Ex contacted me saying she wanted to take things slow and try and sort it out

[Joshwhite19999]

Hi all,

My gf (20) broke up with me (21) after 4.5 years due to not feeling the spark and not getting excited when she saw me anymore. I started no contact once we broke up.

After trying to breadcrumb me a few times 3 weeks later she messaged saying ,”I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life thinking that I wasn’t happy enough with you”.

So we started talking and she was saying how she made a huge mistake and retreats it and everything so we started talking again but then she is saying she just wants to take it slow.

We have been seeing each other around 3 times a week and have been doing little things together like going out for food. But she still wants to take it slow which is okay as I don’t want to rush anything and ruin it.

It’s just confusing me as she is going out all the time which she never used to do and friends with lads which she has never been before and then she has gone and bought me £650 shoes for my birthday (22nd Dec) which to me certainly isn’t taking it slow as she has never bought me something that expensive in the 4.5 years we were together.

Any opinions and advice would be great as I’ve asked her what she means by taking it slow and she just says not rushing back into anything (she is kissing, cuddling and saying love you every time I see her too though).

What is everyone’s options on the situation and on “taking it slow” and the best way to handle it as I feel like she is giving mixed signals then says we are just friends are taking it slow

[stillafool]

After 4.5 years together who is interested in now "taking it slow"?  Are you ready to go back to the first stage of dating after almost 5 years together?  If she originally broke up with you because she was no longer feeling the spark when she sees you, don't just crawl back to her because now that she's out there with no takers she wants you back.  I think you should at least start dating other girls and see who else is out there actually feeling a spark and more for you.  Don't be quick to take her back.  If you do end up taking her back after dating others she will think twice before letting you go again.  

[Happy Lemming]

I really don't understand this "taking it slow" nonsense...  You were in a relationship for 4.5 years, she knows everything about you, there is no need to "take it slow".  She either jumps back in with both feet or stays out.  Why the need to stick her "big toe in the water" to test it out??  This makes no sense to me.  Take me as I am or dump me and move on with your life. 

It sounds like she is keeping you on the back burner, just in case nothing else comes along.  Perhaps she doesn't want to be alone??

She may be one of these individuals that needs to "monkey branch" from one guy to the next and doesn't like NOT having a boyfriend in her world.

I do think you will be dumped again at some point. And I agree with @stillafool start dating other people. 

Personally, I don't like "wishy-washy" individuals.

[glows]

This reads more that she’s not in love with you, doesn’t feel a spark or real interest in you as a person, but she misses the familiarity of your relationship. She’s afraid and doesn’t know how to be alone. 

Return the shoes to her if you’re feeling uncomfortable. Returning them means it’s over. I think she’s young, maybe a little whimsical and impulsive. Sadly, this has an effect on you. 

Reflect on what you want in a relationship. You’re walking on eggshells and that’s a poor way to live. 

 

[stillafool]

She probably got the shoes on sale with a major discount.  So what?  She's now trying to win you back.  Grass wasn't greener or the other side.  Repeat - do not be quick to take her back or you'll regret it.

[Sgthaytham]

When someone says "Take things slow", they mean at their rhythm... I think there's something you might be doing that's making her feel like she's losing her freedom.