I got used as a rebound guy and left in the dust - Why?

[gringoloco]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Talk to your therapist about "catastrophizing"

Look I really had a major crush on her

First time it happened to me since I met the person i stayed with for 3 years until 2018

She made me believe she was feeling the same up until that very evening

Obviously I m feeling like s*** - I helped her feel better - and I am left completely down and just a collateral damage of their relationship.

She pretended to care about my exam all the time well she should see how it affects my work now….

Edited December 13, 2021 by elpandillero

[Logic10]

22 hours ago, Lexmar said:

Just because someone (possibly unknowingly at the time) gets involved in a rebound relationship with a person and then subsequently later on realizes they still want to reconcile with their ex- doesn't mean they have "low moral standards". You can disparage her all you want to make yourself feel better about everything but that's not the least bit true.

You could have been right about her from the start, she could be a great person, and a wonderful relationship partner, and she just might be- to her ex who is now her current boyfriend. It's all about the timing. I doubt he feels the same way that you do about her.

 

The lying shows low moral standards. Sounds like she used OP to make her ex jealous and always had it in the back of her mind to get back with him in the end. Hopefully OP uses this as a lesson to never get seriously involved with someone fresh out of a committed relationship.

[beentheredonethat77]

OP,  I have read entire thread and wanted to post as i see a lot of red flags and unhealthy patterns here.   I think it may help the healing process to not view things through such a Black / White lens, things arn't all or nothing.    She can have confusion over her feelings and need a minute to sort them out.   She can still care about you but want to be back with her ex-boyfriend.  She can still kiss you and cry and break up with you and still be happy to be going back to her boyfriend and not be an evil person.   Multiple, concurrent and conflicting emotions are just the complex tapestry of human psyche/ nature.  Its not all or nothing. 

I do think you were a rebound and she did have unresolved feelings for her ex coming into the relationship, however that doesn't mean shes evil for taking all this pent up loving and sexual energy and pouring it on you.   Im a giver in relationshps and i know that once a relationship ends, i need to take my nurturing, loving, giving energy somewhere as the ex has left a hole.   If she'd been in a healthier mindset she would have turned it inward to herself and her friendships -- she instead took a less heathy route and rebounded.  Does this make her evil? no... just a flawed human like all of us.

Putting aside whats been covered with the 'classic rebound guy' theory -- there are a few other things worth considering here and maybe even helpful to you in moving forward and growing from this.  

 

1. Getting over her Lying about being sick - Who hasn't done this at some point in their lives to avoid work, exam, buy time in a relationship/skip an event ?   Its just one of those imperfect things human beings do.   "lying straight for 20 minutes" on a phone call to buy more time to sort out best approach for a break up is not perfect but it hardly qualifies her as an evil person.  Some people may think this is low moral standards, others may think keeping FWB / Sex friends is Low moral standards --as women are so often hurt in these situations; i think none of us are perfect and all too often we handle situations poorly and learn aftewards and try to do better -- doesn't make us disordered or of low moral standing.   

2. Your seething anger  Red Flag  --  My experience is that we ladies are extremely intuitive when it comes to sensing how safe we are emotionally in a relationship and whether we are with the kind of partner we have may have to walk on egg shells with; are we dating someone who may fly off the handle if things dont go their way or their ego is bruised? . IF they are rejected or taken by surprise unpleasantly do they flip out and become furious and cutting with their words? . Its highly possible that she was some  hints of this aggressiveness in your personality throughout your time dating and it started to erode her budding feelings for you.   I have been hurt and been guilty of hurting in relationships over the years, but ive found how someone handles things is testament to their character.  Im fortunate not to have dated someone who hurled nasty cutting remarks, i would feel like i dodged a major bullet if i did.   She wasn't married to you, she dated you when she wasn't ready and her heart and mind were in two places for a period of weeks -- it happens, it hurts but its far from an unforgivable offense IMO.       Whatever you texted/yelled at her as the break up happened was probably scary and hurtful too -- if you worry she got away unscathed, she didn't -- that would have been terrible for her too.  Nobody wants to end a relationship and leave being verbally attacked.

