Parents Want Me to Move Closer to Them

[MIAho]

For the past few months, I've been looking to move out of my current place. My plan is to move to a place that is still close to my job, but closer to my CrossFit gym that I love going to, where most of my friends live and centrally located to places where I can meet people and go on dates. 

My father has offered to help me financially with a downpayment for a home only if I move to a place that is closer to where they live, which would add an hour to my commute, force me to leave my CrossFit gym, leave behind friends, and isn't centrally located to anything. Even though they haven't told me, they also see it as a place where they could have my teenage nephew stay whenever he visits or even worse, another place where my older brother could live in the event he ever breaks up with his girlfriend and has to move. I have a strained relationship with my older brother largely due to what happened the last time we shared a place together and he was the roommate from hell. 

In addition to trying to hard sell me on the idea of moving closer to them, my parents have also been offering me unsolicited dating advice and even made the asinine suggestion that I quit doing some of the hobbies that I love doing, Mud Races and CrossFit, because having just turned 40, I'm starting to get too old for these activities, despite being in the best shape of my life. 

What do you think I should do? 

[glows]

Since the help with the downpayment comes with many other obligations you may not feel comfortable with the logical solution is to find an alternative that works for you. 

Maybe manage things a bit better so you have a downpayment for yourself in x time. Rearrange your hobbies and find more opportunity for work. Look at advancing yourself and adding skills or experience. This is about balancing work and play, and also, living according to your own terms. 

It doesn’t mean being rude to your family or snubbing them. Find a way to live on your terms and preserve your relationships.

[Wiseman2]

23 minutes ago, MIAho said:

My father has offered to help me financially with a downpayment for a home only if I move to a place that is closer to where they live

Are you from a collectivist culture where you are expected to care for your elders? 

Don't be coerced if you don't desperately need the money. Why take money with heavy strings attached and live in a place you can't stand?

Stop talking to your parents about your love life.

[MIAho]

10 minutes ago, glows said:

Since the help with the downpayment comes with many other obligations you may not feel comfortable with the logical solution is to find an alternative that works for you. 

Maybe manage things a bit better so you have a downpayment for yourself in x time. Rearrange your hobbies and find more opportunity for work. Look at advancing yourself and adding skills or experience. This is about balancing work and play, and also, living according to your own terms. 

It doesn’t mean being rude to your family or snubbing them. Find a way to live on your terms and preserve your relationships.

I already have a stable and successful career and can easily afford to buy what I'm looking for. My parents are only doing that to entice me into moving closer where they live. 

[dramafreezone]

I would not do it if this is something you do not want to do.  You will just end up resenting your family for a choice that you made, they didn't force you into it.

One thing we have to learn is to not say yes to everyone.  We even have to tell our closest loved ones no from time to time.  You have to live your life to make yourself happy.

[glows]

1 hour ago, MIAho said:

I already have a stable and successful career and can easily afford to buy what I'm looking for. My parents are only doing that to entice me into moving closer where they live. 

You’re only one hour away from them should you move to your neighbourhood of choice. This is not a large distance at all. 

I don’t see the reason why you mentioned the downpayment if it’s not an issue for you or you don’t need their help. 

Your older brother will have to find other accommodation and fend for himself should things go south. That comes with some maturity/planning and sooner rather than later is preferable. I’m sure if your parents are concerned about your nephew (also from this brother?) they will deal with it when the time comes in discussion with your brother. 

I think a lot of this may be guilt and you building things up in your mind. Where you live is up to you. You’re not moving to the other side of the country or globe. 

[Els]

1 hour ago, MIAho said:

I already have a stable and successful career and can easily afford to buy what I'm looking for. My parents are only doing that to entice me into moving closer where they live. 

Well then, surely the solution is obvious? Just decline their offer and buy where you want.

[ShyViolet]

Is this really a question?  You don't move somewhere that you know you would be miserable, just because your parents want you to.  You are an adult who makes your own decisions and you need to live where you will be happy.  If your parents don't like it, then too bad.

[S2B]

Stay where you love it.

your parents are selfish thinking you need to forfeit what you live to satisfy their wants.

it probably best that you keep that distance from their controlling behavior.

don’t take money from them - it comes with too many strings. Just buy your own place - wherever you choose makes you happiest.

[basil67]

What to do?  Thank them for their offer, but graciously decline stating that you plan to stay where your work and social life is.