S2B Posted December 31, 2021 Share Posted December 31, 2021 Stop communicating with her. Her intention is to get money out of you. her issues aren’t your problem anymore! when she asks what you’re doing do NOT answer! Tell her to get a job and work hard to support herself and the kids. Then block her! Link to post Share on other sites
Author StormCloud Posted December 31, 2021 Author Share Posted December 31, 2021 30 minutes ago, Estes said: It's entirely possible she doesn't have a clue what she wants and she's telling each of you what she thinks you both want to hear so you''ll both stick around until she figures it out. Until your recent update 20 hrs ago, I was convinced she's just using you for your money. But now that you have no money left, and you say that you haven't given her any, that no longer seems likely. You need to get yourself together so you don't find yourself suddenly unemployed with child support and bills to pay and no car. The recent suspension you were just given by your boss is a warning to get your act together or else you'll be looking for another job. She says she doesn’t know what she wants. I think she wants him for now, but she’s concerned that if I walk away and lose all kinds of weight, get my mental health back, and find a girl worth having that she will regret her choice so she’s holding me in a holding cell waiting for me to get myself right so she can make a decision then. I don’t have any money right now but she knows that I will soon. I’ll be back to work and will be living in a better area which is what she always wanted. I think she’s more or less afraid things will change and she won’t like her decision. She has told me that as she spends time away from a she starts second guessing being with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StormCloud Posted December 31, 2021 Author Share Posted December 31, 2021 1 minute ago, S2B said: Stop communicating with her. Her intention is to get money out of you. her issues aren’t your problem anymore! when she asks what you’re doing do NOT answer! Tell her to get a job and work hard to support herself and the kids. Then block her! Can’t block her because of the kids. I mean I can on snap but she says it bothers him when he sees her talking to me on snap because that’s how he started talking to her too. I kind of like making him uncomfortable. Perhaps it would be better if I kept her on there but only responded when she asks about the children. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 31, 2021 Share Posted December 31, 2021 3 minutes ago, StormCloud said: She says she doesn’t know what she wants. I think she wants him for now, but she’s concerned that if I walk away and lose all kinds of weight, get my mental health back, and find a girl worth having that she will regret her choice so she’s holding me in a holding cell waiting for me to get myself right so she can make a decision then. I don’t have any money right now but she knows that I will soon. I’ll be back to work and will be living in a better area which is what she always wanted. I think she’s more or less afraid things will change and she won’t like her decision. She has told me that as she spends time away from a she starts second guessing being with him. And as you established earlier, she tells lies. You'd be a fool to believe anything she tells you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 31, 2021 Share Posted December 31, 2021 36 minutes ago, StormCloud said: Okay where do you guys see this going? If I walk away from her right now. Send her child support only, don’t talk to her about anything but the kids, spend all this time working on me and fixing me, not listening to her anymore. If I do that and walk away… what happens next? Is she gonna get married to him? Is she gonna come after me? Is she gonna try to use the kids to hurt me? What do you all see happening after that? Where do I see this going? If you continue as you are, I see a whole lot of continual turmoil for you and a thread which goes for 100 pages while you try to keep figuring out what she's doing. If you end it, I see you beginning to move on and start establishing a new life for yourself. A life which likely includes finding a new woman who treats you well. What she does as a result of you moving on is completely irrelevant. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StormCloud Posted December 31, 2021 Author Share Posted December 31, 2021 20 minutes ago, basil67 said: Where do I see this going? If you continue as you are, I see a whole lot of continual turmoil for you and a thread which goes for 100 pages while you try to keep figuring out what she's doing. If you end it, I see you beginning to move on and start establishing a new life for yourself. A life which likely includes finding a new woman who treats you well. What she does as a result of you moving on is completely irrelevant. Here’s a sterling example… She is now texting/snapping me demanding answers over something my mom SUPPOSEDLY said about the kids school. She makes excuses to talk to me multiple times per day and it’s usually something to do with the kids. I understand we have to communicate some over the kids but this is literally several times per day or at least once per day at the least. When I try to stand my ground I’m being “over dramatic” and childish. