Asunder

[misspoet92]

My husband and and have been married for almost 6 years now. We dated about 7 months before we got married and of course things were fine in the beginning. We had a separation a couple years ago but we decided to do counseling and work things out. The past few months we’ve had some big discussions/problems that we communicate well but seems like it’s hard to follow through what we talk about. I’ve been suggesting we go back to counseling for sometime now but because our original counselor isn’t available he doesn’t want to go. So all our issues we’ve just been talking though on our own and it seems like we are fully getting to the resolution and at times we may let them pile up that it’s just cause so much pain cause we get tired of talking and arguing so much. I’ve recently discovered that I haven’t been giving my all into this marriage because I have lack my full self awareness and confidence and honesty I can say that I care for him but I don’t know that I’ve ever given him the love I should have been. Now I regret how our marriage started so quickly and early on in the relationship and wish I could’ve given myself more time to learn and figure out who I am and focus on my self before we committed to each other in this marriage. I don’t think it’s fair of me to ask him to wait for me to find myself while we are in a marriage where I’m not giving him what he needs but I also don’t want to lose a man who could be the one for me.