What does if mean if a woman literally stares.

[Thelambofdeth]

So I'm pretty ugly with terribly low self-esteem and anxiety and haven't had any real action or a relationship with a woman in ages. But I'm tall, in great shape and I dress like reallywell. I'm not bragging, it's just my fashion sense is like the only thing I really appreciate about myself. I'll be at a bar and random guys will literally just walk up and tell me how cool I like or how I should be in movies, ask me am I a musician or a artist, w/e. Women hardly notice and when they do they're either not attractive or they're a friend's significant other.

That's just a backdrop, anyway, last week a friend and I went to the bar and sat at this booth, and I noticed this chick staring at me. And I don't mean small glances here and there and subsequently looking away, she was just literally staring at me. I would look away and look back and she was just....still staring with the slightest smile. I asked my friend if it was just me, and...no...he confirmed she was blatantly just staring at me. It got the the point I just had to get up leave to the other side of the bar bc it was awkward af. She was actually pretty cute, but she was there with a dude....so...why?? Like, even later as we walked by her later my friend said she gave me a head to toe look again....just weird.

It kept bugging me all night until I saw her outside in the light and realized, I saw her the previous week, too. At the same bar I noticed her looking at me outside while talking to her friends, then she came over and said I looked "super cool", then later my friend said she walked by me and did a slow, hard "head to toe look". That was so obvious that he noticed it....Yet she was with that same dude there, too.

I guess my question is, why stare at someone like that? Like I said, I dress really well so I'm used to be appreciating my clothes, but to literally stare at someone while you're with someone else? That's how I know she wasn't actually interested in me, bc she was there with someone else. Was she just trying to make him jealous? Or maybe just drunk? [ ]

Edited December 3, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
demeaning language

[mark clemson]

There are multiple possibilities - some that come to mind are:

- She might have been attracted to/aroused by your mannerisms/body language. Some women will stare at you if your body language is a sexual trigger for them, probably because it's rare and/or generates a very strong "fetishy" attraction/arousal for them.

- As you suggested, she may be jealousy farming.

- They may be looking for a threesome partner or for a "bull" for a cuckold fetish, and she was attempting to signal interest to either you or her partner (or both).

- She may be someone you know e.g. from High School or she mistook you for someone she knows or even for some celeb.

There are probably other possibilities.

Edited December 3, 2021 by mark clemson

[Thelambofdeth]

5 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

There are multiple possibilities - some that come to mind are:

- She might have been attracted to/aroused by your mannerisms/body language. Some women will stare at you if your body language is a sexual trigger for them, probably because it's rare and/or generates a very strong "fetishy" attraction/arousal for them.

- As you suggested, she may be jealousy farming.

- They may be looking for a threesome partner or for a "bull" for a cuckold fetish, and she was attempting to signal interest to either you or her partner (or both).

- She may be someone you know e.g. from High School or she mistook you for someone she knows or even for some celeb.

There are probably other possibilities.

 

• Defiantly not this one. My body language and mannerism are just closed off and distant.
• This is thee most likely scanario
• lol it wasn't that, that's for sure
• You might glance a few times if you perhaps remember someone but can't place them, she was blatantly staring continually

[mark clemson]

Fair enough. I wasn't there, so if you are pretty sure it was jealousy farming it probably was.

[basil67]

It means she has poor social skills.  Staring is rude.

[Thelambofdeth]

22 minutes ago, basil67 said:

It means she has poor social skills.  Staring is rude.

I agree, but she was pretty so I would give it a pass tbh....

[Wiseman2]

Next time you see someone you're attracted to send them a drink. This one? Who knows, you could remind  her of someone.

[Thelambofdeth]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Next time you see someone you're attracted to send them a drink. This one? Who knows, you could remind  her of someone.

I don't buy drinks. It's a waste of money and time unless you're good-looking.

Anyway, I've seen people I thought were familiar. I might make a few glances at them to be sure...I've never stared a complete hole into them...

[chillii]

l'm still stared at in that way even now in 50s and still don't get it, why me, even with my partner right there. Women don't have much respect for another woman with her man or any qualms with their bf or h either, embarrassing as hell. My poor ex w was only tiny women just stared straight past her if we were out. My partner now also small but fiery and they seem more wary which is refreshing. l actually dress down have for yrs that helps a lot.

This sitch well she literally spelt it out for you, came over to you and told you right there, can't get much more blatant than that. Poor bf , it's embarrassing l know. You sound like a great dresser so good for you , don't be so down on your looks though man and clothes makath a huge difference by the sounds of it be proud of that. Do you have gf's or been married or anything. This one well , what's it matter , she was hooked but so what bf right there, forget about her.

