Society's idea of 'personality' is deceptive and the right person may not like it

[Taramere]

On 12/25/2021 at 10:29 PM, DrasticMeasurements said:

I don't find these things attractive, and I tend to distance myself from friends/acquaintances who are like that. I'm personally an ISTJ and don't see logic in having a sense of humor. Yes, I can laugh at other jokes, but I'm far more analytic and can use logic to calm situations.

When I was in my twenties, I dated a fair bit - and occasionally I'd encounter the kind of guy who you're presenting as.  Somebody who was all about logic and rationality, and who didn't really do fun banter.  When a woman is assessing a man to decide whether he's somebody she wants to see more of, it isn't necessarily a very calculated, conscious process.  A lot of it is very instinctive.  Being a woman is often a messy business...which is difficult to deal with in a society that has historically presented these unrealistic "sugar and spice" notions of femininity that we can end up feeling like an endless disappointment for having messy, imperfect bodies that don't live up to the fairytale depictions of femininity. 

Wiseman mentioned these red pill type sites.  I've seen them, and yeah...they tend to be extremely misogynistic in ways that the guys relying on them don't always seem capable of comprehending.  The whole business of grading women from one to ten, using criteria based on pornographic images of women who have often undergone drastic surgical alterations.  The tendency to constantly characterise women as "batsh*t crazy" whenever their attempts to use logic, rationality or some stupid redpill theory on women fails to produce the desired results.

I think women want men who continue to see us as lovable fellow human beings...even if we don't live up to fairytale or pornographic ideals.  Even during our messiest realities.  Not because those men are "kind" or because they can manage any squeamishness they feel about us (periods, pregnancy, menopause, the impact of time on our bodies) by retreating into detached professor mode.

Logic and rationality are great things, but if you're overly reliant on them when it comes to coping with every difficulty life throws at you,  as a man you will probably find it harder to connect with/win the trust and confidence of women.  You have to be a human being.  I'm afraid that some of the things you say you find unattractive are very much part and parcel of being a human being and coping with the harder realities life may throw at you and/or whoever you partner up with.

Edited January 9, 2022 by Taramere

[chillii]

3 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

As you get older and gain more life experience, you start to notice the things younger people do which you yourself needed time to figure out yourself.  I thought I knew "chicks" when I was 19, but at double the age, I now know that I really had no idea.

 

My first love l was 15 !/2 haha , and yep of course l knew absolutely nothing. Didn't have to though there was no mistaking of our sparks on sight day one, nothing like that with any of the other girls l knew. Even the adults and parents noticed it. But yeah, men and women are still figuring ea other out on the rest of it forever l think.

[Wiseman2]

The best thing you can do is be yourself and make the best of yourself. 

That means making the best of the hand that you are dealt. Not being what pickup artist sites tell you to be.

[SumGuy]

On 1/8/2022 at 11:20 PM, DrasticMeasurements said:

... Aiming for an attractive date when you're average looking is like trying to fight a Japanese Zero with an older biplane. ...

To an extent, but not as much as the internet tends to think.  That is the bar for how physically attractive you need to be to date someone you consider very attractive can be much lower than you think combined with what they find physically attractive.   

The really attractive ones get hit on all the time, and the real one (not gold diggers or working through mommy issues etc.) are rooting for you to be the one who is not blinded by their looks but who want to know them (to be able to do that is a form of confidence or centeredness).   That is part of the "curse" the very attractive suffer, people very quickly only see them for their looks, and as some stereo type.

Of course there are those who focus on looks to a huge degree, but the funny thing is find that has little correlation to how attractive that person is.  here are plenty of physically "ugly" people who are all about the looks of those they will date.

As to your earlier post about intelligence...in general it is attractive to women across the board...and it is not so much demonstrated by anyone thing but in the nature of your conversation and ability to converse...and not in just some spitting out facts way...more of in insights.   

[Envy123]

On 1/11/2022 at 4:18 PM, SumGuy said:

 The really attractive ones get hit on all the time, and the real one (not gold diggers or working through mommy issues etc.) are rooting for you to be the one who is not blinded by their looks but who want to know them (to be able to do that is a form of confidence or centeredness).   That is part of the "curse" the very attractive suffer, people very quickly only see them for their looks, and as some stereo type.

Of course there are those who focus on looks to a huge degree, but the funny thing is find that has little correlation to how attractive that person is.  here are plenty of physically "ugly" people who are all about the looks of those they will date.

Thank you - this explains so much.

I have dated more attractive girls, than average girls. I actually find it very difficult to get into a relationship with average girls, because I feel like their standards for a partner are much too high for me to meet. I must have a six pack, no glasses and so on.

SMV and Shallow Hal are not synonymous with my life experiences.

[DrasticMeasurements]

On 1/19/2022 at 4:01 AM, Envy123 said:

Thank you - this explains so much.

I have dated more attractive girls, than average girls. I actually find it very difficult to get into a relationship with average girls, because I feel like their standards for a partner are much too high for me to meet. I must have a six pack, no glasses and so on.

SMV and Shallow Hal are not synonymous with my life experiences.

As much as I find getting a six pack difficult, it's far more difficult to be charismatic in front of people. Is that how you were able to date more attractive girls?

[Envy123]

58 minutes ago, DrasticMeasurements said:

As much as I find getting a six pack difficult, it's far more difficult to be charismatic in front of people. Is that how you were able to date more attractive girls?

Yes - I am more myself with them, so more of my personality shines through.

With average girls, I’m either arrogant about my chances, too excited or too scared.