Know I was wrong

[Farfromperfect]

Let me just start off by saying I know it was wrong of me to do. It started off as an emotional affair, as a coworker would confide in me about his relationship troubles and I would do the same. I was single he was married but he had told me that she had filed for divorce. Long story short we ended up getting together on one occasion about 7 months back. His wife found out. 
She’s now been sending me threatening emails and text messages saying that she’s going to tell my family as well as get me fired from my job.

What rights do I have here, if any? 

Edited December 12, 2021 by Farfromperfect

[Wiseman2]

26 minutes ago, Farfromperfect said:

Long story short we ended up getting together on one occasion about 7 months back. She’s now been sending me threatening emails and text messages saying that she’s going to tell my family as well as get me fired from my job.

Delete and block him, her and all their people from all your social media, contacts and messaging apps.

She has no recourse at your work place.

It's not libel/slander because unfortunately, it's true. You knowingly slept with her husband.

How would she know your friends/family contact info anyway? Unless your cheating lying lover tells her. He's the problem.

You can't even get a restraining order because all she is doing is threatening to tell your friends/family (the truth).

Talk to your lying cheating rat about it. Send Him a cease and desist letter.

His mess, his wife, let him clean it up. For inspiration, tell the rat that if she proceeds you'll file sexual harassment charges against him.

Edited December 12, 2021 by Wiseman2

[SouthernIslander]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Delete and block him, her and all their people from all your social media, contacts and messaging apps.

She has no recourse at your work place.

It's not libel/slander because unfortunately, it's true. You knowingly slept with her husband.

How would she know your friends/family contact info anyway? Unless your cheating lying lover tells her. He's the problem.

You can't even get a restraining order because all she is doing is threatening to tell your friends/family (the truth).

Talk to your lying cheating rat about it. Send Him a cease and desist letter.

His mess, his wife, let him clean it up. For inspiration, tell the rat that if she proceeds you'll file sexual harassment charges against him.

How would sexual harassment charges stick if their interaction was consensual?    Cease and desist won’t legally force the wife from spreading the truth would it? 
 

 

[SouthernIslander]

If I were you I would apologize to his wife,  block them all and don’t speak to her husband again.  Maybe go ahead and tell your family that you made a mistake, so she can’t hold that over your head.   As far as your job, check your  HR policy but getting you fired would mean getting him fired ..which would negatively impact her financially.   She may not be so quick to do that.  
 

I would also advise against asking or  expecting him to make his wife do anything because now he is focused on saving his own behind so don’t give him ammo to further throw you under the bus to make himself look better.  
 

 

[Wiseman2]

19 minutes ago, SouthernIslander said:

How would sexual harassment charges stick if their interaction was consensual?    Cease and desist won’t legally force the wife from spreading the truth would it? 

No. It was, past tense, consensual. How is she going "spread the truth" and to whom?

Unless her lying cheating lover told his wife all her relatives and friends contact into.

It's unclear why she feels threatened by a scorned woman's empty threats, but she does.

Obviously "get her fired" is horseapples. But this creep she saw needs to sit on the bomb he planted.

If the scorned wife is ignorant enough to tell the workplace, then yes, she should claim she was being harassed and let him know that's what she will do so scored wife shuts up as he applies heat to the wife. 

Edited December 12, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Pumpernickel]

It was a one-time event 7 months ago! Who cares? His W has zero leverage. Also - if anything, he’d get fired as well. She’s shooting in the dark.

Tell her he told you that she (they) had filed for a divorce before it happened. It’s not your fault.
Or deny it altogether. You don’t owe her an explanation. I get she’s hurt, especially if he lied about the pending D. But that’s not your problem. 
 

Tell him to keep her in check. She is his W after all. If he doesn’t, throw him under the bus & expose him. 

Edited December 12, 2021 by Pumpernickel

[SouthernIslander]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

No. It was, past tense, consensual. How is she going "spread the truth" and to whom?

Unless her lying cheating lover told his wife all her relatives and friends contact into.

It's unclear why she feels threatened by a scorned woman's empty threats, but she does.

Obviously "get her fired" is horseapples. But this creep she saw needs to sit on the bomb he planted.

If the scorned wife is ignorant enough to tell the workplace, then yes, she should claim she was being harassed and let him know that's what she will do so scored wife shuts up as he applies heat to the wife. 

Oh you’re taking about HR, I thought you meant the police.  
 

I’ve seen this situation happen at a previous job multiple times unfortunately.  If the coworker isn’t making unwanted sexual advances towards OP; that wouldn’t be considered sexual harassment and I don’t think they can do anything about the wife’s threats unless the wife is coming to their job, making calls, etc.   

If OP feels threatened, the best thing for her to do is contact the police if the behavior is more than what she has described in the original post.   

[Farfromperfect]

43 minutes ago, SouthernIslander said:

As far as your job, check your  HR policy but getting you fired would mean getting him fired

He recently retired. 

[SouthernIslander]

Just now, Farfromperfect said:

He recently retired. 

Oh, you definitely don’t have to worry about losing your job or anything happening other than maybe some gossip..which will die down.   

[Farfromperfect]

4 minutes ago, SouthernIslander said:

Oh, you definitely don’t have to worry about losing your job or anything happening other than maybe some gossip..which will die down.   

When the affair occurred though, he was still working at the same place. 

[SouthernIslander]

Just now, Farfromperfect said:

When the affair occurred though, he was still working at the same place. 

Unless your job has a very strict policy against employees dating or you were his boss..I still don’t think it will matter…even moreso now that he doesn’t even work there anymore.  
 

