S2B Posted December 28, 2021 Share Posted December 28, 2021 4 hours ago, Hgm1920 said: Why isn't he thinking "she is hurting because of this.i love her , i ll do what it takes to make her happy" Because he generally thinks only of himself. That’s a fact! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted December 28, 2021 Share Posted December 28, 2021 4 hours ago, Hgm1920 said: Here i am... wanting him to WANT me... long for me... and there he is .. thinking "i wont ever be able to marry her so i shall be ready to stop this anytime" keeping distance... not really being emotionally vulnerable He is married. That’s his first priority. please remember most MM won’t do things to get caught/end their marriage. They will keep a gal as long as she doesn’t put the M at risk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 28, 2021 Share Posted December 28, 2021 9 hours ago, Hgm1920 said: Yes. I have received marriage proposals from other guys.but i just want a life with him. I can't and don't want to think about other guys while im in love with him... If you keep this attitude you will wake up one day being a lonely old woman. He will be gone and out of your life by then. He will never be yours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jilted Posted December 28, 2021 Share Posted December 28, 2021 13 hours ago, Hgm1920 said: Thank you... it hurts so much to think of it this way.... Yes - I know exactly how much it hurts The man I was involved with was the first one I had encountered of this type, but I've since learned they have a common mentality. If you want further proof, he is also using a known technique on you when he makes you doubt or criticize yourself for (rightly) being suspicious of him - look up the acronym DARVO - that was a new one for me too. The only solution is to get out of it. The pain will start to lessen. The book will help you understand why he seems like the only one for you and you can't get interested in other men right now. It may take a while but it will be better than staying in this situation which will only get more painful for you. I am just past the initial heartbreak and still miss many things about him but I am sure it was the right decision - even if I'm not sure where I am going from here. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Myabee Posted December 29, 2021 Share Posted December 29, 2021 19 hours ago, S2B said: He is married. That’s his first priority. please remember most MM won’t do things to get caught/end their marriage. They will keep a gal as long as she doesn’t put the M at risk. Yes.... Bingo... ME!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Myabee Posted December 29, 2021 Share Posted December 29, 2021 On 12/20/2021 at 8:01 PM, Hgm1920 said: No is the answer to everything except presents. He has given me presents. That's it. Nothing else in this list has happened with him. I am now wondering how 5 years has gone by and how i have been okay with getting so little for so many years..... I was thinking -i love him one day he will love me enough to marry me- i guess.... while unknown to me he has been ready to let me go anytime... He will keep you around as a play toy as long as you are not threatening the security of his marriage even if it's not a happy one. Look... This I learned first hand. The moment the wife found out I was poof gone... I have felt sadness, anxiety, anger and just about every emotion a person can have when someone they fell in love with drops them like a rock. I was a threat and that was the end. Never to hear from him again. Much anguish the last 5 weeks... but also learning how to create a new normal given the mess I voluntarily signed up for. Please try to end this, I don't see a good outcome. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hgm1920 Posted February 11, 2022 Author Share Posted February 11, 2022 (edited) I just wanted to inform all of you that this affair is over. We went on the date, it was perfect. After the date i.thought he has decided to marry me (based on 2 things he told me on the date) After a few days i asked whether he has decided to marry me. He said no. He has not felt it yet. And said that he thinks i fight with him so he cant marry me. I am tired of constantly being rejected... and i was crying. Then i requested him to order lunch for me( i pay, i didnt have the app for ordering) and he forgot and didn't even say sorry. And acted like it's my fault. So... its over. I love him so much and i hoped for 5 years that he would love me enough to select me. It never happened... Edited February 11, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator formatting 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 11, 2022 Share Posted February 11, 2022 It is better that this is finally over, OP. As much it hurts, it was never going to end the way you so badly hoped it would. I hope you have cut all communication with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 11, 2022 Share Posted February 11, 2022 (edited) That’s not a good man. He is simply not the man that you thought he was - he is not the man that you wanted him to be. I’m sorry that you are hurting but it is really for the best. It allows you to go in search of the man who is truly intended to be your partner - a relationship that will