3. Ego -- If you're going to take inventory of your own part in this (which is the smartest thing you can do -as its the only way to avoid making same mistakes again0 , take a look at your ego and ask yourself the hard questions.  Do you lack of humility and tend to have a sense of entitlement generally? You have mentioned several times that this type of thing has never happened to you before, that you were always the dumper, that you're handsome and ambitious and better than her ex -- Do you sense that perhaps you feel as though you're too good to be dumped, overlooked or used as a rebound guy? --- Maybe realizing that you are just human like everybodyelse, flawed and needing to feel safe and loved may help you see her in the same light.   Two people who made mistakes and got caught up in what felt like a safe place for their heart, and were both wrong.   Lessons learned all around.

4. Im someone who shows enormous affection in relationships as its just the way my personality is, its not manipulation, i just enjoy showering the object of my affection with feel good comments and actions.   I will say though, if its not returned over time in some way and becomes a one way street -- it does cause problems.  Im not saying this was case with you and your ex -- but there is a lot of talk of things she did for you -(the cooking, the energy she used up supporting and cheering you on, the selfless giving sex you describe (sure she enjoyed it too, but one orgasm isn't rocking anybodys world, despite her only having 3 ever).   Anyway, just somethignelse to think about -- how much did you give to HER in the relationship? Perhaps her ex (with whom she described to you as more just 'friendly' -- may have delivered in that department ..he may have given her the type of energy she gave you and she missed that.   

Of course there is the chance she plotted this thing from the start and it was one big conspiracy to use you .. but im going to say based on what you've told us she did with / for you .. she was just a woman with unresolved feelings of love for her ex that ended a relationship with him prematurely.   She made some poor choices but righted them in a short time frame.  She did not drag on some double life or carry on her lie -- she told relatively (to most people) quickly and to your face (takes courage).  

Anyway, im so sorry you are still suffering.. i do feel acceptance and humility are keys to moving forward and growing from this.  You really make 2022 your year to take it slowly and find someone truly special and develop a strong foundation that feels better than any 8 week fling.  You are in charge of what happens next. 

 

 

Edited December 14, 2021 by beentheredonethat77

[gringoloco]

2 hours ago, beentheredonethat77 said:

OP,  I have read entire thread and wanted to post as i see a lot of red flags and unhealthy patterns here.   I think it may help the healing process to not view things through such a Black / White lens, things arn't all or nothing.    She can have confusion over her feelings and need a minute to sort them out.   She can still care about you but want to be back with her ex-boyfriend.  She can still kiss you and cry and break up with you and still be happy to be going back to her boyfriend and not be an evil person.   Multiple, concurrent and conflicting emotions are just the complex tapestry of human psyche/ nature.  Its not all or nothing. 

I do think you were a rebound and she did have unresolved feelings for her ex coming into the relationship, however that doesn't mean shes evil for taking all this pent up loving and sexual energy and pouring it on you.   Im a giver in relationshps and i know that once a relationship ends, i need to take my nurturing, loving, giving energy somewhere as the ex has left a hole.   If she'd been in a healthier mindset she would have turned it inward to herself and her friendships -- she instead took a less heathy route and rebounded.  Does this make her evil? no... just a flawed human like all of us.

Putting aside whats been covered with the 'classic rebound guy' theory -- there are a few other things worth considering here and maybe even helpful to you in moving forward and growing from this.  

 

1. Getting over her Lying about being sick - Who hasn't done this at some point in their lives to avoid work, exam, buy time in a relationship/skip an event ?   Its just one of those imperfect things human beings do.   "lying straight for 20 minutes" on a phone call to buy more time to sort out best approach for a break up is not perfect but it hardly qualifies her as an evil person.  Some people may think this is low moral standards, others may think keeping FWB / Sex friends is Low moral standards --as women are so often hurt in these situations; i think none of us are perfect and all too often we handle situations poorly and learn aftewards and try to do better -- doesn't make us disordered or of low moral standing.   

