Fell in love online. Met in person 1st time recently. Still visiting.

[ThatJay]

Thanks everyone if you take the time to read everything and also thanks twice if you offer feedback/advice.

Hello everyone. I am here cause I can really use different people's opinions and answers to the situation I am currently going through. I honestly do not know the best way to begin this, but here it goes. I am 33 years old and I am a gamer and I use discord. It's a texting/voice chatting app that allows you to connect with people in many different ways. I have a lot to say, so bless you if you read everything.

 

I was a part of a dating server on there that has a wide variety of different people looking for different things. Most of it is troll like stuff, but there is some fun. I talked to many different women there where some just wanted flirtatious fun, cat fish, scam, and other nonsense. Im not trying to brag, but I am handsome and when looking at the male selfie section, there was hardly competition. I had many different women approach me first based off my pics. Ive been with women usually around my age until my last several have been a bigger age gap younger than me. This is all in person relationships by the way. I had more or less pretty crappy results during the 2 weeks on the discord dating server.

 

Until I found an amazing woman where we both had a strong and intense connection. Like I have never bonded or related to someone like this ever. And it started cause she posted a message asking someone to help her win a game or to just chat. I did not play that game nor had an interest too so I responded thinking we would just chat. It was electrifying the chemistry we have. She is 22 years old. And we share the same values and beliefs and ideologies. It is still surreal. I feel so in love after all these months. Oh I forgot. We met in end of September this year (2021) I am currently in my hotel in her state. We are both East coast and she lives 11 hours from me. We were not originally supposed to meet for at least a year, but our chemistry was so strong on calls and facetime that we agreed I will meet up with her sooner. So roughly about 3 months of knowing eachother. 

 

Anyways the opportunity came up for us to meet. She is a student and my job gives us most of end of December off, plus I used my vacation time. Originally I was only supposed to be here for 2 days for us to meet. It turned into 2 weeks. Still got 5 days left out here with her. Ive never trusted or had more faith and security with anyone else in my life. We just naturally do things for eachother that show we are not talking or spending time with anyone else. 

 

My thing for the post is that during before meeting in person the attraction chemistry was bliss.  

 

Anyways our first several days of meeting were electrifyingly full of passionate non stop love. So 9 days together now. She questioned on day 3 or 4 if all I was interested in with her was sex. I said no cause it's not true. It's not just about sex. But it was like a day or 2 after she brought that up that the physical activities decreased  Like it's been 4 days without the same physical passion. 

 

It makes me feel concerned and insecure cause it's like did I do something wrong or does she find something about me a turn off. She assures me there is nothing wrong and she is just not wanting to do it. But is it like a test? Is she waiting for something? Like I became worried more when 2 days ago when we had a passionate moment then she proceeded to lay down next to me and she just said she changed her mind. I know it's ok to change your mind and say no. I know you can say yes and then 1 second later say no. It's confusing of how before the 5th day of being in person she had no chill and it was beyond amazingly passionate. She did mention she just wants to cuddle and be intimate without sex. Like I know i'm good, I know I please her. We spend every day together. Not the entire day. But when awake we are on call or face timing until we see eachother. 

I don't get any vibes or feelings that she finds me disgusting. She constantly tells me she loves me and adores me. She stares into my eyes commenting how much she gets lost in them. I don't know why I feel this way. Is it maybe she wants to see if it's love or lust? In my opinion because us being physically present with each other won't last much longer until next time. I guess for me I want to make full use of our time being physically together. 

 

Can anyone give some insight on this please or am I like being a insecure greedy overthinker?

[basil67]

Her pulling back almost certainly has to do with thinking that you're only after sex.  

Out of curiosity, what does  I want to make full use of our time being physically together" mean?  Are you talking about still wanting sex even though she wants a break?  

 

[glows]

If she’s not in the mood, do something else together or suggest she tend to anything else she needs to do around this busy season. Is her family in the area? Is she not interested in seeing her friends? It seems odd that she’s with you all the time.

