ask ladies. Can you be self acceptance (body) and self conscious at the same time?

[2015stayathomeWife]

Forgive my English, both me and my husband we not Americans/westerners.

Can you be self acceptance of your body, but then be self conscious at the same time? How to loosen up the self conscious part?

Throughout the 7 years of our marriage, my husband always initiate the two of us shower together, as much as we can whenever we can (for the emotional connection). We both are not fans of shower sex as we don't like the water pouring down on us. So it has nothing related to sex. My husband said he deeply emotionally attached to me, he said he wants to feel close to me emotionally. And I'm trying to give him that connection he wants.

There nothing pretty about my body naked, sagging boobs, stretch marks all over my belly, nothing pretty about my vagina neither. There times where months when my legs, feet and calves were HUGELY swollen. My husband kneel down and gently rubs my swollen feet in the shower. He helps cleans me, he kissed my belly where it full of stretch marks and somewhat loose wrinkle skin. (and I'm conscious about it).

He wants me to talk to him in the shower, open up to him, tell him what bothering me. There times when we talked, and we both teared up and cried.

My hair has thin so much, it started massively falling out shortly after I recovered from being sick. He washed my hair so he knows how much hair falling out on his hands. But he still kissed my forehead and the top of my head (which I'm very conscious about my hair).

I'm low maintenance, my daily is denim jeans, white tees, long layered hair down, I never wear make up. I'm comfortable that way. And I don't hide my hair thinning neither. But with clothes off, I'm self conscious of my body. But I remind myself that if my husband don't mind, why do I have to mind.

But my brain is self conscious. It keeps tell me, my husband is 186cm tall and slim, lean muscles, zero fat on his body, just very fit. He does runs long distance and swim long distance, so he very fit. He still look exactly fit like when I met him 11 years ago. But then look at me? I'm nothing like him.

I really have self acceptance of my body, it just my brain it self conscious about it. Any ladies here experience similar?

[Wiseman2]

Stop showering together if it makes you this uncomfortable.

[glows]

To answer your question in the thread title, yes. Absolutely. Just because I see room for improvement or feel self-conscious doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate or love my body.

My thoughts on this are to remain productive and less destructive with those thoughts. It’s a human trait to identify things we don’t like and want to do better. We also compare ourselves to others as social creatures, mimicking or learning how to interact with our world. Sometimes we revolt. Maybe our hair or hands are not the same and there are moments of frustration. It doesn’t mean we dislike who we are but it does mean we recognize change. When we recognize physical changes I think we also need to change mentally and adjust to those changes, expecting different things out of ourselves. Compare less. Be more realistic. 

Great question! 

[elaine567]

I guess all these changes to your body are due to bearing his children.
He sounds like he may love you more for it...

[2015stayathomeWife]

I already had sagging boobs, ugly body and stretch marks when we married (I was never a nice body girl to began with), so that nothing new. Those physical traits didn't matter to him, as he say he "deeply emotionally attach to me". The only thing change after I gave birth to my son (I only have 1 child), is that bottom of my belly skin began to sag more and somewhat wrinkly.

Anyhoo, we together 11 years. It not a short time, I thought his affections would tamper down. But nope, he said it just up to the 'individual' man and how much 'effort' the man put in, not the length of marriage.

We married 7 years, and he still says things like: He loves me very much. He had sworn to himself, that for me, he willing to do anything. He devoted his entire life to me. He still thinking about me constantly. He still crazy about me. Lol. I just giggles every time.

And
He been doing this for 7 years. He literally kiss my butt cheek. and it has nothing to do with sex at all. Just randomly thing he does.

Whether it sleep or play on my tablet/phone, whenever he see me lay in bed on my stomach, he went up and put his lips on my butt cheek and kissed it.

When it cold, sometimes I have part of the blanket over cover my butt. If he came in and see me lay on my stomach, he gently move the blanket off and kiss my butt cheek, and put the blanket back on for me. (you see it like he go out of his way to do it, lol).

