Old flame keeps blocking me and coming back

[Nickykp]

Back in 2020 I reconnected with an old flame. He is in a long term relationship with a toddler and a baby on the way. He doesn't know I know he has a baby on the way. I'm the first he's cheated on his partner with. 

Our relationship has been on off and off due to him constantly blocking me and then returning several weeks later. 

We hooked up recently and afterwards he told me it was amazing then he blocked me again.

 I'm over this toxic affair, I would like closure from him.

What would you do in my circumstance?

 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Nickykp said:

He doesn't know I know he has a baby on the way. I'm the first he's cheated on his partner with. Our relationship has been on off and off due to him constantly blocking me and then returning several weeks later. 

Do yourself a  favor and delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. Then you'll be free to date honest decent single men without the background noise from creeps like this.

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, Nickykp said:

What would you do in my circumstance?

Is there something stopping you from blocking him and/or not responding when he reaches out? I mean - why does he get to decide whether this on-again/off-again relationship is on-again or off-again? You have control of your own life. If you want to end it, you end it. 

What kind of closure do you need beside - “You are in another relationship (with children) and I refuse to be the woman with whom you betray your family.” You give yourself closure when you find the self respect to make a better decision for yourself! 

Edited December 13, 2021 by BaileyB

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Nickykp said:

Our relationship has been on off and off due to him constantly blocking me and then returning several weeks later. 

We hooked up recently and afterwards he told me it was amazing then he blocked me again.

 I'm over this toxic affair, I would like closure from him.

It you're over this affair why are you still reaching out to him causing him to block you and then hooking up with him?  Just delete, block and be done.  He's done too that's why he's blocking you.  He hooked up with you to do it one last time.  That's all the closure you need to know.

[glows]

Then let him come back. Just don't answer. The only closure you need is being ready to say goodbye for yourself.

Are you also in a relationship with someone else?

[mark clemson]

There may be little you can do to prevent him from attempting to reach out, but whether you respond is of course up to you.

IF he gets weird about it on you, you might be able to bring cyber stalking laws into play. That would probably require a discussion with a lawyer as these laws vary quite a bit, wording of the law is important and may sound different to laymen than the force the law actually carries, etc, etc. You wouldn't perform brain surgery on yourself, as the saying goes...

You could also threaten to disclose the affair to his wife if he contacts you again. That is very likely to shut him up as well.

Threatening legal action and/or to tell his wife are IMO very likely to result in him never contacting you again, so I'd suggest only doing if you're quite serious about never hearing from him again. Also if you threaten legal action but then contact him again yourself it may hurt your chances of enforcing any legal "rights" you may have (although again something like that requires discussion with a lawyer to fully understand the parameters.)

[ExpatInItaly]

11 hours ago, Nickykp said:

I'm over this toxic affair, I would like closure from him.

What would you do in my circumstance?

I would remind myself that closure is an illusion, and I'm only fooling myself by refusing to let go. 

I would realize it's up to me to walk away, not him. 

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, mark clemson said:

There may be little you can do to prevent him from attempting to reach out, 

Actually all social media, messaging apps and devices have deleting and blocking features. It's that simple.

[mark clemson]

^^  that's certainly correct. I was thinking of "workarounds" - for example if he knows her email, he can create a new email and then contact her; if he knows her phone number he can get a new phone (or use an app that fakes #s) and try calling or texting etc. That's the sort of thing I had in mind.

[vla1120]

19 hours ago, Nickykp said:

I'm over this toxic affair, I would like closure from him.

What would you do in my circumstance?

Forget about "closure from him". Let your closure be you blocking him and NEVER unblocking him again. It's as simple as that.

[mark clemson]

^^ a good plan. "Closure" eventually comes from within when you have fully processed your feelings over a breakup and they no longer bother you. Generally this mostly takes time and while a nice conversation confirming you've ended on reasonably good terms or similar can indeed be helpful, it's not IMO actually necessary. For the vast majority of people/relationships our brain will "create closure" for us on it's own. It just tends to take longer than we'd like.

[Nickykp]

Thanks for your feedback and as per your advice I blocked him. This thread copied resonated with me a lot. The push pull dynamic and the love bombing got me hooked. I think my issue is that I am left thinking that I did something that turned him off, I keep overthinking things. 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/599870-why-my-affair-was-toxic-mw-with-mm/

Edited December 15, 2021 by Nickykp

[SouthernIslander]

Based on his actions, I doubt you’re the only person he has cheated with. The on/off thing is common with serial cheaters.  

 

I’d leave him alone and let it go without overthinking it or feeling like you did something wrong.  It’s not worth it and that’s energy you can spend on enjoying your life.