You like her but this is fleeting. You’ll travel back to your hometown and the tryst is finished. Have either of you thought beyond this and do you have some mutual understanding that this is a one off or fwb? It’s the last few days you have together so think about it before you bring anything up. 

 

[ThatJay]

12 hours ago, basil67 said:

Her pulling back almost certainly has to do with thinking that you're only after sex.  

Out of curiosity, what does  I want to make full use of our time being physically together" mean?  Are you talking about still wanting sex even though she wants a break?  

 

Thank you. I mean I can't control that she arouses me. So I don't do anything or attempt anything since I know she doesn't want it. But yeah, talking about making full use of being physical together since eventually we will be 11 hours a part again. Prior to meeting in person we did "stuff" on call/video every day. Not lying when I say this either, she ALWAYS initiated it and talked about her arousal/attraction to me all day. 

 

That's why I am concerned cause first half of trip was passionate and beyond expectations and then it just completely stopped besides like cuddling/caressing. The only thing she wants nothing to do with is genitals. Mine nor hers she wants touched. Im just confused why everything else is ok. But idk never been in this before. 

[ThatJay]

12 hours ago, glows said:

If she’s not in the mood, do something else together or suggest she tend to anything else she needs to do around this busy season. Is her family in the area? Is she not interested in seeing her friends? It seems odd that she’s with you all the time.

You like her but this is fleeting. You’ll travel back to your hometown and the tryst is finished. Have either of you thought beyond this and do you have some mutual understanding that this is a one off or fwb? It’s the last few days you have together so think about it before you bring anything up. 

 

Thank you. So she is a student and does spend time with family and friends. But I mean outside of that i'm mostly out here for her to meet and spend time. We known eachother for 3ish months and we agreed to be in a committed relationship. It's not fwb or one off thing or fleeting.

 

We also do do stuff outside of physical stuff. It's just it went from pure passionate non stop physical stuff, to a hard no. Well at least with anything to do with genitals, both mine and hers are off limits. 

[glows]

9 hours ago, ThatJay said:

Thank you. So she is a student and does spend time with family and friends. But I mean outside of that i'm mostly out here for her to meet and spend time. We known eachother for 3ish months and we agreed to be in a committed relationship. It's not fwb or one off thing or fleeting.

 

We also do do stuff outside of physical stuff. It's just it went from pure passionate non stop physical stuff, to a hard no. Well at least with anything to do with genitals, both mine and hers are off limits. 

Reassure her and show her how you feel without sex. Think of love in different forms and languages. Show her how you feel without focus on her body. Enlighten her mind, engage in meaningful conversation. Ask her what’s the most challenging thing about what she’s studying. Go to an art gallery together. Try a food item together that you’ve both never tried before. Seek new experiences together. 

[ThatJay]

On 12/20/2021 at 11:05 PM, glows said:

Reassure her and show her how you feel without sex. Think of love in different forms and languages. Show her how you feel without focus on her body. Enlighten her mind, engage in meaningful conversation. Ask her what’s the most challenging thing about what she’s studying. Go to an art gallery together. Try a food item together that you’ve both never tried before. Seek new experiences together. 

Thank you. I realized I was being selfish with my emotions and feelings and insecurities while not really thinking of hers in this situation. 

[elaine567]

When all a man has to offer is sex, then it can get boring.
She, I guess is over saturated with sex and wants to get to know the real you.
You need to build some sort of an emotional connection with her.
She is 22, her attention span will be short.
She wants varied experiences, not just sex, sex and even more sex. She may not even be getting much out of it either.
Some women can take a long time to really enjoy sex. They love the validation, the closeness, the cuddles but don't actually need the sex.
She needs mentally stimulated and more sex will not do that.

Edited December 22, 2021 by elaine567

[chillii]

Yeah , agree with others she's getting turned of bc she worries all she is to you is a body. She needs to feel everything to you not just a body so yeah , do some living have some fun , talk , be a couple.

Edited December 22, 2021 by chillii