He never do anything disrespectful to my butt. He never like those bite slap gropes spank stuff (he very vanilla), he said he prefers use his lips. So he just simply put his lips on my butt cheek and kiss it, a gentle slow kiss type.

And he still do it after all these years. Randomly.

The thing is when we married (he was 29 and I was 30) it okay.
But it 7 years later after tied the knot already, we 36 and 37 now. I feel like we not young anymore for him to keep does those. It kindda embarassing too that we older now and he still does it. But he said if I allow him, he do it till he 80, lol.

 

 

[Alpacalia]

6 hours ago, 2015stayathomeWife said:

He never do anything disrespectful to my butt. He never like those bite slap gropes spank stuff (he very vanilla), he said he prefers use his lips. So he just simply put his lips on my butt cheek and kiss it, a gentle slow kiss type.

Well then... who wouldn't enjoy the sensation of their man's lips softly kissing their highly arousing posterior?

It's a sign of his affection for you.

Maybe he'll even rub it a little later too. (winky)

[2015stayathomeWife]

On 12/29/2021 at 4:19 AM, Alpaca said:

It's a sign of his affection for you.

Thank you Alpaca. You a woman right? I want to ask you something, it is normal that a man (husband) after 7 years married (11 years together) and he still affectionate towards you? 

Hard to explain it, but it like his eyes, the way he looks at me, it just intense, the same exact eyes and ways he looked at me 11 years ago. 

I could just be talking, and he just stare and stare at me, then he gently touches my face with his hand.

Or randomly, he just stare and stare at me, then he hugged and hugged me really tight, and he say he loves me very much.

Something little as if he touches my hands and feel it cold.  He immediately open his mouth breathed into my hands, he keeps do that and rubs it till it gets warm. My feet too, he could rubs my feet for half an hour if that what was needed to get my feet warm.

He still carried me on his back all these years together. Like if we went somewhere and the parking lot was far, he carry me on his back across the parking lot to whatever the place. He said if I allow him, he wants to carry me on his back like this till be become an old man, till he on his deathbed that he no longer can carry me anymore. lol

I could be telling him that I want to talk. And we were in the kitchen, he would sit me down on the kitchen chair, and he kneel down on the floor while look at me and said he listening. Seeing him like this, I don't even know what to do or say.

You see it the little things.

It just we been together so long, 11 years and we haven't part a day, is no short time. And we older now, I thought it would tamper down to fit our age kiwm?

Edited December 31, 2021 by 2015stayathomeWife

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, 2015stayathomeWife said:

Thank you Alpaca. You a woman right? I want to ask you something, it is normal that a man (husband) after 7 years married (11 years together) and he still affectionate towards you? 

Hard to explain it, but it like his eyes, the way he looks at me, it just intense, the same exact eyes and ways he looked at me 11 years ago. 

I could just be talking, and he just stare and stare at me, then he gently touches my face with his hand.

Or randomly, he just stare and stare at me, then he hugged and hugged me really tight, and he say he loves me very much.

Something little as if he touches my hands and feel it cold.  He immediately open his mouth breathed into my hands, he keeps do that and rubs it till it gets warm. My feet too, he could rubs my feet for half an hour if that what was needed to get my feet warm.

He still carried me on his back all these years together. Like if we went somewhere and the parking lot was far, he carry me on his back across the parking lot to whatever the place. He said if I allow him, he wants to carry me on his back like this till be become an old man, till he on his deathbed that he no longer can carry me anymore. lol

I could be telling him that I want to talk. And we were in the kitchen, he would sit me down on the kitchen chair, and he kneel down on the floor while look at me and said he listening. Seeing him like this, I don't even know what to do or say.

You see it the little things.

It just we been together so long, 11 years and we haven't part a day, is no short time. And we older now, I thought it would tamper down to fit our age kiwm?

You're welcome.

Yes, I am a woman. A lady if you will...

