I got used, lied to and cheated on but I still think that person is a good person

[shelly shells]

I was in a relationship with a guy but it had to be long distance for a while because we live really really far away but we still decided to try. We were fine until one day, he went for almost two days without contacting me.

During those few days, i found pictures of him kissing another girl and so i tried to break up with him but he wasn't responding so it didn't really end until he replied and said he almost died and we'd talk later. But then he deleted that message and said he was so sorry for doing this to me but he's cutting me out of his life forever? and then he blocked me with no explanation.

So i tried asking him again on a different platform and he said he used me, he didn't see a future for our relationship and he was lying and he cheated as well. He went with the other girl because she was closer and I guess that's understandable but he didn't have to lie and do all those things.

I always gave him an opportunity to go and I always said it was okay if he wanted to but he just kept lying and now I'm devastated because that's the first time i felt so intensely for someone and I just don't know what to do with my emotions. I just feel so hurt. And even during our relationship I had so many doubts, and it hurts so much that it was confirmed and he was actually that type of guy.

He said he'd never do things, especially since he was cheated on himself and I don't usually trust, but trusted him and I just got used the first time i really trusted.

But even after all that, I still think he's a good person and these things are supposed to be bad and I'm supposed to hate him but I just can't. Although he didn't see it, I saw us together in the future. I wish he had just waited for me but I guess it's understandable. And I'm still in contact with him because I don't want us to go off on bad terms because we were actually really good friends before and I don't think that should go away just because we didn't work as a couple.

But I just want to be able to handle my feelings because i have other priorities and i cant have my emotions getting the better of me. I was so close to him and so attached and now I'm just in so much shock, I don't know what to do with myself. And i'm so jealous that he's happy with her and i have to suffer because he couldn't simply say he didn't think we could work anymore.

I'm just missing all the things we had, yet it was all so fake to him. I have to keep myself constantly occupied just to feel okay and I need constant attention and I hate bothering people just because he messed me up so bad. But yes that's basically it. 

Edited December 3, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[vla1120]

I see what you are trying to say about him still being a "nice person", but he was NOT a nice person to you!  He was very unfair to you and should have been honest. You have every right to be hurt and even angry right now. Maybe you should take a little time for yourself without any contact from him to see if you can even really be friends with him down the road.

I'm not a big proponent of being friends with an ex if there are no children involved. I think it's too hard and there is really no good reason to remain friends without children involved. With 7.7 billiion people on earth, you can certainly find other friends. So, if you find after no contact for awhile, that you can do without any contact at all, that would be my recommendation.

I am sorry you are hurting. Also, don't be afraid to lean on friends and family to help you through this. That's not "bothering" the people who love and care for you. 

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, shelly shells said:

I was in a relationship with a guy but it had to be long distance for a while because we live really really far away but we still decided to try. 

Have you met in person?

Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps.

 Focus on dating real-life men you can get to know through regular in-person dating. 

[kendahke]

There a huge difference between being a good person in general and being a good person for you. It would appear that he's neither.

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I'm just missing all the things we had

Seems like you had nothing except what you allowed to bloom in your imagination, absent the reality of who he actually is.

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And i'm so jealous that he's happy with her and i have to suffer because he couldn't simply say he didn't think we could work anymore.

She's with a cheater and a fake--what is that to be jealous over? He's going to age her before her time and have her looking 46 while in her 20's.

But tell yourself the truth: you know that if he told you he didn't think you could work anymore, you'd have spent a lot of time, tears and cortisol trying to convince him into staying and he knew that and didn't want to go through that, so he let you believe what you wanted to believe in order to keep the peace.

Edited December 7, 2021 by kendahke

[smackie9]

He's not good or bad, he's just a dude in a situation. People find themselves in this situation at least once in their lifetime. He tried to do long distance because at the time he thought it was worth it. BUT opportunity to be with someone else arose which was eventually going to happen....either to him or you. I'm sure if it happened to you, that you met a guy that was willing to take you out on dates, kiss you and hold your hand, you would have taken it too. What he did is quite typical...held onto you because he was invested, and tried to see what happens with this girl. Yup he was selfish, but it's just the way some people are when they make the decision who they stay with. It probably messed up his head, you just never know. You just got the poopy end of the breakup stick. You are stuck with your intense feelings for him..like where can you go with that right? You still are in love with him, so yes you are going to see him as a good guy. You care about him, you did have something at one time. Now it's time to let go hun. The loneliness sucks, it's going to take some time to get through but you will do it. I hope you have learned lots from this experience, and learned some things about yourself too. I suggest to never get yourself into a long distance relationship again. Date locally always. I can't stress it enough. Especially if you don't have the resources to travel, or even to relocate. It's just not worth it. I hope you will find happiness soon and be at peace with this.

Edited December 18, 2021 by smackie9

[glows]

On 12/2/2021 at 7:59 AM, shelly shells said:

But even after all that, I still think he's a good person and these things are supposed to be bad and I'm supposed to hate him but I just can't. Although he didn't see it, I saw us together in the future. I wish he had just waited for me but I guess it's understandable. And I'm still in contact with him because I don't want us to go off on bad terms because we were actually really good friends before and I don't think that should go away just because we didn't work as a couple.

Don’t hate. Hatred blinds us and prevents any happiness. Hatred is an emotion that also keeps you bound and leashed to that thing or person you hate. It’s wasted expression if you do want to move on. Work on your boundaries.

He’s an ex regardless of the context of your relationship (long or short distance or whatever this context is) so be a little more realistic with yourself instead of going around in circles. Space is healthy after a break up. Take the time to breathe and heal. 

Since he’s in relationship respect that and in the process develop more self-respect too. You deserve to find someone who wants to be with you and not “use” you. 

 

[JTSW]

I dont know if I'm missing something, but nothing you have said implies anything good about it. He's a cheating snake and obviously long distance doesn't work for. You've dodged a bullet. Find someone that lives closer to you.