Elsa13 Posted December 12, 2021 Share Posted December 12, 2021 I've just broken up with my fiancee. We've been living together for 14 years and have a shared mortgage. Things haven't been good between us for a while. We tried couples therapy earlier in the year to no avail. He feels I don't support him enough, I feel he drinks too much and is always angry. So it's kind of a mutual decision, though probably more mine than his. We've decided he'll stay in the house, but I get to keep our 3 chihuahuas. So I have to find somewhere to else to live. I love my home, the thought of leaving it breaks my heart. For now I'm staying in the lounge room because with the dogs it's too hard to stay with friends or family. I'm worried my resolve will weaken, and he'll try to change my mind. But we no longer make each other happy so I really feel this is the right choice. Any advice would be very appreciated, as well as sharing your similar experiences. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 12, 2021 Share Posted December 12, 2021 Hi Elsa, it sounds like you're doing the right thing. When I left my previous marriage, for the first week or two I was a bit shell shocked. But after that, I felt like the sun had come out for the first time in years. The sense of lightness and freedom that I felt showed me that I'd made the right decision. I hope that you also experience a similar positive feeling once you're out. When do you think you'll be able to move out? Is he buying out your share of the house? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 12, 2021 Share Posted December 12, 2021 2 hours ago, Elsa13 said: I'm staying in the lounge room because with the dogs it's too hard to stay with friends or family. we no longer make each other happy so I really feel this is the right choice. Sorry this happened. Sever all financial ties and get your name off the mortgage. He's an abusive drunk. You're right to free yourself from this. Find other accommodation asap. If you have financial ties and he won't reimburse you, consult an attorney. Most importantly, stop camping out there. Move out asap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elsa13 Posted December 12, 2021 Author Share Posted December 12, 2021 @basil67thank you for that, part of me is honestly quite excited about the future now. As for when I can move out - as soon as I can find a room to rent that allows dogs. I've already started looking. We haven't discussed any financial things yet, but I imagine he'll have to buy me out, or sell. One of the worst parts is we just had a new pergola built that cost $16k and 10k of that was gifted to us from my parents, so I feel really guilty for leaving. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 12, 2021 Share Posted December 12, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Elsa13 said: We've decided he'll stay in the house, but I get to keep our 3 chihuahuas. You need to rethink this. Speak to your financial advisors, banker, CPA and attorney. You're getting a raw deal. Ask him to leave. Don't be emotional and foolish. Get your money for the house and your investments upfront. It's ridiculous to relegate yourself to the sofa. You need to talk to trusted friends and family about the drinking and abuse. Edited December 12, 2021 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
searching heart Posted December 12, 2021 Share Posted December 12, 2021 Don't know if it applies where your from but living together that long you are already common-law married. Most states it's 50/50 split Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elsa13 Posted December 13, 2021 Author Share Posted December 13, 2021 On 12/12/2021 at 5:16 PM, Wiseman2 said: Don't be emotional and foolish. Get your money for the house and your investments upfront. I can assure you I've never been accused of being emotional or foolish. I will most certainly be asking him to pay me out of the mortgage, but for now we both need some time to grieve... Link to post Share on other sites
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