[Thelambofdeth]

48 minutes ago, chillii said:

l'm still stared at in that way even now in 50s and still don't get it, why me, even with my partner right there. Women don't have much respect for another woman with her man or any qualms with their bf or h either, embarrassing as hell. My poor ex w was only tiny women just stared straight past her if we were out. My partner now also small but fiery and they seem more wary which is refreshing. l actually dress down have for yrs that helps a lot.

This sitch well she literally spelt it out for you, came over to you and told you right there, can't get much more blatant than that. Poor bf , it's embarrassing l know. You sound like a great dresser so good for you , don't be so down on your looks though man and clothes makath a huge difference by the sounds of it be proud of that. Do you have gf's or been married or anything. This one well , what's it matter , she was hooked but so what bf right there, forget about her.

The thing is, I don't get stared at by women often. Or well ever....I get tons of compliments from dudes on my attires and hit on by gay men, but women rarely notice me that's why this stood out. 

I'm 28. I've had a few relationships when I was younger and actually had confidence, but I'm ugly and have approach anxiety and low self-esteem, so I can't help but focus on a pretty women potentially being interested, despite the circumstances.

[Interstellar]

You should’ve smiled, said hi then asked her name, asked her questions about herself then closed for the number.

[S2B]

7 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

I don't buy drinks. It's a waste of money and time unless you're good-looking.

Anyway, I've seen people I thought were familiar. I might make a few glances at them to be sure...I've never stared a complete hole into them...

That’s why you don’t have luck in the dating world.

eye contact is everything when a person is interested. She was begging you to ask her out. Being with a guy? That doesn’t matter… it doesn’t mean she was with him.

ask her out! And quit thinking you shouldn’t buy a gal a drink…you should! 

[chillii]

11 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

The thing is, I don't get stared at by women often. Or well ever....I get tons of compliments from dudes on my attires and hit on by gay men, but women rarely notice me that's why this stood out. 

I'm 28. I've had a few relationships when I was younger and actually had confidence, but I'm ugly and have approach anxiety and low self-esteem, so I can't help but focus on a pretty women potentially being interested, despite the circumstances.

 

Ah right got ya. We had one guy here had it much worse than any , they'd take his picture and everything , all the time. l can't remember what his environment was for that to be happening so much, but l couldn't help but chuckle tbh. 

But anyway then fair enough , just enjoy the memory l suppose then are my thoughts well , unless he was just a friend. Maybe with her staring that badly and so forward later, he wasn't a bf, you might be able to find out .

 

 

 

Edited December 4, 2021 by chillii

[dramafreezone]

23 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

Women hardly notice and when they do they're either not attractive or they're a friend's significant other.

First of all women notice.  They're just much more clever about not giving men validation than the other way around.  Men stare at a woman without a second thought, and whether they like him back or they're creeped out, they know they're being viewed favorably.  That knowledge that you like them is power, and women know how powerful that is when you know that they like you.  They don't tip their hand, unless they're really into you.

So if a woman is staring at you and holding eye contact, chances are she really likes you.  What more do you expect them to do, walk over you grab your bottom?

Edited December 4, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Thelambofdeth]

16 hours ago, S2B said:

That’s why you don’t have luck in the dating world.

eye contact is everything when a person is interested. She was begging you to ask her out. Being with a guy? That doesn’t matter… it doesn’t mean she was with him.

ask her out! And quit thinking you shouldn’t buy a gal a drink…you should! 

I'm ugly and I have low self-esteem so I can't help but instantly avert gaze when I lock eyes with them. If she was begging to talk to me...she would've came over and talked to me. Both times I've seen her she was with him, what else would I expect? Not trying to be jealously bait or have her instigate a melee over her. 

 

Also imo buying drinks is pointless. It doesn't really accomplish anything. No woman gets interested bc you bough her a drink. Either she's already attracted to you or she isn't. A drink won't buffer that at all.

[Thelambofdeth]

9 hours ago, chillii said:

 

Ah right got ya. We had one guy here had it much worse than any , they'd take his picture and everything , all the time. l can't remember what his environment was for that to be happening so much, but l couldn't help but chuckle tbh. 

But anyway then fair enough , just enjoy the memory l suppose then are my thoughts well , unless he was just a friend. Maybe with her staring that badly and so forward later, he wasn't a bf, you might be able to find out .