bring you joy and doesn’t make you cry. Edited February 11, 2022 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 11, 2022 Share Posted February 11, 2022 I hope you don't take him back because as you can see he's never going to leave his wife. He doesn't need her or her parents permission to divorce and go with you he just doesn't want to. Don't waste anymore of your life on this man but find one who can give you a life you deserve and make you his number one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hgm1920 Posted February 11, 2022 Author Share Posted February 11, 2022 9 minutes ago, BaileyB said: a relationship that will bring you joy and doesn’t make you cry. If a man loves me he won't make me sad knowingly and he will do whatever he can to give me joy... here he knew that im sad because he wasn't marrying me and he didnt do anything to change that... it seems he only thought about what is convinient to him and didn't bother about my feelings... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hgm1920 Posted February 11, 2022 Author Share Posted February 11, 2022 12 minutes ago, stillafool said: I hope you don't take him back because as you can see he's never going to leave his wife. He doesn't need her or her parents permission to divorce and go with you he just doesn't want to. Don't waste anymore of your life on this man but find one who can give you a life you deserve and make you his number one. I dont think he will be back. Yes... he does not want to live with me just wanted to chat with me so that HE gets what he wants... 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 11, 2022 Share Posted February 11, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, Hgm1920 said: Yes... he does not want to live with me just wanted to chat with me so that HE gets what he wants... He will say/do what he wants to do but the lesson learned here is that you find yourself in this situation because you chose it for yourself - this has little to nothing to do with him and everything to do with you. Do not be so trusting next time. When a man says he loves you and wants to be with you - if he is unavailable or his actions do not match his words it is simply not a good investment of your time. Edited February 11, 2022 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 11, 2022 Share Posted February 11, 2022 3 hours ago, Hgm1920 said: If a man loves me he won't make me sad knowingly and he will do whatever he can to give me joy... here he knew that im sad because he wasn't marrying me and he didnt do anything to change that... it seems he only thought about what is convinient to him and didn't bother about my feelings... I am glad you recognize this fact. I know it is painful now, but in the long run, you'll be much better off. After some time, hopefully, you will look for love from someone who can marry you and have a life with you being their priority. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 11, 2022 Share Posted February 11, 2022 5 hours ago, Hgm1920 said: here he knew that im sad because he wasn't marrying me and he didnt do anything to change that... OP, with due respect, your expectations were totally unrealistic here. You have the expectation that he will react as though he is your boyfriend, but the guy isn't even single. This is why you need to stay far away from men who are married or have girlfriends. They are not available (and generally not interested) to tend to your emotional needs. In the future, never get involved with men who are not 100000% single. They can't be the boyfriend (and husband) you're dreaming of. 3 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 11, 2022 Share Posted February 11, 2022 6 hours ago, Hgm1920 said: he knew that im sad because he wasn't marrying me and he didnt do anything to change that... The problem with this statement is that you, OP, are placing the responsibility on this married man. You are essentially saying - he knew what I wanted, he knew it was making me sad, and he still wouldn’t marry me - he didn’t do anything! The problem with this statement is that it’s not his problem to solve - it’s yours. He was always unavailable to you. It wasn’t that he knew you were sad because he wasn’t marrying you - it’s that you stayed in this relationship when you knew it wasn’t meeting your needs. The only person you control is yourself. If you are sad because he is otherwise committed to another woman and unable to marry you - rather than stomping your feet and telling the world how unfair this situation is, you need to face reality and make a different decision for yourself. It would seem that this is what you’ve done now, unfortunately it’s just five years too late… With kindness, be careful when you say - he knew what I wanted, he knew I was sad, and he didn’t make the decision I wanted him to make… The only person responsible for your happiness - is you! 