whereismylifegoing Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 as i was telling everybody i'm in the no contact period with my ex and i always said "if she wants you, she'll know how to get a hold of you". i'm so right. so out of the blue i get a phone call from some strange number i have never seen before and i think its a customer (i sell real estate so my cell phone is a business phone). it was her calling me from her friends phone! that snake all that ignoring and dodging i have been doing is back to zero. anyways she calls me to tell me she is coming over and she'll be there in a minute. i told her it wasn't a good idea to come over and she came anyways. so she came over to say hi. what a lame-o. i told her what are you doing here? she says i just wanted to say hi and see my dog. so we talked for about 10 mins then i told her i have to go and then i get the kicker..... Chris, can i get a hug? then i laughed at her and said no. not in a mean way. just a laugh of justification. then i told her "listen, i really don't think it's a good idea that you come around anymore to say hi. you hurt me real bad. i still love you and all, but it's either all or nothing." flat out told her and she was all surprised and said weakly, ok. said good byes and still no hug. i'm the man but it was hard doing that to somebody you loved so much. guess we'll see what happens next. i just wonder if i was a jerk for doing all that? i don't think so but what do you people think:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
StrawberryLetter23 Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 You say you love her and call her a bitch at the same time? She was wanting to talk to you but she got your cold shoulder so she left. My ex did the same thing to me. I went to his house to get my things as he said it was over. I really wanted to hug him, tell him I love him and say "Can we somehow work things out..". I read his actions when he answered the door laughing (trying to act like he had company there and it was a big party) and he handed me my things. I froze and just said "Thank you" - turned around and left while he said "Take care hon!". That was the last time I wanted to even speak to him - the way he acted was such a turn off. I walked away and haven't looked back. Why can't everyone just act like adults and be civil to each other - we all play these games and treat each other like crap........why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author whereismylifegoing Posted October 21, 2005 Author Share Posted October 21, 2005 no no i told her i was leaving and the reason i said all that was because i don't want her to play games with me anymore. read the damn post! i have been talking to her off and on ever since we broke up. and let me tell you i was very civil about it. i didn't point fingers or anything. no GAMES here. she was the one treating me like crap for the first two months and besides "the i love you, but i'm not in love with you right now" that is the biggest game in the world. and for the record i still love her but she has to make a choice now "ALL OR NOTHING" and i'm standing by that. REMEMBER....she is the one who thought the grass was greener. she must have stepped in $hit. Link to post Share on other sites
jaye Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 A Hug wont hurt, i don't know why you guys broke up but still that was pretty rude. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnJohn Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 True...a hug wouldn't hurt. But what I see out of this is the fact that you told her on the phone that coming over wouldn't be a good idea. She came anyway. That to me is a lack of respect for your boundaries. You didn't have to answer the door though and probably should not have because that lets her know that your boundaries can be encroached upon. Since you did answer, you could have been a little more civil to her but yet still be firm like you were. Say what you said, give her a hug and let her go. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 A Hug wont hurt Are you kidding? Have you ever been dumped before, and then the dumper has the nerve to swing by your house to say hi (also known as a low-blow to checkup on you) and then you allow them to hug you and BAM! All the emotions come back with a vengence and you are back to ground zero in your long process of healing. You were absolutely right to deny her a hug. She denied you a frickin relationship, you owe her nothing. Dont allow her to keep getting what she wants out of you and walking away - which you did not, dont get me wrong I think you did the best thing possible. As for calling her a bitch in the title of the post, I'm sorry but when youre hurt, its easy to become over-sensitive and name-calling is not uncommon. It's not like he said it TO her, he's justsayin it to us Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Chris, can i get a hug? then i laughed at her and said no. not in a mean way. just a laugh of justification. then i told her "listen, i really don't think it's a good idea that you come around anymore to say hi. you hurt me real bad. i still love you and all, but it's either all or nothing." flat out told her and she was all surprised and said weakly, ok. said good byes and still no hug. I think you did the right thing. You have made it clear that she gets you all, or she gets nothing - no 'friends, no 'hugs', no 'chitchat'. You are standing by your word, and there is absolutely no reason to give - even an inch - as long as she is still sitting the fence like she is. She may have wanted to "come over and talk" but you told her you loved her and gave her a choice - "all or nothing" and she walked right out that door. She is still not ready to give all, so she has to live with the consequences of that. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 wtf?? she plays games with you, then shows up out of the blue and then asks for a hug?? Man, I would do EXACTLY the same as what you did. I treat most women nice but I do NOT take shyt from b*tchy women. And, yes, I agree with you that she's a b*tch. I don't think you're that naive you can't see thru her scheming ways. She doesn't want to give you enough time to 'get over' her. It's all about power. Some women are just very very good at that and I've seen enough of that. Whatever you do, just remember to keep walking and DON'T look back. There are much better girls out there who deserves your hug more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whereismylifegoing Posted October 21, 2005 Author Share Posted October 21, 2005 thank you, thank you. and i'm not giving a hug to somebody who broke my heart and now wants to check up on me. i've come this far and i'm not turning back. i wouldn't even have talked to her anymore but that f***ing phone call and the "i'll be right over" didn't help any. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 i just wonder if i was a jerk for doing all that? Nope. Of course not. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleMiss Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 I also think you did the right think. You weren't being rude. You were looking out for your best interests. She knows you still love her and she knows what going over there and acting all nice and wanting hugs does to you. She knows. She just fishing for some kind of reaction from you. She probably thought you would drop everything and beg her to come back to you. Ha! She certainty didn't think you would turn her away. Don't worry you were right and hopefully she learned that you can't drop people and pick them back up whenever you feel like it. Link to post Share on other sites
KAris112297 Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 I also think you did the right think. You weren't being rude. You were looking out for your best interests. She knows you still love her and she knows what going over there and acting all nice and wanting hugs does to you. She knows. She just fishing for some kind of reaction from you. She probably thought you would drop everything and beg her to come back to you. Ha! She certainty didn't think you would turn her away. Don't worry you were right and hopefully she learned that you can't drop people and pick them back up whenever you feel like it. That's just coniving!!! Good for you WimLG!!! I would hate to have to go thru that, You did the right thing! -KAris Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Bravo...... I believe you did the right thing. A hug would have only stirred your feelings for her more. I know this from experience. She can't have her cake and eat it too. It is either "all or nothing"... I know it wasn't easy but you showed signs of maturity and strength. Bravo, Bravo Link to post Share on other sites
Author whereismylifegoing Posted October 21, 2005 Author Share Posted October 21, 2005 Don't get me wrong people. She is a good person and i'm not rude by nature. but she told me all about her "i need space and time to figure things out on my own" speech. i'm not dealing with anymore Bull$hit. you either love me or you don't. if you don't go kick rocks and if you do let's try to work it out. if anybody has read my other post you would understand. but i'm moving on with or with out her. i'm telling you after a while of not talking, your mind gives you different thoughts about the whole situation. like instead of "i want her back so bad, to i'm not so sure now....." like i said we'll see what happens and i'll let you's know. P.S. Who thinks my dog looks good? she a pretty doggy. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnJohn Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 My dog thinks your dog is a hottie and he wonders if she is single? Link to post Share on other sites
blue16 Posted October 21, 2005 Share Posted October 21, 2005 Interesting how the first reply was "You were being a jerk you should of hugged her!" and the following two posters are in agreement. Then someone posts a different opinion (the idea that he made the right decision) and then all the other people agree with that statement. Funny how conformity works. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted October 22, 2005 Share Posted October 22, 2005 Interesting how the first reply was "You were being a jerk you should of hugged her!" and the following two posters are in agreement. Then someone posts a different opinion (the idea that he made the right decision) and then all the other people agree with that statement. Funny how conformity works. doesn't happen all the time Blue. Very seldom do I see conformity in LS. As for me, the b*tch verdict was out before I even finished reading the OP's post. