Have I ruined our friendship?

[Sjhendson]

Over this year I’ve become really good friends with a woman at work (I’m male). She is a couple of years older (we’re early 30s), she is divorced with a young child and I am in a LTR with my girlfriend who I live with. Me and this woman have grown quite close - we have lots of mutual hobbies and interests and when we’re together we just “click”. Our senses of humour are the same and we spend our days sharing jokes and chat. We text daily - long back and forth conversations. She is very attractive - looks and body. She works out a lot (one of our common interests) and I’ve always told her I’d love to see her body given the exercise she does. She just laughs it off. I admit I love flirting with her - and she does flirt back but I have been shut down a couple of times / she’ll ignore certain questions. She has even met my gf so knows she exists. The other week things got a bit “hotter” after she told me she was drunk and the next day woke up with her clothes on the stairs and no pjs on. I jokingly thanked her for her drunk photos and said she had lovely lingerie (this was all in jest). She laughed and said no she wouldn’t do that. I asked her what would it take to see her body / sexy undies and she replied if we are ever both available she’s consider it. I replied that I wasn’t availabile and wasn’t going to be, what a shame etc. No response from her. I text the day about something completely different thanking her for something she’d offered earlier in the week. Again, no reply (but I didn’t ask a question). So the next day I text again asking about a work call and made a few jokes, called her beloved etc to try and test the waters. I got a one line “too busy” curt reply, I replied saying oh no that’s a shame hope things quiet down for you soon. That was five days ago and she’s left me on unread. Is this friendship over? I was clear I had a gf? Should I leave things as they are or try and smooth them over?

[Sjhendson]

Can I just add that a couple of colleagues mentioned our “obvious chemistry” and “romance on the cards” recently. We both laughed it off. We occasionally meet for a walk during work as we live close by and nothing has ever happened. I’ve suggested coffee / lunch / invite to my house but she hasn’t said yes yet, other than in group things. I do think we like each other but she’s conscious of my gf.

[Wiseman2]

The only two issues are you're providing quite a bit of evidence for a sexual harassment case and quite a bit of evidence for your GF to kick you out.

[elaine567]

You were playing with fire and she has now decided to shut up shop.
She is the single one and probably thought you had a future together at some point.
She probably assumed your gf was dispensable.
When you made it clear you were just fooling around with her, she is no longer interested, she is protecting her heart.  
Leave her alone.

What on earth were you thinking?
This is not the respectable actions of a man with a live in gf.
You took it too far, this was an emotional affair.
Time to reassess your relationship with your gf.

[glows]

Leave it alone. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is not a great idea. The first time she didn’t respond back to you is the clue you might have had she’s not interested. 

Second, the drunk photos were in a moment of weakness and third, she said it wouldn’t go further unless you were both single. Do you have a habit of interpreting Yes when people say No? 

Please don’t be both aggressive and wheedling continuing to pursue her. This is a no-go straight from her. 

[deepthinking]

I have said the "come back if you are ever single" line and I meant it. And he did! However, I was once a side-piece and learned that it does not work well for me {an understatement}.

She is no fool, that colleague of yours.  She has set out her conditions clearly.

Edited December 25, 2021 by deepthinking

[Sjhendson]

So we can’t be friends again, can we? Now that we’ve crossed a line? FYI she didn’t send me any drunk photos, I made a joke that she did auto gauge her reaction, she never sent any

[glows]

19 minutes ago, Sjhendson said:

So we can’t be friends again, can we? Now that we’ve crossed a line? FYI she didn’t send me any drunk photos, I made a joke that she did auto gauge her reaction, she never sent any

If she’s not responding to you or curt/rude, it’s a message your attentions are unwanted. 

[Sjhendson]

I just want to try and salvage our friendship. I was clear I had a gf and was keeping it that way. Nothing ever happened for her to have reason to be hurt!

[mark clemson]

People don't always need a rational reason to be hurt (if she is hurt). At any rate, I suspect the best way to salvage your friendship (IF it's salvageable) is to let her be for a while.

I think if you are honest with yourself this is more than a friendship, as one generally doesn't beg/cajole a friend to sext them.

Consider the emotional allure that a "hard-to-get" woman can sometimes have - I think you're caught up in chasing that "just out of reach" person and it's making you take risks you might not ordinarily take.

When a friend wants to end the friendship, or when a former lover refuses contact, the most respectful and appropriate thing one can do is respect their wishes. I think this person was somewhere in between these two "labels" (friend and romantic interest). Nonetheless, respecting her wishes (once she makes them clear) is STILL the most appropriate thing to do.

Edited December 26, 2021 by mark clemson