Unreliable friend

[Angel29]

I had messaged my friend throughout lockdown. In August her mum died from a stroke. I went to the funeral in September and it was the first time I saw my friend in nearly 2 years. 

There was a guy who was there and he seemed very familiar with her. I asked if that was her boyfriend and she said yes. She had bumped into him in a shop just before the pandemic and they were messaging throughput lockdown and this summer went on dates. He asked her out the week her mum died and she said dating him will help her get over her mum’s death. I don’t why she hid this from me about her relationship if we are supposed to be friends.

I’m not bothered that she is dating him as she doesn’t love herself and is always needy attaching to men. He is a predator asking her out when she is vulnerable grieving from her mum.

I have tried to ask her to meet up but she only wants to go a see male strippers or expects me to drive her 2 hours for ‘modelling’ shoots with no petrol money being given. I have refused both of these as I am just going to be used and it’s not something I want to do.

I saw one of her best friends from school has joined a local women’s group for friends as she was in some photos so even she is moving on. I know she is probably grieving over her mum but whenever she meets a man she cuts everyone off and revolves her whole life around a man which is what is happening with him as she always posts photos of them together. She always thinks meeting a man to get married and have children with will make her complete. She doesn’t work and neither does her boyfriend.

Yesterday was the final straw as I wished her Merry Christmas, she read and didn’t respond but is posting on social media. She can’t even wish me a good time. In the New Year I feel like cutting her off and moving on. Thanks.

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, Angel29 said:

In the New Year I feel like cutting her off and moving on.

Perhaps she views you as more of an acquaintance (than a friend) after your refusal to transport her to the modelling shoots. She didn't get what she wanted from you (ie free ride), so you are of no use to her and you were downgraded.

It may be time for you to do the same (to her).

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Angel29 said:

she only wants to go a see male strippers or expects me to drive her 2 hours for ‘modelling’ shoots with no petrol money being given. I wished her Merry Christmas, she read and didn’t respond but is posting on social media. 

Sorry this happened. People grow apart. I would put her on the backburner in the "acquaintance" pile and not consider her a friend.

[ShyViolet]

She's making it clear that she's no longer interested in being friends with you.  She can't be that close of a friend if you hadn't seen her in 2 years and didn't know that she had a boyfriend.  Let this go and move on.

[Alpacalia]

Keep in mind that her mother just passed away. The way she lives does not necessarily contradict your values; it just doesn't fit with them. Maintain relationships with people who enhance your life, who boost your spirits and who you would truly miss if they were gone. Maybe shedding light on the bad behavior will provoke change.

[spiritedaway2003]

Also ask yourself why whether she has a boyfriend or not matters to you.  Or whether she or they have a job or not. It’s almost like you are looking down on her (maybe that’s why she considers you merely an acquaintance).

Move on. Let her live her life the way she wants to.

Edited December 28, 2021 by spiritedaway2003

[stillafool]

On 12/26/2021 at 1:12 PM, Angel29 said:

In the New Year I feel like cutting her off and moving on. Thanks.

Yes please do her a favor and cut her off.  I'll bet she's hoping you do.  You are way too involved in her personal life that is absolutely none of your business.  If you don't like her just leave her alone.

[Angel29]

46 minutes ago, spiritedaway2003 said:

Also ask yourself why whether she has a boyfriend or not matters to you.  Or whether she or they have a job or not. It’s almost like you are looking down on her (maybe that’s why she considers you merely an acquaintance).

Move on. Let her live her life the way she wants to.

She drops her friends and cuts them off when she has a boyfriend. Very unhealthy.

[Angel29]

30 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Yes please do her a favor and cut her off.  I'll bet she's hoping you do.  You are way too involved in her personal life that is absolutely none of your business.  If you don't like her just leave her alone.

You don’t know the full story. She is a complete user. I’m dropping her as there is no reciprocal friendship.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Angel29 said:

She drops her friends and cuts them off when she has a boyfriend. Very unhealthy.

Most people would rather spend time with their partner than friends.  Good friends understand that it takes time to cultivate a new relationship.  Doesn't matter if you think it's healthy or not.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Angel29 said:

You don’t know the full story. She is a complete user. I’m dropping her as there is no reciprocal friendship.

You're right, only what you've posted here and good you are going to leave her alone.  She hasn't used you as you guys are just acquaintances.

Edited December 28, 2021 by stillafool

[Angel29]

42 minutes ago, stillafool said:

You're right, only what you've posted here and good you are going to leave her alone.  She hasn't used you as you guys are just acquaintances.

No, she is a user as she wants errands doing and gives nothing back. I’m going to build new friendships instead.