Divorced and being manipulated

[StormCloud]

Just now, stillafool said:

That is just not so.  I know a guy with 6 kids and an ex and women are crawling over themselves to get to him.  He's 37.  Not many men are looking for a Barbie with 3 kids by another man to take care of either.  They may want her for a night or two but aren't lined up to marry her because kids typically go along with their mom.

This clown she’s with now sure wants to take on three-kid Barbie. The guy you’re referring to that’s 37… what is it women love about him? He loaded? Own a big business? Are the women all in their 40s and feel like finding a younger, successful man is their last shot of happiness?

Ive made a bet that my ex will marry this guy. She makes big money now so she doesn’t care to take care of the bills and then use my child support as her cushion. She’s the money maker in the relationship and she’s fine with that for some reason. 

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, StormCloud said:

This clown she’s with now sure wants to take on three-kid Barbie. The guy you’re referring to that’s 37… what is it women love about him? He loaded? Own a big business? Are the women all in their 40s and feel like finding a younger, successful man is their last shot of happiness?

Ive made a bet that my ex will marry this guy. She makes big money now so she doesn’t care to take care of the bills and then use my child support as her cushion. She’s the money maker in the relationship and she’s fine with that for some reason. 

He's sexy and good looking.  He has a 19 -40 year olds chasing him, no money to give.

You see your wife doesn't have it as easy as you think.  She will marry a  37 year old who won't provide for her and her kids but instead she will work hard to take care of him.  What a prize for middle age Barbie.  This guy won't even give up his apartment because he probably thinks he can do better than your wife.

[StormCloud]

Just now, stillafool said:

He's sexy and good looking.  He has a 19 -40 year olds chasing him, no money to give.

You see your wife doesn't have it as easy as you think.  She will marry a  37 year old who won't provide for her and her kids but instead she will work hard to take care of him.  What a prize for middle age Barbie.  This guy won't even give up his apartment because he probably thinks he can do better than your wife.

Her boyfriend is 31. She’s 30. I’m 32. When her and I got married, I was in the military. She begged me to marry her. She chased after me all through high school and even followed me to college. The first few years of marriage she was crazy into me but when I put on weight (as most truck drivers do) she began to look elsewhere. This new guy is a lot taller than me. I’d say 6’3” and very slim. I’m around 5’8” so I know that’s one thing she likes about him. He has similar features to me - dark skin, green eyes, dark hair. 

He doesn’t have any girls giving him attention on social media and his ex wife who he just divorced last year is very unattractive. I don’t know if he left his apartment or not. I’m just going by what she says. I just know when he’s not working he’s at her house and that’s even when she is at work. 

 

[basil67]

34 minutes ago, StormCloud said:

Here’s a sterling example… 

She is now texting/snapping me demanding answers over something my mom SUPPOSEDLY said about the kids school. 

She makes excuses to talk to me multiple times per day and it’s usually something to do with the kids. 

I understand we have to communicate some over the kids but this is literally several times per day or at least once per day at the least. 

When I try to stand my ground I’m being “over dramatic” and childish. 

Thoughts? 

This has no relation whatsoever to what I just advised you to do.  

 

 

Edited December 31, 2021 by basil67

[StormCloud]

Just now, basil67 said:

This is a sterling example of you being completely under her thumb.   I get that you have to communicate about your kids, but the amount  this is ridiculous.

You live with her yes?  Tell her that you're tired of her blowing up your phone and will discuss any matters when you see her in the evening.  If she doesn't comply, block her

If she says you're being over dramatic, tell her that she's a pain in the rear end and you really don't care what she thinks.

 

No I don’t love with her. She loves with her boyfriend.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, StormCloud said:

No I don’t love with her. She loves with her boyfriend.

You mean 'live' with her?   

In that case, make a half hour appointment for a catchup about the kids once a week.   Tell her that with the exception of a medical emergency, you will not be responding to any of her messages.  

If she fakes a medical emergency, end the conversation as soon as you become aware.  Tell her :"This is not an emergency, I will speak with you at our appointment" 

Edited January 1, 2022 by basil67

[StormCloud]

Just now, basil67 said:

You mean 'live' with her?   

In that case, make a half hour appointment for a catchup about the kids once a week.   Tell her that with the exception of a medical emergency, you will not be responding to any of her messages.  

Not a bad idea. 

[Wiseman2]

On 12/26/2021 at 2:33 PM, StormCloud said:

I haven’t given her much money in the last two months honestly. I’ve given her what the court ordered and that was it. 

Exactly. Stick to the court ordered child support and court ordered visitation and custody agreement.

Do what is best for your 3 children. Be the best dad you can be.

Be consistent with them, provide a good life for them and love them.

Stop the nonsense with your ex wife. Don't negotiate or try to get her back. You're divorced and it's final. All finances and assets are divided in divorce, so your responsibility is to your children only.

Focus only on consistent co-parenting. Forget about her love life and all that. Once you divorce you're both free to do whatever you want.

Keep the focus on getting your physical and mental health in order. See your physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Continue your fitness and nutrition program to improve your health. Do it for yourself your children and your future.

Once you resume working and feel better physically and mentally, you can consider rebuilding your life financially, socially and with regard to dating again.

She is a cheater. So think of her as your children's mother and nothing more. Don't beat yourself up for her actions.

Edited January 1, 2022 by Wiseman2

[Cali Lisa]

Number one, stop asking the kids about their mom's sex life! How dare you! 

Number two, stop asking her about her sex life. It's none of your business. You are divorced and she is living with another man that she has no intention of leaving.

It sounds like she has to say what you want to hear because otherwise she won't be able to pay her bills. I am not sure if you are essentially blackmailing her with the money, but it's very clear to me that she is scared of losing your financial support. 

Your relationship is over and she is not going back. She was miserable with you. You haven't even lost weight, but you want her back. First become the person that she wants and then see if she likes you again. 

But interrogating the kids about their mom's sex is outrageous. Don't instigate, don't make your kids miserable. You clearly have the skills to make people miserable and she has those skills, too. Spare the kids and be a good dad. She left you for a reason. You don't want to change anything about you, you just want her to break up with him and fall back in your (miserable) nest. You are divorced. Focus on your children. They need you.