livingalife2009 Posted December 16, 2021 Share Posted December 16, 2021 During remote learning I noticed that my son who was diagnosed with ADHD needed more help than the public school could offer so I moved him to a private school. We are not poor by any means but compare to a lot of families at his school we are + we live a very conservative lifestyle. Most of his friends live in 1 - 2 million dollar homes while ours is 500k. My son is well liked and got invited to his rich friends home. I plan to have a gathering for kids on new year's eve, I asked my son to invite his friends home but he refused because he is ashamed of our home. I do not want my son to be ashamed of anything, I want him to live a life that is real and not to hide anything. What can I do to help him live a shame free life? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 16, 2021 Share Posted December 16, 2021 Honestly, there's probably not a great deal you can do - kids (and many adults!) will judge themselves by those who are around them. While I'm sure the private school offers much more in specialised support, it's hard to instill living a "real" life when he's in a cultivated environment which is pitched at those who can afford the trappings. Has your son got any idea for compromises? Is he still keeping up with his public school friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author livingalife2009 Posted December 16, 2021 Author Share Posted December 16, 2021 1 hour ago, basil67 said: Honestly, there's probably not a great deal you can do - kids (and many adults!) will judge themselves by those who are around them. While I'm sure the private school offers much more in specialised support, it's hard to instill living a "real" life when he's in a cultivated environment which is pitched at those who can afford the trappings. Has your son got any idea for compromises? Is he still keeping up with his public school friends? Yes. He still has playdates with his buddies from public school. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 16, 2021 Share Posted December 16, 2021 Hopefully they'll keep him grounded Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 16, 2021 Share Posted December 16, 2021 8 hours ago, livingalife2009 said: . We are not poor by any means but compare to a lot of families at his school we are + we live a very conservative lifestyle. Stop trying to keep up with the Joneses. This comes from you. Kids don't care. Sadly you are teaching him to be materialistic and socially awkward because of your prejudices about wealth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author livingalife2009 Posted December 16, 2021 Author Share Posted December 16, 2021 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Stop trying to keep up with the Joneses. This comes from you. Kids don't care. Sadly you are teaching him to be materialistic and socially awkward because of your prejudices about wealth. Hmmm I am curious where you get the idea that I even want to keep up with the Jones and that I'm prejudice about wealth? 9 hours ago, basil67 said: Honestly, there's probably not a great deal you can do - kids (and many adults!) will judge themselves by those who are around them. While I'm sure the private school offers much more in specialised support, it's hard to instill living a "real" life when he's in a cultivated environment which is pitched at those who can afford the trappings. Has your son got any idea for compromises? Is he still keeping up with his public school friends? Yes. He still has playdates with his buddies from public school. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 16, 2021 Share Posted December 16, 2021 12 hours ago, livingalife2009 said: During remote learning I noticed that my son who was diagnosed with ADHD needed more help than the public school could offer so I moved him to a private school. We are not poor by any means but compare to a lot of families at his school we are + we live a very conservative lifestyle. Most of his friends live in 1 - 2 million dollar homes while ours is 500k. My son is well liked and got invited to his rich friends home. I plan to have a gathering for kids on new year's eve, I asked my son to invite his friends home but he refused because he is ashamed of our home. I do not want my son to be ashamed of anything, I want him to live a life that is real and not to hide anything. What can I do to help him live a shame free life? Talk with him. Show him there’s nothing to be ashamed of. If you appear confused or offended by his comment he’ll also see that in you, a grip of insecurity and unsureness. It’s a hurtful comment but try showing that the heart of a home is not made up of expensive things or its size. It’s the laughter and all that joy in it spending time as a family and with friends that makes it home. Play with him and take him outside. He will learn from you too. Does he participate in chores? It’s a good way to get kids involved and busy. You can’t change the way they form opinions but you can give them experiences so do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 16, 2021 Share Posted December 16, 2021 2 hours ago, livingalife2009 said: the idea that I even want to keep up with the Jones and that I'm prejudice about wealth? 12 year olds do not worry or even know about what homes cost. That worry comes from you. Let him have his friends without the status symbol drama. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 16, 2021 Share Posted December 16, 2021 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: 12 year olds do not worry or even know about what homes cost. That worry comes from you. Let him have his friends without the status symbol drama. Unfortunately this is not true. My nephew's 7 year old is ashamed of the 3 story condo his mother bought after she moved out of my nephew's very large house in a gated community. He keeps telling her how he hates the condo and wants to go home to his big house. I couldn't believe it. I told her to put his butt in the car and drive him to slum neighborhoods to show him how some children have to live and how privileged he is to live and go to school where he does. This is just )*&^%$#)! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted December 16, 2021 Share Posted December 16, 2021 Have you talked to him indepth about why he feels ashamed? Somewhere in his life, he associates his self-worth with this issue of a more expensive home, or perhaps he associates the private school with his diagnosis of ADHD and feels some embarrassment about that diagnosis. Perhaps you need to take him to a professional to determine where the shame is coming from and take steps to rewire his self-worth so that it is not based on his enrollment at this private school or the cost of your home. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted December 16, 2021 Share Posted December 16, 2021 2 minutes ago, stillafool said: Unfortunately this is not true. My nephew's 7 year old is ashamed of the 3 story condo his mother bought after she moved out of my nephew's very large house in a gated community. He keeps telling her how he hates the condo and wants to go home to his big house. I couldn't believe it. I told her to put his butt in the car and drive him to slum neighborhoods to show him how some children have to live and how privileged he is to live and go to school where he does. This is just )*&^%$#)! Not to mention the constant reminder from television, movies, the media and social media about a person's worthiness somehow being tied to wealth and/or possessions. It's pretty prevalent in our society and it is up to parents to raise their kids to NOT judge a person based on the home their parents live in or the car their parents drive (and likewise, not to judge themselves based on the same by thinking they are either superior or inferior to others based on these conditions.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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