The Three Tiers of Dating and Sexual Market Value

[GuitarGuy7]

Looking back at my parents, my dad was in the normie tier. He was 5 ft 10, white, facially average looking. But that didn't stop him from dating my mom who was above average looking with an above average personality, who even in her forties, still looked good. 

The reason for this was because my dad had several things going for him. Even though he was average looking with an average body, he didn't have any major physical or mental flaws that would make dating immediately harder. He wasn't short, he wasn't very overweight, he wasn't a racial minority, and he didn't have any major mental disabilities that might have harmed his chances, etc...  Secondly, my dad is very smart (above average but not genius level intelligence), was college educated and had lots of potential to land a good job, and was very conscientious.  My mom, who had been divorced and had a kid from a previous marriage, was probably past the looking for a good looking "alpha male" stage and was probably looking for a guy who seemed to have the personality and resources to get married and start a family.  

Dad has always been the primary breadwinner while mom over the years has gone from being a stay at home mom, to starting a series of businesses, to even having some jobs that were semi low-paying but filled her passions. So obviously, dad was the primary money maker in the house. 


So I can see why my dad always gives me the dating advice to make a lot of money. Because deep down, my dad knows that this was his primary appeal to women. He was never an "alpha male" who slept with a lot of women, although he did date some girls in his twenties, so he was much more successful than I was, but his appeal to women came from his above average intelligence, his above average work ethic, and his potential to earn a lot of money. 

Edited December 29, 2021 by GuitarGuy7

[GuitarGuy7]

Like I said, I think my best bet to escaping inceldom is to continue to take my job and education seriously and to make decent money, to potentially attract a woman in her thirties who's looking to settle down and may be willing to relax her standards a little bit (looks wise) in order to date more of a good guy/provider type.  I'm never going to be a womanizer or a don juan, and probably won't engage in hookup or one night stand culture (unless I get really lucky). 

I'm never going to be a chad or an "alpha male"; I am outclassed in just about every physical and social category. The only thing I have going for me (physically) is that my metabolism is relatively high and I do like to exercise, so I have less of a chance of becoming overweight. Plus, I probably won't go bald, that's good too.






 

Edited December 29, 2021 by GuitarGuy7

[Snow_Queen]

Maybe a positive story will help boost motivation. I’m barely 5’2 and never liked guys who were much taller than me. I never had much trouble finding dates but finding a good match was really hard. It seemed impossible at times and I often gave up.

When I first my husband, I was chatting with several other men at the same time. They were tall, had high paying jobs, did exciting things, and would be considered very handsome by most women. The conversations were pleasant but the spark and attraction wasn’t there. I quickly found I was always on edge waiting to get a message from my now husband. There was something about him that drew me in. His personality blew me away from the first conversation. Not only was he intriguing, he turned out to be the sweetest, most thoughtful, loving person I’ve even known.

My husband is only slightly taller than me, he didn’t make as much as the other guys, he’s a little heavyset, but he’s the most attractive man in my eyes. From the beginning, all he ever did was be himself and shared his interests freely. That came across as confidence. At the same time, he never cared what anyone thought of him…still doesn’t. That’s what set him apart from everyone else. He never had to try because he was just himself the whole time. He was comfy being him and it showed. I chose him over the other 3-4 men I was seeing. By the way, I always made twice the salary he does. Success is all about your own perspective of yourself.

[basil67]

@GuitarGuy7  I hear you.   I suspect that the NT's giving autistic dating advice really have no concept of the diversity of presentation of ASD, let alone walked in your shoes and have any appreciation for the challenges you may face. 

We also have no clue as to how you present.  Back in the days before forums, I used to lurk on an autism message board.  I recall one poster who was so eloquent, but in real life and was non verbal, couldn't prepare food and had no idea of social norms.  I'm not suggesting that you and she have the same challenges, but I think your eloquence leaves people thinking that your challenges aren't as significant as they are in real life.  