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Luna66star Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 I'm so sad you are hurting so much from this experience. I went through a similar experience. There were very hard lessons learned and wake up calls about attached men. I thought interest MM showed in me was sincere 🤔 and he really felt something. Fact is, he really wasn't interested in anything but casual. I got my heart ❤ all caught up on loving him, showing him how much I cared. He even said I love you! All those words were said to ensure I stayed put and in my place. He was deceitful and selfish. I was naive. Another lesson. Honest, good MM don't start up friendships with other women and groom them for affairs. I used to question why he was so intent on starting a friendship. After getting used to his attention, I rationalized it all, thinking oh this is platonic and harmless. Why not. It was also great because he didn't encroach too much into my own life or make many demands. As time goes on how I started feeling used, began obsessing, felt lonely and frustrated that I was getting only breadcrumbs. My self esteem plummeted really low. This is where we end up. While MM has it all at home, wife running the household, kids, financial stability, home, vacations, etc. Stay away from friendly MM. There's an underhanded reason why they are so eager to connect. Most normal MM keep their distance from other women. In the end we get no respect either. Look at how he kept rejecting you over and over. It's not worth your time. These types of MM all act the same. Cold, uncaring and it only ever about them. I truly hope you can heal from this mess I think you can! Take the time to heal and close the door on any further communication with this bozo! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hgm1920 Posted February 12, 2022 Author Share Posted February 12, 2022 Yes... i am starting to see that no matter what his words say, his actions lets me know that he only cares about what is best for him... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 13 minutes ago, Hgm1920 said: Yes... i am starting to see that no matter what his words say, his actions lets me know that he only cares about what is best for him... Your first clue should have been that he is married and looking for entertainment on the side. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 14 hours ago, Hgm1920 said: I dont think he will be back. Yes... he does not want to live with me just wanted to chat with me so that HE gets what he wants... stop allowing men to treat you so poorly. get therapy and learn how to have higher standards for any man you date. stay away from married men! They never (rarely) leave the marriage!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hgm1920 Posted February 12, 2022 Author Share Posted February 12, 2022 I think i have always been confused.... -----His words ---- I want to see you happy I am very sad that you are living alone I will not keep you alone for long ------His actions----- Im crying here thinking he is with her and not me, he has not selected me, im sad because im not living with him. What has he done to change the situation? Nothing. * So for 5 years i have been asking " if you love me and want me, if u want to see me happy, how can you just be without doing anything to change the situation? Now i see that he loves himself more.... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 OP, are you hearing anything that we are saying? About your own role in this? This isn't all on him. You're at fault, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hgm1920 Posted February 12, 2022 Author Share Posted February 12, 2022 5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: OP, are you hearing anything that we are saying? About your own role in this? This isn't all on him. You're at fault, too. Yes.. yes.. we both started this affair so we both are wrong... I was talking about how he could be ok with me being in pain since he says he loves me... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 4 minutes ago, Hgm1920 said: I was talking about how he could be ok with me being in pain since he says he loves me... Because, as we've pointed out before, he doesn't love you. But instead of focusing on that, try to shift your energy into how you will heal and move forward. What steps are you taking to make sure he stays out of your life? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 12, 2022 Share Posted February 12, 2022 (edited) 7 hours ago, Hgm1920 said: * So for 5 years i have been asking " if you love me and want me, if u want to see me happy, how can you just be without doing anything to change the situation? Now i see that he loves himself more.... And, the man is married. Let’s not forget that inconvenient fact. You are very upset that he didn’t chose you but he was never able to chose you - It’s like - there is a play and they are doing auditions for the understudy/backup singer. You audition and you are chosen - but then you wait around for years and cry because you never get to be the lead actress. What you are not understanding is they already have a lead actress, you were hired to be the backup. You can’t then say - “I just don’t get it. I want to be the lead actress and It makes me sad that I’m not the lead actress. Why don’t they chose me to be the lead actress.” Do you see the problem here - you can’t ignore what is just because it’s not the way you want it to be. Next time - the man is married - full stop. No go. You need to date single men in the future. Edited February 12, 2022 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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