Unconfirmed Affair

[Dannieboy1992]

I recently found a woman’s shirt tucked down into the car door slot of my back door. It’s a smaller size and I just know that’s not mines cause I haven’t had any family/friends in my car like that since COVID. I questioned my husband about the shirt because he’s been using my car on weekends when I’m not doing anything but of course he denies knowing anything about it and claims that I forget things so much that I must’ve forgot I bought it. But the shirt is too small for me and it’s one of those leotard type of shirts which I don’t even wear. I just know I’m not getting the truth and don’t know how or what to say to get him to be honest about it. Am I driving myself crazy or what?

Edited December 23, 2021 by Dannieboy1992

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Dannieboy1992 said:

 he’s been using my car on weekends when I’m not doing anything but of course he denies knowing anything about it 

Sorry this is happening. Why is he using your car and what for?  Do you know where he goes and what he does on weekends?

[elaine567]

9 hours ago, Dannieboy1992 said:

I recently found a woman’s shirt tucked down into the car door slot of my back door. It’s a smaller size and I just know that’s not mines cause I haven’t had any family/friends in my car like that since COVID. I questioned my husband about the shirt because he’s been using my car on weekends when I’m not doing anything but of course he denies knowing anything about it and claims that I forget things so much that I must’ve forgot I bought it. But the shirt is too small for me and it’s one of those leotard type of shirts which I don’t even wear. I just know I’m not getting the truth and don’t know how or what to say to get him to be honest about it. Am I driving myself crazy or what?

I don't really see any other explanation than some other woman or your husband himself put the shirt into the slot in your back car door.
No need to drive yourself crazy, you know exactly what this means whether he denies it or not.

[Dannieboy1992]

9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. Why is he using your car and what for?  Do you know where he goes and what he does on weekends?

He uses my car to [ ] for food deliveries, my car is better on gas than his car so he likes to use mines when I don’t have anything going on. I mean I can see that he’s working cause the account is linked to my bank account but after what I recently found in my car it’s like hes not working the whole time that he’s been out. I’ve asked all the people who I thought it might belong to but it’s no one’s and like I said I haven’t had anyone in my car like that unless it’s family because of COVID 

Edited December 23, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
identifying information

[Dannieboy1992]

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

I don't really see any other explanation than some other woman or your husband himself put the shirt into the slot in your back car door.
No need to drive yourself crazy, you know exactly what this means whether he denies it or not.

Same, It’s just hard to process cause I don’t know how to fully justify filling for divorce over this, I’ve seen him messaging other women before in the past and that was already too much and now this is just partial proof and of course he’s swearing he knows nothing about it and that’s it probably from one of my friends but it just can’t be cause no one’s been in my car lately. 

[elaine567]

6 minutes ago, Dannieboy1992 said:

Same, It’s just hard to process cause I don’t know how to fully justify filling for divorce over this, I’ve seen him messaging other women before in the past and that was already too much and now this is just partial proof and of course he’s swearing he knows nothing about it and that’s it probably from one of my friends but it just can’t be cause no one’s been in my car lately. 

Few women would just jettison a leotard type shirt like you might a sweater or a t shirt as it takes a bit of fiddling to get it off. 

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, Dannieboy1992 said:

Same, It’s just hard to process cause I don’t know how to fully justify filling for divorce over this, I’ve seen him messaging other women before in the past and that was already too much and now this is just partial proof and of course he’s swearing he knows nothing about it and that’s it probably from one of my friends but it just can’t be cause no one’s been in my car lately. 

He's clearly a cheater. Have you considered counseling?   

[stillafool]

Of course your husband knows whose shirt it belongs to.  The car didn't produce it on it's own.  Whoever it was may be trying to get him caught by stuffing it in the seat and leaving without it.  Probably not the first time she's had sex with him in your car.

[Dannieboy1992]

2 hours ago, Myabee said:

He's clearly a cheater. Have you considered counseling?   

Yea we separated a couple years ago and tried sessions for about a year which did help us communicate better but the hurts are still there on both sides. I know I’m not perfect and I’ve had some issues but I’ve never stepped out of our marriage looking for anything that I couldn’t or wasn’t getting from him. 

[glows]

Think about your options. The mystery clothing is just one out of other reasons that your marriage is falling apart. You don't need to be living like this questioning your husband's intentions and moves. If you cannot trust him, the foundation is gone in the relationship. Without trust you are both on borrowed (and dysfunctional) time. 

[Dannieboy1992]

3 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Few women would just jettison a leotard type shirt like you might a sweater or a t shirt as it takes a bit of fiddling to get it off. 

Yea it’s def an easy access type of shirt that’s what makes it my suspicions for me 

[AngryGromit]

16 hours ago, Dannieboy1992 said:

I recently found a woman’s shirt tucked down into the car door slot of my back door.   ...  . I just know I’m not getting the truth and don’t know how or what to say to get him to be honest about it. Am I driving myself crazy or what?

Do you and your husband use Iphones? If so, buy and Airtag and hide it in the car, see where he goes. If he's at a residential address longer than it take s to drop off a food order, then he's making another kind of delivery.  

[Lotsgoingon]

OK, I worry that you won't get anywhere by taking seriously his denials. All cheaters deny--unless you hire a P.I. and show them the photos. And even then, some will try to say, "we kissed, but we did not have sex. I met there to tell them that I didn't want to have an affair."

So if you're expecting a confession, you're barking up the wrong tree. You'd be better off expecting an apology and postcard from a mugger. 

Can you afford to hire a private investigator? I say this with caution because it will be a waste of money if all you do (assuming the PI gets good evidence and photos) is show hubby the guilty photos. YOU are the one who has to make up your mind without hubby's confirmation. Wait for his confirmation and you'll be waiting till high heaven.

I say consult a divorce attorney and consult a therapist (individual not couples) to start sorting out your thinking. Lots of people in your position don't immediatley divorce, so I'm not attempting to shame you.  You also need to tell some friends about your predicament, so you don't isolate yourself and you get good ideas from others. 

Sounds like you really don't want to leave. And that's a respectable choice (despite what some people might say). But you do need a strategy because this affair (assuming it is one) may continue ... and you got to figure out what you want to live with and for how long. And you're not going to find any more shirts because hubby will be super careful from here on out.

 

 

[missgangrene]

If you can’t afford a PI, you could always place a hidden recording device in your car when he has it. But only do this or the PI if you’re prepared to really deal with the truth. 

Edited December 24, 2021 by missgangrene
Clarity

[Confused48]

On 12/23/2021 at 9:21 AM, elaine567 said:

Few women would just jettison a leotard type shirt like you might a sweater or a t shirt as it takes a bit of fiddling to get it off. 

I think he is cheating but..... the part about leaving the shirt bothers me. He must have been cheating with some one that knows he is  married and wants him to get caught. Especially since whoever left it went to some effort to make it hard to find. The other woman either thinks he will flip to her if he is caught or has hard feeling for the guy for stringing her along and just wants him to feel some pain. . 

[JRabbit]

Stop letting him use your car, even if its better on gas its wear and tear on your car.

He is clearly cheating. You could use a VAR if you need 100% proof but I think you already have it?

[Estes]

You don't need a PI. All you need is a VAR (Sound activated digital recorder).

Throw it under the seat and leave it there for a few days.