Mattinho2021 Posted December 6, 2021 Share Posted December 6, 2021 I have been getting on so well with a girl from work recently, we have been flirting a lot and things came to a head last night and we slept together. We are both single but our work have a strict policy around employees dating. I actually do really like her but I feel like I need to back off before it gets out of hand. The question is how do I do that without hurting her? And how do I move on from her when we are working together every day? I know I have to walk away but how do I do even begin to go about doing it? Any advice would be greatly appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 6, 2021 Share Posted December 6, 2021 5 hours ago, Mattinho2021 said: I actually do really like her but I feel like I need to back off before it gets out of hand. How conveinient. Now that you've slept with her you need to back off before it gets out of hand? It already has and her feelings are involved. You should have had this thought before you sexed her down. Don't be surprised if you end up with a stage 5 clinger on your hands. Geesh! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 6, 2021 Share Posted December 6, 2021 8 hours ago, Mattinho2021 said: our work have a strict policy around employees dating Be honest. Tell her while you care for her, it's not a good idea to jeopardize your employments there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mattinho2021 Posted December 6, 2021 Author Share Posted December 6, 2021 I didn’t plan on sleeping with her, it just sort of happened. I really do like her and if we didn’t work together I would definitely be falling for her. I am going to be really respectful to her feelings, as I don’t want to hurt her. I am also going to struggle to be around her all day, every day and have to act like I’m happy just being friends. But I guess I don’t really have a choice Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 6, 2021 Share Posted December 6, 2021 Had you two been drinking when sex happened? Since you two work together she is fully aware of the company's policy as well and must be thinking the same thing as you. You've gotten yourself in a pretty pickle here because if you continue to sneak around seeing each other you will get caught. So you know you have to suffer and end it. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 9, 2021 Share Posted December 9, 2021 I'm sure if you keep professional at work and not meet up in the janitor's closet for a rendezvous, you both are good. They can't control what you do in your own house. Whom you have sex with truly is none of anyone's beeswax. The reason employers put that policy in place is to not have productivity interrupted. Like flirting, PDA, sex on the desk, missing at lunch time, fighting, missing work, hostile work environment, etc. Seen it all at my workplace over the years. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 9, 2021 Share Posted December 9, 2021 On 12/6/2021 at 1:33 PM, Mattinho2021 said: I didn’t plan on sleeping with her, it just sort of happened. I really do like her and if we didn’t work together I would definitely be falling for her. I am going to be really respectful to her feelings, as I don’t want to hurt her. I am also going to struggle to be around her all day, every day and have to act like I’m happy just being friends. But I guess I don’t really have a choice Don't flatter yourself building this up in your mind. She may not be that into you or too fazed by letting things cool off. I agree about being honest and try to be a bit diplomatic about it but don't leave things open-ended or too dramatic. Stay cordial and professional and focus on your work. After work, hang out with your friends (different group of people from your workmates). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mattinho2021 Posted December 15, 2021 Author Share Posted December 15, 2021 So we hooked up again at the weekend, had a proper chat and she told me she’s really into me. She doesn’t care about work getting in the way and would happily find another job if we got serious. We were meant to meet up after work on Monday and she cancelled saying something has come up. I told her that I had second thoughts a way and I ended it for good with her. She never text me back. We’ve obviously worked together this week since that, quite closely on a project we are both involved in. She’s still flirting with me a bit but nothing like before, and I’ve tried to tone it down. I’ve agreed to go on a date with another girl next week to try and get over my work crush but I am starting to really miss her and have second thoughts about calling it off. She’s not got in touch outside of work so I think she’s moved on too but I am just really confused about what I should do. I miss talking to her a lot, miss spending time with her outside of work. But at the same time I am trying to get on with it and move on. The harder I try to move on, the more I want to be with her. Do I tell her how I feel or just keep pretending I’m ok until I am, fake it til I make it? Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 15, 2021 Share Posted December 15, 2021 How about spending more time on your own and not using anyone as a distraction? Take up a hobby. Stick to your decisions and don't go back and forth. You lose integrity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 15, 2021 Share Posted December 15, 2021 Lets hope the date with the other woman goes well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mattinho2021 Posted December 16, 2021 Author Share Posted December 16, 2021 Any tips on how to stop myself from acting on my feelings when I have to work with her every day? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 16, 2021 Share Posted December 16, 2021 Does she have a BF? Besides work being a problem, something else seems to be going on. Maybe she's like you and dating others to use them as a distraction? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mattinho2021 Posted December 16, 2021 Author Share Posted December 16, 2021 No, we are both single. I just don’t think it’ll work with us both working together and the longer we keep it going the worse the fall out will be Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 16, 2021 Share Posted December 16, 2021 2 minutes ago, Mattinho2021 said: . I just don’t think it’ll work with us both working together Ok. Be professional and polite and work. Stop trying to flirt with her before you both get fired. Can you find dates/women outside of work? What's the issue there? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mattinho2021 Posted December 16, 2021 Author Share Posted December 16, 2021 Yeah I am going on a date with someone else, problem is I don’t feel about any other woman the way I feel about the girl from work. I just don’t know how to deal with it Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 16, 2021 Share Posted December 16, 2021 39 minutes ago, Mattinho2021 said: . I just don’t know how to deal with it Yes you do. Be polite and professional at work. Discontinue contact outside of work. It's that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mattinho2021 Posted December 16, 2021 Author Share Posted December 16, 2021 It’s not simple though, I am finding it really difficult not to contact her outside of work. I’m going to stick to my decision but it’s not easy Link to post Share on other sites
DonaldDuckster Posted December 16, 2021 Share Posted December 16, 2021 (edited) Contact her. Go for it! Don’t do anything silly at work, but you both like each other, why not see if it works out. Good luck! Edited December 16, 2021 by DonaldDuckster Correct spelling Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 16, 2021 Share Posted December 16, 2021 "Simple" isn't always the same as "easy." If this is likely to get one or both of you fired, the course of wisdom is to end it. If you really like each that much, perhaps consider if one of you can switch jobs? Getting a better job AND being able to have the relationship unproblematically would be a win-win. Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted December 18, 2021 Share Posted December 18, 2021 On 12/15/2021 at 10:35 PM, glows said: How about spending more time on your own and not using anyone as a distraction? Take up a hobby. Stick to your decisions and don't go back and forth. You lose integrity. Completely agree with this. I get that you feel how you feel, however using other people outside of the situation to “get over” someone else is a cruel and selfish way of dealing with a situation like this. Also this strategy very seldom works. Leave other women out of it until you have resolved you’re involvement with this woman. Stop stopping and starting things with her. Make a firm decision and stick to it. If I was in this situation I would go with my heart, see how it goes, whilst keeping things very professional at work with very clear boundaries. If things get serious and you decide you want to be in a full time relationship one of you needs to find new employment. Don’t make it more complicated than it needs to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 18, 2021 Share Posted December 18, 2021 On 12/16/2021 at 6:17 AM, Mattinho2021 said: , I am finding it really difficult not to contact her outside of work. Find a GF outside of work before you both get fired. Get on some quality dating apps. It is simple. Take a look at your bills and decide if you can do without a job and paycheck. Picture your home car and phone gone. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 18, 2021 Share Posted December 18, 2021 On 12/16/2021 at 3:17 AM, Mattinho2021 said: It’s not simple though, I am finding it really difficult not to contact her outside of work. I’m going to stick to my decision but it’s not easy Either you block her, ignore her messages, shut your phone off after work or simply tell her to stop contacting you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted December 18, 2021 Share Posted December 18, 2021 43 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Either you block her, ignore her messages, shut your phone off after work or simply tell her to stop contacting you. She's not contacting him outside of work at all. He's the one finding it hard not to. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 18, 2021 Share Posted December 18, 2021 OK my advice still stands...it will help as a deterrent. Link to post Share on other sites
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