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 31, 2021 Share Posted December 31, 2021 1 hour ago, StormCloud said: She’s always asking me what I’m doing and stuff.. calling me. Casual talk mostly. I usually bring up working things out or how much longer is he gonna be around. That’s when she tells me she doesn’t know how much longer but is doubtful it’ll be much longer and vows to never marry him. She also says “I don’t want to be with you right now but I don’t know how I’ll feel later. I can’t predict the future. I just know the more you bring up that, the more desperate you look and it pushes me away. I like how laid back he is and how isn’t obsessive, but he has a child personality and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with an overgrown man child with no money”. No I'm not asking why she does what she does, I'm asking you why do you continue to take her calls and why are you trying to work it out with her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StormCloud Posted December 31, 2021 Author Share Posted December 31, 2021 Just now, stillafool said: No I'm not asking why she does what she does, I'm asking you why do you continue to take her calls and why are you trying to work it out with her? Nobody wants to date a guy that is in his 30s with three children and an ex wife that looks like Barbie. They all get intimidated by her and view the kids as baggage. At least that’s been my experience so far. I feel like if I can’t work it out with her, I’ll forever be alone. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 31, 2021 Share Posted December 31, 2021 1 minute ago, StormCloud said: Nobody wants to date a guy that is in his 30s with three children and an ex wife that looks like Barbie. They all get intimidated by her and view the kids as baggage. At least that’s been my experience so far. I feel like if I can’t work it out with her, I’ll forever be alone. That is just not so. I know a guy with 6 kids and an ex and women are crawling over themselves to get to him. He's 37. Not many men are looking for a Barbie with 3 kids by another man to take care of either. They may want her for a night or two but aren't lined up to marry her because kids typically go along with their mom. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StormCloud Posted December 31, 2021 Author Share Posted December 31, 2021 Just now, stillafool said: That is just not so. I know a guy with 6 kids and an ex and women are crawling over themselves to get to him. He's 37. Not many men are looking for a Barbie with 3 kids by another man to take care of either. They may want her for a night or two but aren't lined up to marry her because kids typically go along with their mom. This clown she’s with now sure wants to take on three-kid Barbie. The guy you’re referring to that’s 37… what is it women love about him? He loaded? Own a big business? Are the women all in their 40s and feel like finding a younger, successful man is their last shot of happiness? Ive made a bet that my ex will marry this guy. She makes big money now so she doesn’t care to take care of the bills and then use my child support as her cushion. She’s the money maker in the relationship and she’s fine with that for some reason. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 31, 2021 Share Posted December 31, 2021 4 minutes ago, StormCloud said: This clown she’s with now sure wants to take on three-kid Barbie. The guy you’re referring to that’s 37… what is it women love about him? He loaded? Own a big business? Are the women all in their 40s and feel like finding a younger, successful man is their last shot of happiness? Ive made a bet that my ex will marry this guy. She makes big money now so she doesn’t care to take care of the bills and then use my child support as her cushion. She’s the money maker in the relationship and she’s fine with that for some reason. He's sexy and good looking. He has a 19 -40 year olds chasing him, no money to give. You see your wife doesn't have it as easy as you think. She will marry a 37 year old who won't provide for her and her kids but instead she will work hard to take care of him. What a prize for middle age Barbie. This guy won't even give up his apartment because he probably thinks he can do better than your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StormCloud Posted December 31, 2021 Author Share Posted December 31, 2021 Just now, stillafool said: He's sexy and good looking. He has a 19 -40 year olds chasing him, no money to give. You see your wife doesn't have it as easy as you think. She will marry a 37 year old who won't provide for her and her kids but instead she will work hard to take care of him. What a prize for middle age Barbie. This guy won't even give up his apartment because he probably thinks he can do better than your wife. Her boyfriend is 31. She’s 30. I’m 32. When her and I got married, I was in the military. She begged me to marry her. She chased after me all through high school and even followed me to college. The first few years of marriage she was crazy into me but when I put on weight (as most truck drivers do) she began to look elsewhere. This new guy is a lot taller than me. I’d say 6’3” and very slim. I’m around 5’8” so I know that’s one thing she likes about him. He has similar features to me - dark skin, green eyes, dark hair. He doesn’t have any girls giving him attention on social media and his ex wife who he just divorced last year is very unattractive. I don’t know if he left his apartment or not. I’m just going by what she says. I just know when he’s not working he’s at her house and that’s even when she is at work. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 31, 2021 Share Posted December 31, 2021 (edited) 34 minutes ago, StormCloud said: Here’s a sterling example… She is now texting/snapping me demanding answers over something my mom SUPPOSEDLY said about the kids school. She makes excuses to talk to me multiple times per day and it’s usually something to do with the kids. I understand we have to communicate some over the kids but this is literally several times per day or at least once per day at the least. When I try to stand my ground I’m being “over dramatic” and childish. Thoughts? This has no relation whatsoever to what I just advised you to do. Edited December 31, 2021 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StormCloud Posted December 31, 2021 Author Share Posted December 31, 2021 Just now, basil67 said: This is a sterling example of you being completely under her thumb. I get that you have to communicate about your kids, but the amount this is ridiculous. You live with her yes? Tell her that you're tired of her blowing up your phone and will discuss any matters when you see her in the evening. If she doesn't comply, block her If she says you're being over dramatic, tell her that she's a pain in the rear end and you really don't care what she thinks. No I don’t love with her. She loves with her boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted December 31, 2021 Share Posted December 31, 2021 So what… she texts you. Do not answer ANY questions or drama she is creating!!! ONLY answer IF the kids are literally in jeopardy or the hospital! sheez, you are so used to her drama that you see it as “normal” - it’s NOT normal and you owe her no answers to the stupid things she texts you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 1, 2022 Share Posted January 1, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, StormCloud said: No I don’t love with her. She loves with her boyfriend. You mean 'live' with her? In that case, make a half hour appointment for a catchup about the kids once a week. Tell her that with the exception of a medical emergency, you will not be responding to any of her messages. If she fakes a medical emergency, end the conversation as soon as you become aware. Tell her :"This is not an emergency, I will speak with you at our appointment" Edited January 1, 2022 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StormCloud Posted January 1, 2022 Author Share Posted January 1, 2022 Just now, basil67 said: You mean 'live' with her? In that case, make a half hour appointment for a catchup about the kids once a week. Tell her that with the exception of a medical emergency, you will not be responding to any of her messages. Not a bad idea. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 1, 2022 Share Posted January 1, 2022 (edited) On 12/26/2021 at 2:33 PM, StormCloud said: I haven’t given her much money in the last two months honestly. I’ve given her what the court ordered and that was it. Exactly. Stick to the court ordered child support and court ordered visitation and custody agreement. Do what is best for your 3 children. Be the best dad you can be. Be consistent with them, provide a good life for them and love them. Stop the nonsense with your ex wife. Don't negotiate or try to get her back. You're divorced and it's final. All finances and assets are divided in divorce, so your responsibility is to your children only. Focus only on consistent co-parenting. Forget about her love life and all that. Once you divorce you're both free to do whatever you want. Keep the focus on getting your physical and mental health in order. See your physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. Continue your fitness and nutrition program to improve your health. Do it for yourself your children and your future. Once you resume working and feel better physically and mentally, you can consider rebuilding your life financially, socially and with regard to dating again. She is a cheater. So think of her as your children's mother and nothing more. Don't beat yourself up for her actions. Edited January 1, 2022 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cali Lisa Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 Number one, stop asking the kids about their mom's sex life! How dare you! Number two, stop asking her about her sex life. It's none of your business. You are divorced and she is living with another man that she has no intention of leaving. It sounds like she has to say what you want to hear because otherwise she won't be able to pay her bills. I am not sure if you are essentially blackmailing her with the money, but it's very clear to me that she is scared of losing your financial support. Your relationship is over and she is not going back. She was miserable with you. You haven't even lost weight, but you want her back. First become the person that she wants and then see if she likes you again. But interrogating the kids about their mom's sex is outrageous. Don't instigate, don't make your kids miserable. You clearly have the skills to make people miserable and she has those skills, too. Spare the kids and be a good dad. She left you for a reason. You don't want to change anything about you, you just want her to break up with him and fall back in your (miserable) nest. You are divorced. Focus on your children. They need you. Link to post Share on other sites
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