Lost

[ShatteredGlassHeart]

My story might not make sense to anyone because it is very unusual. I was dating a guy for the last 7 months, online only because they were in a different country. But not seeing each other didn't matter because we literally talked all day, every day. We had both been going through some tough times and were there to comfort each other. He quickly became my best friend as I have been battling depression and closed myself off from my friends and family.

We had some rough times. He was extremely jealous and always questioning me or thinking I was talking to other men because we did break up once but both of us had talked to someone else. The guy I had talked to ended up taunting my ex and telling him lies that he fed into. But we got through it and everything seemed good for awhile.

But over the last month I could tell things were different like him changing his sleep schedule, not being as loving. And I had just lost my grandfather so I pushed away a bit too. Once I grieved and opened up to him he said everything was fine between us then one day out of the blue he started an argument again thinking I was talking to other guys. Our arguments would last a day or two and were exhausting, never volatile though. I could just tell that he was done but he wouldn't say it so I forced it out of him and finally he said he didn't want to be with me anymore.

All of my suspicious feelings were right though, he immediately started dating another girl. So all of his accusations were just to cover up his own faults. 

It has been a week but I'm not feeling any better. I'm heartbroken because I loved him so much and we talked about marriage and having kids, a whole life together. This person who was there every day is now gone (well mostly but that's another story). I'm enraged because I keep thinking of his accusations towards me and his lies that he told me when I asked if everything was ok. I'm bitter and hateful towards this new girl because I messaged her and she also lied to me about their relationship. 

I messed up last night and unblocked him and evilly tried to sabotage his new relationship and to tell him how wrong he was for what he did. I keep blocking and unblocking him, not to talk but just to see his name there.

I know I shouldn't dwell on it but I've never felt so broken from a breakup before. In 7 months I felt more connection and love with him than in any other real life relationship. I felt like he was truly my soul mate and like half of me is missing.

I just don't know how to get over him. I'm in so much pain. I can't eat or sleep. I'm constantly anxious. I feel so lost and alone.

Edited December 19, 2021 by ShatteredGlassHeart
Missed word

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, ShatteredGlassHeart said:

 He quickly became my best friend as I have been battling depression and closed myself off from my friends and family. I'm in so much pain. I can't eat or sleep. I'm constantly anxious. I feel so lost and alone.

Unfortunately getting involved in this is a symptom of untreated/undertreated depression. It is part of the withdrawal and isolation.

 It's important to see your physician for a complete evaluation of your physical and mental health. Talk about the depression and withdrawal. 

Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

 In the meantime avoid cyber-relationships, trolls and catfish. 

Delete and block this individual from all your social media and messaging apps.

 Get involved on school, work, sport and fitness, join some clubs and groups, take classes, learn a language, volunteer, etc.

 Reconnect to trusted friends and family..

 If there are problems at home talk to trusted adults.

[glows]

You won’t want to hear this and it’s not to minimize your pain but I hope you realize also in this hurt that you constructed an idea of a person that appeared as an illusion over time. People do that in person too, choosing to disregard plenty of issues in broad daylight right under their nose. The most you can do is learn from this and change those destructive habits checking up on him or contacting him.

That he lied or didn’t have the courage to come clean early and say it was over instead of dragging things out is testament to his lack of character. 

Don’t sabotage anyone else’s life. It comes back to haunt only one person - you. Take the high road and cruise. Say to yourself “Yes, I’ve made mistakes but never again and not today” and promise yourself you’re moving on.

This is but a pebble on a long road. You will make it and get past this. 

[spiderowl]

I'm so sorry to hear this and how you are feeling now.  I can understand that you got very attached to him and spent a lot of time with him.  Of course you are feeling hurt and shocked now.

The fact that he was so jealous and accusatory suggests to me he was thinking that you thought like him, i.e. that you were tempted to get involved with others (as he did ultimately).

But, most of all, this was an online relationship.  While it felt and was very real for a while, online, long-distance relationships rarely work out.  People simply end up dating someone nearby in real life.  Most people cannot hold out for long distance 'true love' for more than a few weeks.  Please don't get emotionally involved with someone online unless you are actually meeting up in person; it is just not worth the sadness when reality kicks in and they choose someone they can actually meet easily.

You will find someone new.  I know it's hard to believe at the moment when you feel so hurt, but you will.  You deserve better than a long-distance relationship.  Once you realise how much of a long shot it was that anything might work out, I think you'll find it easier to come to terms with.

[ShatteredGlassHeart]

I'm new to this and don't know if you can reply to each person separately but thank you very much for reading my story and your kind words and advice.

I know looking back on everything now that he wasn't as innocent as he seemed and I had told myself, it's too good to be true.

I guess a part of me still wants to believe him. I have blocked him though. I have one more place to do so then of course to erase the messages and pictures. But I will do that tomorrow when I take a day to reflect and scream and cry. Then hopefully it won't hurt so bad anymore.

[glows]

1 hour ago, ShatteredGlassHeart said:

I guess a part of me still wants to believe him. I have blocked him though. I have one more place to do so then of course to erase the messages and pictures.

Blocking someone doesn’t necessarily do anything at all if you’re the only one reaching out. You can just as easily unblock and fall into the same cycle as curiosity gets the better of you and you may wonder what he’s up to or whether he’s tried to reach out.

What I find works is muting a contact and letting messages come through. Read it if you want to but no need to respond. 

Put that energy to your future and your healing. Day by day, bit by bit. Whatever attracted you to him prior, review. 

[ShatteredGlassHeart]

Yea that is a problem for sure but I'm going to try and stick it out. He won't reach out to me, he's moved on with his new girl and I have very few social media accounts all private. I don't even think he took the time to get to know and remember my usernames but I'll change those too.

[ShatteredGlassHeart]

I messed up...again. I couldn't stop thinking about how he hurt me and how angry I was so I messaged him, twice. But he could easily ignore me and chooses not to. So I guess I need to be stronger. 

Tonight though was an explosion and instead of feeling sad I feel so angry, betrayed and disgusted. So why can't I get over this?

[glows]

Let it go. Start again. Don’t keep reaching out. If you feel the urge again post on LS.

There’s a thread in the Coping forum to post in instead of contacting your ex. Post to your heart’s content. No one will judge you. You can also try to condition yourself to do other things. Each time you feel the urge to contact him, watch a movie or challenge yourself to a new hobby. 

 

[ShatteredGlassHeart]

Thank you, I will try. I just don't know why I feel like I've had a knife to my heart and he feels fine and moved on.

[glows]

Yes, that’s what break ups can feel like. Yet he deserves to move on as do you.

Don’t dwell on what others have. Focus on your own life. Rebuild and start small. Think big. Move forwards.

Edited December 21, 2021 by glows

[ShatteredGlassHeart]

I will try. Thank you for listening to my gripes lol

[ExpatInItaly]

I am sorry for your pain, OP. 

I think the big lesson here is that you cannot have successful relationships with someone you have never met. It is going to be best for you to unplug for a little while, as it's very clear you've gotten so wrapped up in these internet people that you're losing perspective of what really matters - your well-being. 

Focus on healing, and then improving your social skills with men in real life. Resorting to online strangers is not the way happiness.