2. Your seething anger  Red Flag  --  My experience is that we ladies are extremely intuitive when it comes to sensing how safe we are emotionally in a relationship and whether we are with the kind of partner we have may have to walk on egg shells with; are we dating someone who may fly off the handle if things dont go their way or their ego is bruised? . IF they are rejected or taken by surprise unpleasantly do they flip out and become furious and cutting with their words? . Its highly possible that she was some  hints of this aggressiveness in your personality throughout your time dating and it started to erode her budding feelings for you.   I have been hurt and been guilty of hurting in relationships over the years, but ive found how someone handles things is testament to their character.  Im fortunate not to have dated someone who hurled nasty cutting remarks, i would feel like i dodged a major bullet if i did.   She wasn't married to you, she dated you when she wasn't ready and her heart and mind were in two places for a period of weeks -- it happens, it hurts but its far from an unforgivable offense IMO.       Whatever you texted/yelled at her as the break up happened was probably scary and hurtful too -- if you worry she got away unscathed, she didn't -- that would have been terrible for her too.  Nobody wants to end a relationship and leave being verbally attacked.

3. Ego -- If you're going to take inventory of your own part in this (which is the smartest thing you can do -as its the only way to avoid making same mistakes again0 , take a look at your ego and ask yourself the hard questions.  Do you lack of humility and tend to have a sense of entitlement generally? You have mentioned several times that this type of thing has never happened to you before, that you were always the dumper, that you're handsome and ambitious and better than her ex -- Do you sense that perhaps you feel as though you're too good to be dumped, overlooked or used as a rebound guy? --- Maybe realizing that you are just human like everybodyelse, flawed and needing to feel safe and loved may help you see her in the same light.   Two people who made mistakes and got caught up in what felt like a safe place for their heart, and were both wrong.   Lessons learned all around.

4. Im someone who shows enormous affection in relationships as its just the way my personality is, its not manipulation, i just enjoy showering the object of my affection with feel good comments and actions.   I will say though, if its not returned over time in some way and becomes a one way street -- it does cause problems.  Im not saying this was case with you and your ex -- but there is a lot of talk of things she did for you -(the cooking, the energy she used up supporting and cheering you on, the selfless giving sex you describe (sure she enjoyed it too, but one orgasm isn't rocking anybodys world, despite her only having 3 ever).   Anyway, just somethignelse to think about -- how much did you give to HER in the relationship? Perhaps her ex (with whom she described to you as more just 'friendly' -- may have delivered in that department ..he may have given her the type of energy she gave you and she missed that.   

Of course there is the chance she plotted this thing from the start and it was one big conspiracy to use you .. but im going to say based on what you've told us she did with / for you .. she was just a woman with unresolved feelings of love for her ex that ended a relationship with him prematurely.   She made some poor choices but righted them in a short time frame.  She did not drag on some double life or carry on her lie -- she told relatively (to most people) quickly and to your face (takes courage).  

Anyway, im so sorry you are still suffering.. i do feel acceptance and humility are keys to moving forward and growing from this.  You really make 2022 your year to take it slowly and find someone truly special and develop a strong foundation that feels better than any 8 week fling.  You are in charge of what happens next. 

 

 

Thank you for taking the time to write this, I really appreciate

Some answers to your points:

1 - She lied not only about being ill and worried she would give me covid, but also about the fact she saw her ex that evening. From that basis, I assume by extension she slept with him that evening, especially since she went on and said « nothing happened » « i never cheated on you » while crying - followed by a « you don’t deserve this »….my guess is she must have felt pretty guilty of whatever she had done that evening…i will never know for sure but i know she didn’t sleep until 3 am while she told me she was going to bed at 11… I don’t think they were playing scrabble, especially if she suddenly realized she had feelings for him…