Sounds like you have a very affectionate and loving husband that cares for you deeply. ➳ღღღ

Oh I know all about the little things. Those are the best (not married myself but I am familiar with it). 

There are certain minute details that I can still recall so vividly that are still super important to me.

I'm not sure what "kiwm" means?

Yes while we all age and gravity sets in, if you can make it a habit to treat your body with affection, it will become natural and instinctive over time. For instance, I like to check out my derriere when I'm walking past a window; I know it's no longer as perky as when I was a teen, but I say to myself "oh yes, you still look pretty darn fine to me."

Knowing your body better makes loving it so much easier. Just like your husband does!

Edited December 31, 2021 by Alpaca

[2015stayathomeWife]

Thank you Ms. Alpaca.

kwim, stands for know what I mean.

So what would you do if you were me, or if you have a husband like my husband, do you just like roll with it? You don't find what he does corny? I guess I just love differently than him you know. I don't love intense like that, and I don't show it bluntly like that neither. I do love my husband, I really do, I just don't express it the way like he does.

I want to ask you Ms. Alpaca, do you ever think of yourself being married and have children one day?

Personally, children was never a thing for me. Then 2.5 years into marriage, I had a missed pill, and my husband took that opportunity immediately and purposely impregnant me, and I got pregnant that month (thanks to my husband), now we have a 4 year olds toddler. I love my son, which mother doesn't? But it just I still feel that I got put in a forever mom role out of my willing. But I do try my best to be a good mom though. All mother love their children, I'm no different.

Do you see yourself of have children (child) one day?

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, 2015stayathomeWife said:

Thank you Ms. Alpaca.

kwim, stands for know what I mean.

So what would you do if you were me, or if you have a husband like my husband, do you just like roll with it? You don't find what he does corny? I guess I just love differently than him you know. I don't love intense like that, and I don't show it bluntly like that neither. I do love my husband, I really do, I just don't express it the way like he does.

I want to ask you Ms. Alpaca, do you ever think of yourself being married and have children one day?

Personally, children was never a thing for me. Then 2.5 years into marriage, I had a missed pill, and my husband took that opportunity immediately and purposely impregnant me, and I got pregnant that month (thanks to my husband), now we have a 4 year olds toddler. I love my son, which mother doesn't? But it just I still feel that I got put in a forever mom role out of my willing. But I do try my best to be a good mom though. All mother love their children, I'm no different.

Do you see yourself of have children (child) one day?

You seem to simply have different ways of expressing yourself.

Personally, I am not sure if I want children or a marriage.

Although I'm not sure what that has to do with your thread title, could it be that you are unhappy in your marriage?

[2015stayathomeWife]

26 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

You seem to simply have different ways of expressing yourself.

Personally, I am not sure if I want children or a marriage.

Although I'm not sure what that has to do with your thread title, could it be that you are unhappy in your marriage?

It just I saw that we both are women, so I ask if you ever want kids or think of have kids, that all.

I'm happy in my marriage, what is there not to be happy, my husband is faithful and dotes on me alot. I love him just as much, I just show it differently. I didn't have a good childhood, so it hard for me to express my feelings (especially love feelings). He on the other hand, have a great childhood.

When we married, I thought it just the life of the 2 of us, I know he always wanted us to have a baby together, but I wasn't ready, and I thought he said he would wait for me till I'm ready. But instead he took advantage of my missed pill that month and purposely got me pregnant. So yeah. But our son is 4 now, It time for me to get over it and concentrate on raise our son with my husband.

How come you not sure about marriage and children? At least the marriage part you should want. The children part I can undestand.

 

 

[2015stayathomeWife]

On 12/25/2021 at 8:06 AM, glows said:

To answer your question in the thread title, yes. Absolutely. Just because I see room for improvement or feel self-conscious doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate or love my body.

Thank you for answer my question. Because that how I feel, self-conscious but then acceptant of my body at the same time, it weird like that.