Ive only known one person to get fired over an affair but it was severe.  

[Farfromperfect]

1 minute ago, SouthernIslander said:

Unless your job has a very strict policy against employees dating or you were his boss..

Many employees date and it’s not necessarily frowned upon. 
He was also my supervisor and 10 years older. 

[Wiseman2]

25 minutes ago, Farfromperfect said:

He recently retired. 

Ok simple. Block him and her and everyone associated with them .

How would his scorned wife know your friend/family contact info? In fact how does she know yours?

 

Edited December 12, 2021 by Wiseman2

[SouthernIslander]

5 minutes ago, Farfromperfect said:

Many employees date and it’s not necessarily frowned upon. 
He was also my supervisor and 10 years older. 

Age doesn’t matter. I think you’re fine since he was your boss, if anything he would have been the one fired.  
 

I think blocking them and moving on is best.  

[pepperbird2]

3 hours ago, Farfromperfect said:

Let me just start off by saying I know it was wrong of me to do. It started off as an emotional affair, as a coworker would confide in me about his relationship troubles and I would do the same. I was single he was married but he had told me that she had filed for divorce. Long story short we ended up getting together on one occasion about 7 months back. His wife found out. 
She’s now been sending me threatening emails and text messages saying that she’s going to tell my family as well as get me fired from my job.

What rights do I have here, if any? 

She shouldn't be bothering you like this. She's hurt and angry, but even  so.

If it were me, I woudl prepare an email message giving her one chance to ask any questions and get all her anger out. Whether you choose to read it or not is up to you. You can even create a "throwaway" account on gmail, etc. so  she won't have you real one.

Let her know this is a one time only thing. Be very clear about that. Be equally clear about the consequences should she ignore you request and make sure to stick to them if she ignores you.

If you do this, DO NOT contact MM again. Even if he reaches out, ignore and block.

[pepperbird2]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

d.

If the scorned wife is ignorant enough to tell the workplace, then yes, she should claim she was being harassed and let him know that's what she will do so scored wife shuts up as he applies heat to the wife. 

um, yeah.

that's a real kick in the arse for anyone, male or female, who was actually harassed at work.

[elaine567]

Is there any way she could get you fired or make your working life a misery?
Do either of them hold any influence over your bosses - long term friendships? family?
Do you live in a small town, where small town gossip could kill you socially?
Do you have a professional reputation to maintain?
If not then forget about it. Ignore her.

I guess she may tell your family though. It may be prudent to tell them first.
Of course if your family are likely to ostracise you or worse for your actions, then it is unfortunately  a valid threat.
She has the truth on her side,,,, denying her allegations may just look even worse for you.

Edited December 12, 2021 by elaine567

[Farfromperfect]

3 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

 

Is there any way she could get you fired or make your working life a misery?
Do either of them hold any influence over your bosses - long term friendships? family?
Do you live in a small town, where small town gossip could kill you socially?
Do you have a professional reputation to maintain?
If not then forget about it. Ignore her.
 

 

Yes, yes and yes. The only reason I am even remotely concerned. 

[Farfromperfect]

4 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

She has the truth on her side,,,, denying her allegations may just look even worse for you.

And, I’m not looking to deny any allegations. As I said. Guilty and shouldn’t have allowed myself to get involved. 

[elaine567]

3 minutes ago, Farfromperfect said:

Yes, yes and yes. The only reason I am even remotely concerned. 

Ah...
Maybe think of getting a new job and moving...

[Farfromperfect]

13 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Ah...
Maybe think of getting a new job and moving...

Not the type to run. I’ll own up to it and suffer the consequences as they come.  

Just hope she’s also ready for the whole truth to be exposed and the fact that her family will also continue to suffer even more than they already have. 

[elaine567]

Sounds like you are ready to start a war...
But you need to consider you are not on the moral high ground here.
She is the victim.

[Luna66star]

She has every right to be angry whether she asked for a divorce or not.  Put yourself in her shoes.  They are not divorced and who knows what the state is of that legal procedure at this time.  Wouldn't you be pissed off too?  On the other hand  threatening someone is not okay.  She should have asked you sternly to stop contacting her H  then left it at that.

I don’t see how she can get you fired.  But she could spread the word around, I'd she knows people there, and cause a bad reputation.  Do you want that?

Move on. Get out of this situation asap and cut off all contact.  He's now retired from your office so you won't be running into him.  

These type of relationships rarely work out for the OW.  Look at what you have to deal with now.  Angry wife, possibly bad reputation at work, heartache from a lost relationship. These are all caused by the bad choices we make. Going through this is awful and I feel your frustration/pain. 

I've been through it all.  I realize this is a realistic and hard nosed type of comment. However, it's a wake up call and it's the only type of advice given to me by others that stuck.  And propelled me to truly move on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[SouthernIslander]

1 hour ago, Farfromperfect said:

And, I’m not looking to deny any allegations. As I said. Guilty and shouldn’t have allowed myself to get involved. 

Were you still communicating with him or did it end 7 months ago?

[Farfromperfect]

1 hour ago, SouthernIslander said:

Were you still communicating with him or did it end 7 months ago?

Affair was 7 months ago. Stopped talking to him about 3 months ago when he retired. 
His

 

1 hour ago, SouthernIslander said:

Were you still communicating with him or did it end 7 months ago?

Affair was about 7 months back. Stopped communicating with him about 3 months ago when he retired. His wife started texting and messaging me a few weeks ago.