2- I never showed the slightest sign of anger during our time together. On the contrary, I was probably too nice with her. I reacted in an agressive way because I was hurt and shocked. That’s mostly because she really made me believe up to the very end that we were rock solid. She sent that line that I can’t forget « I’ll support you through anything » the day before this happened. To which I replied « works both ways » and she said « I know you showed it me by how you supported me through my medical issues (she had a biopsy to do) and It means the world to me ». I resented her because she shouldn’t have used such strong words if she wasn’t sure. That same evening she was like « I really like you, I want to spend more time with you, we should do more sleepovers, etc… ». I got angry when hearing her « confession » because i felt betrayed more than anything. It was just 8 weeks, but I opened up to her as I thought she was genuine, and I thought she meant what she was saying which is obviously not the case if a day later she was back with the ex…

Also I was extremely worried when she had to go get her stuff at her ex. Couldn’t sleep the night before. I put my ego aside and accepted that she would go, and she sensed i wasn’t feeling great about it she even said « thank you for being understanding and offering to help ».

So obviously when things happened exactly like I thought they would after I had stressed about it so much, it drove me nuts….

I wish I hadn’t sent that text maybe - but I wanted to hurt her as much as I felt hurt. I wish things had ended in a better way, but the 360 turn she did on me was just too brutal - that’s the only reaction i was able to have…

Should i apologize? i don’t know. If she actually cheated on me i don’t think i should.

3 - this is true for the most part, lesson learnt i guess…

4 - I met her at a time when I was studying for a career defining exam - for which i had to wake up at 6am and study all weekend longs on top of my 8 am to 7pm job. I really wasn’t expecting to meet someone i liked that much at the time but I made a point to free some time to see her multiple times a week - and actually it slowed down my progress - but i didnt care because i felt maybe she was going to be for the long run. She knew i was making an effort as she mentioned several times she « knew she was making it harder on me » but i was telling her that it was fine and it would work out in the end. I also introduced her meet my friends, called her in the morning to help her wake up when she had her medical exams, etc….As for the sex, i really tried to make her cum everytime. That’s one thing about me, I can’t get turned on if the other person doesn’t cum. I think in that area she was satisfied. 

All in all I m still hurt because i really liked her. I wish things had ended in a different way, but it was just a lot to take for me on the spot. I still believe she should have been more honest with me, and there were signs she was still trying to poke at her ex (example = uploading stories with my name on it on instagram, probably for him to see…). Should I apologize? i don’t know. I just think it’s a shame i didn’t meet her 6 months later. But considering how she lied to me, would i ever be able to trust her anyways?

 

Edited December 14, 2021 by elpandillero

[beentheredonethat77]

2 hours ago, elpandillero said:

Thank you for taking the time to write this, I really appreciate

Some answers to your points:

1 - She lied not only about being ill and worried she would give me covid, but also about the fact she saw her ex that evening. From that basis, I assume by extension she slept with him that evening, especially since she went on and said « nothing happened » « i never cheated on you » while crying - followed by a « you don’t deserve this »….my guess is she must have felt pretty guilty of whatever she had done that evening…i will never know for sure but i know she didn’t sleep until 3 am while she told me she was going to bed at 11… I don’t think they were playing scrabble, especially if she suddenly realized she had feelings for him…

2- I never showed the slightest sign of anger during our time together. On the contrary, I was probably too nice with her. I reacted in an agressive way because I was hurt and shocked. That’s mostly because she really made me believe up to the very end that we were rock solid. She sent that line that I can’t forget « I’ll support you through anything » the day before this happened. To which I replied « works both ways » and she said « I know you showed it me by how you supported me through my medical issues (she had a biopsy to do) and It means the world to me ». I resented her because she shouldn’t have used such strong words if she wasn’t sure. That same evening she was like « I really like you, I want to spend more time with you, we should do more sleepovers, etc… ». I got angry when hearing her « confession » because i felt betrayed more than anything. It was just 8 weeks, but I opened up to her as I thought she was genuine, and I thought she meant what she was saying which is obviously not the case if a day later she was back with the ex…

Also I was extremely worried when she had to go get her stuff at her ex. Couldn’t sleep the night before. I put my ego aside and accepted that she would go, and she sensed i wasn’t feeling great about it she even said « thank you for being understanding and offering to help ».

So obviously when things happened exactly like I thought they would after I had stressed about it so much, it drove me nuts….