 

 

 

I still don't know. She was there again last night...with the same guy ofc. According to me friend she looked at me a few times and hovered around me briefly, but I didn't see that myself. I did lock eyes with her by accident a few times bc it seems like literally whenever I look around I see her looking at me....it's weird af.

[Thelambofdeth]

2 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

First of all women notice.  They're just much more clever about not giving men validation than the other way around.  Men stare at a woman without a second thought, and whether they like him back or they're creeped out, they know they're being viewed favorably.  That knowledge that you like them is power, and women know how powerful that is when you know that they like you.  They don't tip their hand, unless they're really into you.

So if a woman is staring at you and holding eye contact, chances are she really likes you.  What more do you expect them to do, walk over you grab your bottom?

Well they don't notice me, which is pretty difficult bc I'm a 6'3 black guy who overdresses  for everyone thing...but as far as women goes it seems I'm invisible.

 

Anyway, like I said in my OP, she was with a man both times, and even last night when I saw her. If you're interested why wouldn't you approach the dude so he knows the man you're with isn't your strict suitor? As it stands it just seems like she's trying to make this guy jealous.

[basil67]

11 hours ago, Thelambofdeth said:

guy who overdresses  for everyone thing..

Ah, well there's your answer.  If you overdress for everything you do, you're going to stand out and likely be interpreted as a bit odd.   That's OK, I'm sure it's the vibe you're going for, but people will notice.  Most have the social skills to not stare, but apparently she can't look away.

[elaine567]

If you over dress then you will stand out. People including women will notice.
This girl  can stare at you  as  long as she likes as she is "safe" with her bf.
Some people stare a lot and some can "zone out", so whilst they appear to be staring at you, they are in fact staring into space...
Hard to tell what she really thinks about you.
"Attractive" or "odd" or "weird" or "creepy"... all can elicit a fascination.
As she is obviously attached, forgetting about her, is your best option.

Edited December 5, 2021 by elaine567

[Wiseman2]

It's ok to notice attractive women. But you need to stop staring at her.

[salparadise]

19 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

They don't tip their hand, unless they're really into you. So if a woman is staring at you and holding eye contact, chances are she really likes you.  What more do you expect them to do, walk over you grab your bottom?

Yup, raw attraction. Man, this is the most obvious evidence that you aren't as unattractive as you may believe. You need to get over that and start making stuff happen. You only go round once so don't let such opportunities pass you by. Some of my biggest regrets are missed opportunities.

[Thelambofdeth]

On 12/5/2021 at 11:59 PM, Wiseman2 said:

It's ok to notice attractive women. But you need to stop staring at her.

[ ] I only looked back at her bc she was staring at me so intently. When someone is leering at you with no pauses, its awkward and hard not to notive. I even left to the other side of the bar to quell the tension. I wasn't staring.

Edited December 6, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[Thelambofdeth]

1 hour ago, salparadise said:

Yup, raw attraction. Man, this is the most obvious evidence that you aren't as unattractive as you may believe. You need to get over that and start making stuff happen. You only go round once so don't let such opportunities pass you by. Some of my biggest regrets are missed opportunities.

But this doesn't happen often...at all. And even in this instance it was just weird. Yeah she was pretty, but she was clearly with a guy and to stare at someone like that she was clearly...well just weird, anyway. So this incident  doesn't really give me any confidence...

[dramafreezone]

2 hours ago, salparadise said:

Yup, raw attraction. Man, this is the most obvious evidence that you aren't as unattractive as you may believe. You need to get over that and start making stuff happen. You only go round once so don't let such opportunities pass you by. Some of my biggest regrets are missed opportunities.

Even men who are not "attractive" by conventional standards, some women will look at that guy and you'll just do it for them.  I mean I would say that I'm a 5 on the scale of 1-10, and I've gotten that look, from some good looking women.  It's not all about the looks with women, and I appreciate that about them.   Looks matter to women, but you can do a lot for yourself by the way you carry yourself and your "aura" so to speak.

[dramafreezone]

14 minutes ago, Thelambofdeth said:

But this doesn't happen often...at all. And even in this instance it was just weird. Yeah she was pretty, but she was clearly with a guy and to stare at someone like that she was clearly...well just weird, anyway. So this incident  doesn't really give me any confidence...

Many women have a guy because it's better than being alone.  Doesn't mean that they're not attracted to anyone else, or looking for a better deal.  And it's not supposed to happen often.  You and I are regular guys, we're not going to experience women outright oogling us with their eyes every day.  That's why the next time this happens you have to take action.