minutes ago, Carlon said:

I suspect no Disneyland trips with you and them in the foreseeable future.

No.  His children are in their 30's.  Grandpa probably wont go to Disneyland with them.

[Carlon]

I was being sarcastic about the whole Disneyland thing.

Your priorities are severely twisted to the point of being irrational.

[lovebuzz]

Just now, Carlon said:

I was being sarcastic about the whole Disneyland thing.

Your priorities are severely twisted to the point of being irrational.

Really, which priorities?  The priority of MM being happy more days of the year than not being happy?  Or the priority of letting his wife free so she can find someone she can trust?  Or the priority of just living the last decade or two of your life with whom you want?

[Carlon]

The priority being that this guy is MARRIED to his WIFE and you are TRESPASSING.

[lovebuzz]

5 minutes ago, Carlon said:

The priority being that this guy is MARRIED to his WIFE and you are TRESPASSING.

 

I am not pursuing him.  He is pursuing me.  I am not planning to have sex with him unless he files for divorce.  I don't contact him.  I am not influencing him.  He makes his own decisions.  I did not start making out with him.  It was his doing.  All I did was let him know I am interested should he decide to leave his marriage.

[lovebuzz]

Which is worse... trespassing or cheating?  Is it really trespassing if the cheater is intiating?

[lovebuzz]

Which is worse his habit for jumping into bed with cute strangers or my craving for unavailable men?  Ebony and Ivory

Edited December 1, 2021 by lovebuzz

[Carlon]

You're enabling and allowing yourself to get involved and intimate with a man who has a wife at home.

You dear are just as at fault as he is. Well maybe not "quite" as bad since you didn't make lifelong vows to the woman who is being lied to and deceived and betrayed.

But buying into his meaningless compliments as if they are sincere is rather naive to say the least and the lack of thought or care for the damage you are directly or indirectly inflicting on his family, while shrugging it off and saying "it's ok with me if the kids don't like me" is rather disturbing.

[lovebuzz]

2 minutes ago, Carlon said:

You're enabling and allowing yourself to get involved and intimate with a man who has a wife at home.

You dear are just as at fault as he is. Well maybe not "quite" as bad since you didn't make lifelong vows to the woman who is being lied to and deceived and betrayed.

But buying into his meaningless compliments as if they are sincere is rather naive to say the least and the lack of thought or care for the damage you are directly or indirectly inflicting on his family, while shrugging it off and saying "it's ok with me if the kids don't like me" is rather disturbing.

 

I would know if his compliments are insincere, I am not that naive.  He may exaggerate them slightly but they are based somewhat on the truth. Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies.

His 30 something year old kids should be able to understand that their Dad deserves to be happy too.  Why should he stay in a marriage just because his grown kids who haven't lived in the house for years will miss him a few times a year at an event?  I'm sure he can make up for it at another time. 

As for me not caring if his kids don't like me... it is not ideal... but also not a deal breaker.  It's natural and understanding... I would feel the same if I were them.  As long as he has a relationship with them is all that matters.   They don't need to have a relationship with me if they don't want to.  They are his kids, not mine.  Everybody comes with baggage when you are older.... not just married cheaters.

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, lovebuzz said:

Life is short and you might as well choose happiness. 

Well, you know all logic has gone out the window when you start with these kind of statements.
 

[lovebuzz]

12 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Well, you know all logic has gone out the window when you start with these kind of statements.
 

It all depends on the alternative.  Happiness over missing some holidays vs daily unhappiness.  You can't have it all.

[RebeccaR]

21 hours ago, lovebuzz said:

He said he would rather her file for a divorce than him because he feels guilty and doesn't want to hurt her. 

If he already feels guilty and his kids don’t know anything yet, good luck. Once they know, the guilt will be magnified 1000x.

[BaileyB]

8 hours ago, lovebuzz said:

He is pursuing me.

He was pursing you - past tense. He has since run home to tell his wife and she/they sent you a cease and desist email. It’s done.

[Carlon]

8 hours ago, lovebuzz said:

I would know if his compliments are insincere, I am not that naive.

He showered his wife with those very same compliments.

Look where that got her.

Either way,  you've been effectively dumped, it's time to try to find another unavailable guy to occupy yourself with.

[Starswillshine]

In the words of my sweet, late, little southern grandma... "Bless your heart, child." 

Words are just words. I take it as a good sign that you are in yours 60s and you have not realized this yet. It means most people in your life were honest people. This man is NOT honest. While I know it seems flattering to think that you are just so special that while he lies to everyone else in his life, he would be completely honest with you, but it does not work that way with people that are so flawed. 

[lovebuzz]

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

He was pursing you - past tense. He has since run home to tell his wife and she/they sent you a cease and desist email. It’s done.

This is true.  However this man is a love and sex addict.  He almost has a license to cheat.  Most likely he will pursue again.  I don't think  he has enough self control.

[lovebuzz]

29 minutes ago, Carlon said:

He showered his wife with those very same compliments.

Look where that got her.

Either way,  you've been effectively dumped, it's time to try to find another unavailable guy to occupy yourself with.

He has an addiction.  He'll be back.

[lovebuzz]

39 minutes ago, Starswillshine said:

In the words of my sweet, late, little southern grandma... "Bless your heart, child." 

Words are just words. I take it as a good sign that you are in yours 60s and you have not realized this yet. It means most people in your life were honest people. This man is NOT honest. While I know it seems flattering to think that you are just so special that while he lies to everyone else in his life, he would be completely honest with you, but it does not work that way with people that are so flawed. 

He hasn't promised me anything.  All he said was he has feelings for me and he is confused.  He didn't tell me he loves me.  It is too soon.  I think that he is telling me the truth.  If he didn't have feelings for me, he wouldn't have done all the projects he has done for me in my house.  He also helped me solve an issue I had with someone else (non romantic).  He helped me with my websites...something in my car, etc.  He has done things for me without me asking him to do them. Why would he invest so much time doing all those things?  This is how men show love IMO.  It doesn't need to be verbal.  I don't think I am naive.

Edited December 1, 2021 by lovebuzz

[vla1120]

10 hours ago, lovebuzz said:

Which is worse his habit for jumping into bed with cute strangers or my craving for unavailable men?  Ebony and Ivory

Why do you crave unavailable men? Is it because you believe something must be wrong with a man who is single/available at our age? I'll admit, I am a betrayed spouse. It was my best friend who had an affair with my husband. In her case, it was the fact that she was 39 and was unable to have children. I had a surprise pregnancy at 35. She was jealous and "punished" me by making the moves on my husband because I had something she could not have. What is your reason for craving unavailable men? Are you jealous of the wife because she has a man you apparently believe is out of her league? I"m curious. Seriously. Why go after unavailable men? I hope you will take a little time to self-evaluate. Surely a woman so self-assured and confident doesn't really need to go after another woman's man.

[Starswillshine]

11 minutes ago, lovebuzz said:

 He has done things for me without me asking him to do them. Why would he invest so much time doing all those things

Because he gets something out of it. He gets admiration from you. He gets to be the big hero. The problem is again you are thinking with a monogamous mind. And also thinking of the stereotypical "player " who is a bed em and ditch sort. This man is well passed that. I'm sure he is loving all the attention and admiration you are giving him. I am certain this is all very exciting for him. And he will continue at it until he is bored with it and finds his next victim. 

If you are OK being his mistress and one of many, continue on. But that is all you will get from this. And for most women that equals unfathomable amount of pain.