I wish I hadn’t sent that text maybe - but I wanted to hurt her as much as I felt hurt. I wish things had ended in a better way, but the 360 turn she did on me was just too brutal - that’s the only reaction i was able to have…

Should i apologize? i don’t know. If she actually cheated on me i don’t think i should.

3 - this is true for the most part, lesson learnt i guess…

4 - I met her at a time when I was studying for a career defining exam - for which i had to wake up at 6am and study all weekend longs on top of my 8 am to 7pm job. I really wasn’t expecting to meet someone i liked that much at the time but I made a point to free some time to see her multiple times a week - and actually it slowed down my progress - but i didnt care because i felt maybe she was going to be for the long run. She knew i was making an effort as she mentioned several times she « knew she was making it harder on me » but i was telling her that it was fine and it would work out in the end. I also introduced her meet my friends, called her in the morning to help her wake up when she had her medical exams, etc….As for the sex, i really tried to make her cum everytime. That’s one thing about me, I can’t get turned on if the other person doesn’t cum. I think in that area she was satisfied. 

All in all I m still hurt because i really liked her. I wish things had ended in a different way, but it was just a lot to take for me on the spot. I still believe she should have been more honest with me, and there were signs she was still trying to poke at her ex (example = uploading stories with my name on it on instagram, probably for him to see…). Should I apologize? i don’t know. I just think it’s a shame i didn’t meet her 6 months later. But considering how she lied to me, would i ever be able to trust her anyways?

 

I think behind your anger is a huge amount of (understandable) frustration and disappointment, i know that feeling all too well.   Investing so much of yourself and your valuable time, risking so much of yourself -- even the introduction to friends, its all so painful, embarrassing and the first heartbreak, when taken by shock can be quite traumatic.   The first cut is the deepest though, you will be stronger and come to tolerate much greater heartaches in your life, and by truly learning everything you can from this one, you'll do it with grace, dignity and humility.   

Imagine you knew what you now know, you would be equipped to potentially handle this situation with much more wisdom and forethought.  You could have forced her to slow her whole 'couple routine' down and steadied to a healthy pace, continued to focus on your studies yet enjoyed the fun parts of dating, kept it light while you observed and watched to see how she handled her ex situation.  First sign of instagram story shenanigans (ie her playing games/making him jealousy) you could have sat her down and calmly but firmly told her this isn't going to work for you -- youd encourage her to get all her cards on the table -- she either wants to be in this with you or shes free to leave and pursue her ex.   Imagine the respect she'd have for you and you'd have for yourself?   This is how you can handle the next relationship -- maturely and calmly with balance.  

You just had free 8 week course in life lessons most people never learn.   Be grateful.   Also -- do not contact her, to apologize or otherwise, you leave her in the rear view mirror. 

Edited December 14, 2021 by beentheredonethat77

[gringoloco]

7 minutes ago, beentheredonethat77 said:

I think behind your anger is a huge amount of (understandable) frustration and disappointment, i know that feeling all too well.   Investing so much of yourself and your valuable time, risking so much of yourself -- even the introduction to friends, its all so painful, embarrassing and the first heartbreak, when taken by shock can be quite traumatic.   The first cut is the deepest though, you will be stronger and come to tolerate much greater heartaches in your life, and by truly learning everything you can from this one, you'll do it with grace, dignity and humility.   

Imagine you knew what you now know, you would be equipped to potentially handle this situation with much more wisdom and forethought.  You could have forced her to slow her whole 'couple routine' down and steadied to a healthy pace, continued to focus on your studies yet enjoyed the fun parts of dating, kept it light while you observed and watched to see how she handled her ex situation.  First sign of instagram story shenanigans (ie her playing games/making him jealousy) you could have sat her down and calmly but firmly told her this isn't going to work for you -- youd encourage her to get all her cards on the table -- she either wants to be in this with you or shes free to leave and pursue her ex.   Imagine the respect she'd have for you and you'd have for yourself?   This is how you can handle the next relationship -- maturely and calmly with balance.  