Please don't take this as a suggestion that you should give up.  I just wanted to say that I hear you. 

[GuitarGuy7]

It's hard to know how I present myself to the opposite gender because you have to remember, you're (typically) only viewing yourself from a first person point of view, which means you may be blind to how others perceive you because your only POV is from a first person perspective. 

If I could view myself from a third person perspective and watch how I interact with women, then it might be easier to see what i'm doing wrong. Or maybe i'm not doing anything wrong, i'm just simply too unattractive. Who knows?  The point is that I have no idea.  It's not like women are telling me what i'm doing wrong.  Women are a lot like computer programming. When they have a problem, they don't tell you what the problem is, they only tell you there's a problem and hopefully you're smart enough to figure it out. 

[6ix]

Due to excessive bickering and arguing, from here out only posts responding to the OP will be approved. All others will be deleted and members will be temporarily banned. 

[dramafreezone]

1 hour ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

Women are a lot like computer programming. When they have a problem, they don't tell you what the problem is, they only tell you there's a problem and hopefully you're smart enough to figure it out. 

There is some truth to this.  When women reject you they will *rarely* be upfront with you regarding the real reason.  They don't want to hurt your feelings, or have you freak out on them in public.

That's why you need to listen to guys that have been where you are and have improved their outcomes.  Don't go to websites full of guys that are stuck just like you, they are of no help to get you where you want to go.

 

[GuitarGuy7]

1 hour ago, dramafreezone said:

There is some truth to this.  When women reject you they will *rarely* be upfront with you regarding the real reason.  They don't want to hurt your feelings, or have you freak out on them in public.

 

And I don't want to know to be honest. 

I mean yeah, a big part of it is probably my height and general disposition. Let's face it, most women (or at least most american women) don't like the idea of dating a 5 ft 2 man. Especially if that man also happens to be nerdy, awkward, autistic, like I am. Now if I were 5 ft 2, but my looks, charisma, and social skills were all A+, then some women might give me a shot but even then, I would be at a disadvantage in the dating game. 

I actually knew a guy who was Vietnamese and also 5 ft 2 who was successful with women, so much that it got him in trouble. The reason why he was successful with women despite his height and race, was for a number of factors. He was very extroverted and naturally a funny and witty guy. He also had this cute e-boy look that might appeal to some girls, and his style was always on point. As a result, he had very little problems with girls; in fact, it got him into trouble at one point, but I won't go into details or anything. 

Edited December 30, 2021 by GuitarGuy7

[dramafreezone]

14 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

And I don't want to know to be honest. 

I mean yeah, a big part of it is probably my height and general disposition. Let's face it, most women (or at least most american women) don't like the idea of dating a 5 ft 2 man. Especially if that man also happens to be nerdy, awkward, autistic, like I am. Now if I were 5 ft 2, but my looks, charisma, and social skills were all A+, then some women might give me a shot but even then, I would be at a disadvantage in the dating game. 

But why do you continue to focus on things you can't change?  It does you no good.

I'm a short guy too but I've also had a few really pretty GFs.  I'm introverted, I don't think I look that good, and my social skills are not great.  That said I've always liked a lot of those qualities about myself, I've never cared to be a social person, I've never thought I should rely on my looks because looks fade eventually.  My height it something I've come to just accept because I don't know any guy that sees being shorter as an advantage.  It's not in any way.

But what I've done is excelled at my profession.  I'm literally the best (performance-wise) at my job.  What happens when you're recognized as the best at something, people talk, your name gets around, and that not only helps garner attraction from others, it helps with your confidence that you are worthy.  That's why I keep saying that you need to invest in your purpose 100%, that's going to be your road to what you want.  But if you keep focusing on things you won't be able to have then you'll continue to remain stuck.

Edited December 30, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Sunnydays1111]

I think its true OP.

Edited December 30, 2021 by Sunnydays1111