IreMan Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 Hi everyone, I’ll try keep this brief. I've been married for just over 5 years, we have a 4 yr old boy and a 5 mth old boy. We own our own home, i run two companies which results in me being away from home most week days. Over the last 5 years I’ve left employment and started two fairly successful businesses. I’ve always been hugely driven and I think this was part of the attraction on my wife’s part. Currently I pay every bill from the mortgage to the car insurance, I also give my wife £400 per week for household items. I’ve recently upgraded her car when baby number two came along and I’m always putting plans in place to better our future, be it small investments, pensions or our next family home. I have few enemies, treat the majority of people in my life with respect and have retained a team of people in my businesses who I respect and respect me. Can anyone tell me why my wife speaks to me like I’m a piece of dirt? Why she cuts me with one word answers when I try to create conversation? Why she won’t look at me when she talks to me or why she at times tries to drive a wedge between me and my 4 year old son? To top it off when I decide to mirror her behavior she tells me I need therapy and calls me all the names under the sun. Truly at the end of the road in my head, I’m trying to do what a man should do by providing and planning for my family but it just seems all for nothing if I’m not getting anything in return. Any advice would be hugely helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnjohnson2017 Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 I think she is frustrated. You are providing her financial stability but you might be lacking affection. She might be feeling like you are neglecting her. You are away for a long time from home and she feels lonely and resentfull that you are able to get away from the house while she is stuck at home. She may also feel overwhelmed with the kids. She is taking her frustrations out on you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 Why don’t you ask her what’s bothering her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 5 hours ago, IreMan said: me being away from home most week days. Can anyone tell me why my wife speaks to me like I’m a piece of dirt? Why she cuts me with one word answers Sorry this is happening. She seems resentful at having an uninvolved absentee husband and father. While you feel you're being a good provider, husband and father, she may feel like you're away too much and she's overwhelmed, exhausted and lonely. While snippy attitudes are not good, unfortunately that's how she seems to express resentment and growing contempt. Has she explained exactly what's bothering her? What types of things does she complain about or argue about? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 Whilst you are driven and successful and meeting new people and encountering interesting challenges in new places, she is at home with a 4 year old and a 5 month old for company, She is wiping mouths and bottoms, speaking infantile gibberish and running after them. The highlight of her day will be the laundry, tidying up or dusting and vacuuming...Her child is only 5 months old she will be exhausted... You get to then control her by handing her £400 a week... she is not your partner, she is an employee. You expect her to be happy and accommodating when you show up, but she resents you big time. She is essentially your skivvy and an unhappy one at that... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 23, 2021 Share Posted December 23, 2021 (edited) Consider broaching the issue directly with her. Ask her why she's unhappy. (Some probable reasons have been given above, but you should get it from her.) Then ask what you two, together, can do about it. Perhaps the £400 would be better spent on a maid service or daytime nanny? She is also likely dissatisfied with her life in various ways. Ask if there are ways you can improve things, e.g. weekend trips or similar. Perhaps not right now, but once the kids are toddlers? Also show some spine - note her specific words/what she says, discuss directly how you feel disrespected and insulted by her and that you won't be used for her to emotionally vent on. If she's unable to stop and/or find a less destructive way to vent her frustrations, you could consider insisting that she attend marriage counseling with you. This can be framed as a positive - it's to help ensure that you're both happy and to help work out the current "kinks" in your marriage so things can run smoothly again. I wouldn't go throwing around threats of divorce unless you're actually 100% serious about it, but you could consider implying that if the counseling isn't successful that could be a next step (it sounds like you are almost there anyway, unfortunately). As a husband and father it's reasonable to ask for a certain basic amount of respect, along with love. I'm going to guess the bedroom isn't going particularly well along with everything else. Consider whether that's something to address if the marriage counseling seems to go well. IMO reasonably regular sex is important to keep a couple emotionally bonded, and busy lives and young kids particularly can throw a real wrench in that. Kids can be very challenging and you're far from the first person to discover this. Also "happy wife, happy life". Edited December 23, 2021 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
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