You just had free 8 week course in life lessons most people never learn.   Be grateful.   Also -- do not contact her, to apologize or otherwise, you leave her in the rear view mirror. 

actually i had planned to talk to her about what was going on with her ex on that very day she told me she still had feelings for him.

I even had a few lines prepared in advance. I was going to tell her that I didn’t want to involve myself in something serious with someone who still was in touch with their ex. She confessed before i even got the time to say anything.

I wanted to wait until she was supposed to get her stuff back from her ex because it could have been the end of whatever there was between them. Herself she told me she needed to get her stuff back now so that it could be « done for good ». So I tried to believe her. She told me she had made a « list » so it was going to take « max 1 hour ». We even had planned to go to the movies right after she was back.

That’s why I was so shocked and angry at how things turned out. I don’t want to play the victim but it really wasn’t fair to give me hope like that. At the same time I m angry at myself for believing her. But it was really tempting because she knew how to convince you by keeping constant communication (up until that day).

I just didn’t think i was going to be dropped so quickly and violently. All it took was 1 meeting with her ex (and don’t get me wrong, I knew deep down getting her stuff back was just an excuse to see him) to kick me to the curb like all we had meant nothing.

 

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

Ok. She wasn't a good person. However your distress and indignation are quite extreme and out of proportion for someone you dated for 60 Days

Edited December 14, 2021 by Wiseman2

[gringoloco]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. She wasn't a good person. However your distress and indignation are quite extreme and out of proportion for someone you dated for 60 Days

well, it was a real crush, i can’t really say anything else. I thought she was freaking amazing after a few weeks with her (including full weekends spent together). It just felt super natural, the conversation was flowing.

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, elpandillero said:

well, it was a real crush

So? You were smitten for a minute. It's over and you need to consider discussing more appropriate dating and more adaptable coping skills.

[Estes]

5 hours ago, elpandillero said:

 I don’t want to play the victim but it really wasn’t fair to give me hope like that.

Whether you want to or not, you are definitely playing the victim. Life isn't fair. People tend to do things that further their self interests. You weren't in her grand scheme of things. She moved on, you should do the same, you're not doing  yourself any favors by wallowing in anger because of how unfair she was to you.

Just imagine how you may feel one day when you're in a much longer relationship and you get dumped for whatever reason. It's bound to happen. Unless you figure it out, you'll be doing the same thing. "She led me on, wasted my time, why didn't she tell me early on if she didn't want to be with me, it's not FAIR!".

 

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, elpandillero said:

I don’t want to play the victim but it really wasn’t fair to give me hope like that.

No, it wasn't. 

But to use the old cliché: life ain't fair. 

Bad things happen sometimes. People we trust sometimes hurt us, and sometimes we feel like we've been sucker-punched. But it's up to us to figure out how to cope when life isn't fair. We can (understandably) get very angry at the one who hurt us. 

But then? We realize that anger doesn't change the outcome. All we can do is process it. There is no Court of Life where these people will be sentenced to their punishment and made to make it up to us. That often doesn't happen, really. We aren't responsible for getting hurt, but we are responsible for what we do with that pain and how we navigate a way through. 

[gringoloco]

Hi all,

just wanted to let you know that I am doing much better now.

I am finally back to who i was before meeting this girl, and it feels great. I can now focus on my upcoming exam and am 300% into it. I don’t really care about that person anymore. Even the feelings of anger tend to dissipate days after days. 

Sure i’ll probably keep her blocked forever, but i am too focused on my own personal goals at the moment to spend time asking myself what she is up to or rethinking about what happened between us. That doesn’t mean i approve what she did - because i still believed she behaved in a pretty shitty way - but it bothers me less and less.

Guess i learnt a lesson or two at the same time, and i will try to pay much more attention - and most of all take action - when i come across red flags such as those i saw in this relationship. 

Thanks again for paying attention to my case, and i hope i won’t have to be back on here anytime soon😂

Edited January 3, 2022 by elpandillero

[gringoloco]

Hi all, 

as an update she texted me last friday - 3 months after -  just prior to my exam to wish me "good luck" and that she "is sure i will kill it"  and "hope i am well".