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted October 22, 2005 Share Posted October 22, 2005 Interesting how the first reply was "You were being a jerk you should of hugged her!" and the following two posters are in agreement. Then someone posts a different opinion (the idea that he made the right decision) and then all the other people agree with that statement. Funny how conformity works. Are you trying to suggest that these people are incapable of forming their own opinions on this situation? Thats a pretty harsh statement to make, considering some of them, including myself, have had similar conflicts. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 22, 2005 Share Posted October 22, 2005 ...the b*tch verdict was out before I even finished reading the OP's post. Amen to that. Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted October 22, 2005 Share Posted October 22, 2005 how dare she announce she is gonna come over and you say no and she comes anyway! the nerve! besides, you did the right thing and next time just leave before she gets there! if she didnt get the picture this time! and tell her the dog is off limits! you and the dog are a package deal! i havent read the post, but how could you ever hug her again after all that you went through!? i have / am in the same kinda deal (only i am one year out and no contact and doing great!) I can only imagine what that must have been like! in fact, i have a friend who is dating a girl who broke up with her long time bf to go out with him, and at first i did not like her for it...but i got over it but still kept it in the back of my mind...well my friend cheated on her (not condoned by me) and she left something that many said was good, and got hurt her heart broken....karma? i think so, but thats just my opinion, i may be wrong. just keep up the nc and move on, if she thinks there is better out there for her, than let her go. there definately will be better out there for you if she feels this way. Link to post Share on other sites
blue16 Posted October 22, 2005 Share Posted October 22, 2005 Are you trying to suggest that these people are incapable of forming their own opinions on this situation? Thats a pretty harsh statement to make, considering some of them, including myself, have had similar conflicts. How did I suggest people weren't capable of forming their own opinions? The only observation I was making is that people are posting similar opinions based on the 'trend' of the thread, if you know what I mean. Theres nothing wrong with that, it's just conformity in action. I just studied conformity in class so it's fresh in my mind. The same influence had an effect on me. I saw the first couple of posts about how he was being a jerk for not hugging her, and I thought "Ya you know he could've atleast given her a hug to be civil..." Then I saw the trend switch the other way where most people were saying "Well he told her it was all or nothing, so she doesn't deserve a hug at all." and I re-thought my opinion and now I'm swayed in that direction. Not trying to put-down anyone, just making an observation, but it seems like it was taken in the wrong light. Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted October 22, 2005 Share Posted October 22, 2005 Thats cool dude, dosent matter! Contraversy and different opinions are allowed Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted October 22, 2005 Share Posted October 22, 2005 How did I suggest people weren't capable of forming their own opinions? The only observation I was making is that people are posting similar opinions based on the 'trend' of the thread, if you know what I mean. Theres nothing wrong with that, it's just conformity in action. I just studied conformity in class so it's fresh in my mind. The same influence had an effect on me. I saw the first couple of posts about how he was being a jerk for not hugging her, and I thought "Ya you know he could've atleast given her a hug to be civil..." Then I saw the trend switch the other way where most people were saying "Well he told her it was all or nothing, so she doesn't deserve a hug at all." and I re-thought my opinion and now I'm swayed in that direction. Not trying to put-down anyone, just making an observation, but it seems like it was taken in the wrong light. I was thinkin more along the lines of, someone made a good point, so some people agreed. And then someone made an even stronger point, which caused more agreements to be posted... conformity? How about... agreement? just my .02 Link to post Share on other sites
Author whereismylifegoing Posted October 22, 2005 Author Share Posted October 22, 2005 ok ok update.... and no more fighting this is forum is here to help not to fight. you's can do that on aim. i was at the bar and she magically shows up. after i told her that it's all or nothing, she still tried to talk to me. She's like "what you don't feel like talking to me?" i said "what for?" then she's like "fine" gets up and is starting to walk away.....then i tell her to take a hike. she was pissed. oh well........ how am i supposed to do nc if she keeps finding me and wanting to talk to me? wtf is that.....i guarentee that she is going to call me sometime this week and try to talk again. i will just ignore. it still hurts a little, but the worst part is over. now i can finally move on. How about that........i told her to take a hike. never thought i would say that. Link to post Share on other sites
blue16 Posted October 22, 2005 Share Posted October 22, 2005 And then someone made an even stronger point... who would that someone be I wonder? Link to post Share on other sites
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