I thought: seriously she has the nerve to do this after the crap she put me through and how it impacted my studies at the time...

Basically I didn't reply and won't

Know i feel like i finally had the last word and although I don't give a """" about her anymore, i still feels good!

[glows]

Did you say you blocked her? Why are her messages still coming through?

[gringoloco]

53 minutes ago, glows said:

Did you say you blocked her? Why are her messages still coming through?

I unblocked her a few months after as i didn't care anymore and didn't want to have a trace of her even in my "blocked" list on whatsapp

 

[glows]

1 hour ago, elpandillero said:

I unblocked her a few months after as i didn't care anymore and didn't want to have a trace of her even in my "blocked" list on whatsapp

 

This makes no sense. Block her out of this universe and get on with your life. It's very good that you feel good now. Keep it up. 

[kendahke]

On 12/1/2021 at 8:30 AM, elpandillero said:

She calls and tells me her colleague had been tested positive for covid so she can’t see me tonight. I insist for going to hers anyways as I sensed something was of, but she insists that she wants to get tested first and doesn’t want to pass covid to me.

The next morning, as i had no news and we were supposed to meet, i text her and she ends up coming for coffee at starbucks. She kisses me to say hello,

What happened to the covid test results?  She thought she'd been exposed 12-14 hours prior, but she meets you the next morning and kisses you?

Sorry, that stood out as ridiculous.

For future reference: 2 months is way too soon to be hanging any hopes of forever on any relationship.  What this sounds to me like was she got mad at her boyfriend for something and took a break from him... that's when she met you. She needed someone to get through the holidays and Valentine's day with and you showed up and played your role. Now that she's been getting to know you for the past 2 + months, she's rethought ending the other relationship that she invested far more time in. That happens. Next time, don't get with someone who's been out of their last relationship less than 6 months because a lot of times, what feelings they consider to be dead is really just anger on their part that needs only time and memory to dissipate.

[gringoloco]

23 minutes ago, kendahke said:

What happened to the covid test results?  She thought she'd been exposed 12-14 hours prior, but she meets you the next morning and kisses you?

Sorry, that stood out as ridiculous.

For future reference: 2 months is way too soon to be hanging any hopes of forever on any relationship.  What this sounds to me like was she got mad at her boyfriend for something and took a break from him... that's when she met you. She needed someone to get through the holidays and Valentine's day with and you showed up and played your role. Now that she's been getting to know you for the past 2 + months, she's rethought ending the other relationship that she invested far more time in. That happens. Next time, don't get with someone who's been out of their last relationship less than 6 months because a lot of times, what feelings they consider to be dead is really just anger on their part that needs only time and memory to dissipate.

yes all that is right i was a fool at the time…

but it’s been 3 months since and now I have no anger or desire for her whatsoever, i just don’t care

I just find it funny that she would still text me and remember the exact day i was supposed to pass my exam. To be honest she was one of the only ones who remembered - but i was annoyed by her text because what she did to me could have contributed to me failing this test… 

I left her on read anyways..don’t know what she want from me at this point and i don’t care

[ExpatInItaly]

You need to block her again. And keep her blocked. You care more than you think about keeping that door open, because you were waiting for this moment, no? 

She's probably having trouble with her man and is coming back to you in case she needs a Plan B. That's usually what these random reach-outs are really about. 

Edited February 28, 2022 by ExpatInItaly

[gringoloco]

8 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You need to block her again. And keep her blocked. You care more than you think about keeping that door open, because you were waiting for this moment, no? 

She's probably having trouble with her man and is coming back to you in case she needs a Plan B. That's usually what these random reach-outs are really about. 

i wanted her to come back for me to reject her, that’s true. At least at some point. I wasn’t expecting it to happen anymore recently especially since i had been pretty harsh with my words, and i sincerely just wasn’t caring about it anymore.

anyways that’s done now, i got what i initially wanted

Edited February 28, 2022 by elpandillero

[glows]

Good! Onwards then.