Personality Type & Risk of Being Perpetually Single

[GuitarGuy7]

I believe that there is a link between personality types and your risk of being perpetually single. Certain personalities or personality types may contribute to someone struggling in the dating department, although this isn't true for everyone. For instance, high extroversion, high agreeableness, high empathy, and/or high risk-taking are positively correlated with dating success since people with these traits tend to be more likeable and popular in general. People who have higher levels of social skills and higher levels of empathy are perceived as more warm and friendly and tend to have more friends and this may contribute to dating success as well. In fact, having a good personality may help average or even below average looking men compensate for their appearance and still be romantically successful. Almost everyone knows someone who is physically not very attractive, but is very funny and charming and has a lot of friends so as a result, manages to find love or hookups.

However, the opposite is true for opposite personality types. Those who are shy, introverted, and low risk-takers may struggle in the dating department and are at greater risk of being perpetually single. Shyness and introversion seems to be more of a handicap for males since men are expected to be the pursuers and initiators. In addition, poor social skills, a low social IQ, a low emotional IQ, and/or an unlikeable personality also likely contribute and may be a reason why some people just can't seem to find a romantic partner. Also, certain mental disabilities such as autism can affect your personality along with your social and emotional intelligence, and your ability to feel empathy. This partially explain why a higher percentage of autistic people struggle with dating relative to those who are unaffected. 

From the Big 5 Personality Traits there are certain personality types that are more likely to struggle with dating compared to others. For instance, those with the personality profile of low extroversion, low agreeableness, and high neuroticism, are at greater risk of struggling with dating. Others may perceive them as cold, standoffish, anti-social, or even mean-spirited, which hurts their chances of making friends and finding love. In fact, many hardcore involuntarily celibetes fit this personality profile. On the other hand, those with high extroversion, high agreeableness, and low neuroticism, have the "golden personality". Those with the golden personality typically have an easy times making friends and finding romantic partners isn't to difficult for those with this personality profile.

As for the Myers Briggs Personality Type those with thinker and/or introverted letters are more likely to struggle with dating compared to their extroverted and feeler counterparts. 

So what do you think? Do you think there is a correlation between personality type/profile and romantic or sexual success?

[Foxhall]

I seem to be attracted to your threads!

Its easier for an extrovert I suppose to have romantic or sexual success (no prizes for saying that) in saying that there are millions of introverted types having this success now as we write.

Im an ISFP myself on that test (adventurer which is an introverted personality type). Some people probably call that nonsense, but my profile is very similar to what I am in fairness.

in terms of women I have clicked best with- ones who are moderate extroverts probably are my best match,

I am able to spark off their personalities if that makes sense,

I find an introverted person maybe harder work because well I am on the introverted side myself, 

so the notion of opposites attract perhaps in putting an introverted and extroverted type together can be a good match.

In your case you come across as a little grumpy probably, so Id work on that, come across as pleasant, happy, and act like a gentleman with the ladies,

dont worry about not having an extroverted personality. be a good listener and enjoy yourself.

Do you play the guitar? thats a good starting point usually with girls.

 

 

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, Foxhall said:

dont worry about not having an extroverted personality. be a good listener and enjoy yourself. Do you play the guitar? thats a good starting point usually with girls.

Agree. Lots of women go for the "strong silent type".

It's about playing the hand you are dealt well.

Yes if music or other interesting things are hobbies/interests, that can be attractive as well.

[chillii]

Can't stand all the labels, categorizing, way way way over analyzing/thinking and explanations around these days and certainly don't have the patience or interest to even bother with it. l can't even believe the lengths people go to in forums even answering posts with page long detail and dissecting of total strangers queries.They must have some time on their hands so for me to go to this trouble is rare let me tell ya. So put simply, of course personality out of thousands of bits and pieces and individualism is huge,although many are far less complex. But of the 3 people l know never had long term relationships or marriage, in their 40s and 50s now, whom l'm known all 3 most of my life, all def' have traits in common. l could've told them back in their late teens, l did one of them, they'll always struggle. 2 females and 1 male.  And you see a mix of traits especially in most long term single females all the time, you even see them in forums, all the time.                                                                              Couldn't even begin to describe them though and wouldn't bother but a few things you notice in common are like nit pickiness hard to get along ,defensiveness and chips on their shoulder are huge especially in females.  lt's not about being a push over which is their first defense, it's about being calm at peace and comfortable in who they are, but they seem to struggle with that.

But there's someone for most people, just bc a guy can't stop a crowd dead on sight, means nothing, so what, he or she only needs that one, not 100s and many only want that one. l think the biggest thing is a bit of self awareness if you do have traits that seem to be turning the opposite sex off, and working on them a little. Another thing l notice in common with people l talked about,they still can't see the differences in themselves and so in their 40s and 50s now, still chase their tales .

Edited December 26, 2021 by chillii

[GuitarGuy7]

The problem is that I have no idea why women don't like me. I don't know if it's because of my looks, personality, or both. 

I mean the last girl I went out on a "date" with admitted to not being sexually attracted to me. I didn't ask her why, nor would I want to know the answer but evidence somewhat supports the idea that some of it is my physical appearance that is turning women off, and I simply don't have the personality nor social skills to make up for my lack of good looks. 


So the questions remains. Do incels always get rejected because of a bad personality or do incels have a bad personality because they're always rejected? Which comes first? 

Edited December 26, 2021 by GuitarGuy7

[chillii]

Op , just going on some of your posts l've seen around , for you l think it's as much about the type of person and personality in a woman you go for . That's important for anyone but for you , know what you need , and look for that in a female.

Male or female can also do so much with looks if they think that's a problem too even just dressing a little differently, hair , losing weight, simple things like that are huge.

Edited December 26, 2021 by chillii

[Yosemite]

29 minutes ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

So the questions remains. Do incels always get rejected because of a bad personality or do incels have a bad personality because they're always rejected? Which comes first? 

Their bad personalities came first. The evidence being that the vast majority of adult men who have never dated didn't have any friends while growing up. Most elementary school kids aren't trying to date, so they're not getting rejected, but they still don't have friends...the most common/probable reason is because of their personalities.

It's extremely difficult, almost impossible IMO, for someone to learn to be charming/outgoing/friendly especially as an adult. I think an adult can learn to be socially competent (which is all that's required for an average guy to get an average girl) but being charming or charismatic is innate IMO and tough to learn especially for someone who struggles socially to begin with. 

Edited December 26, 2021 by Yosemite

[chillii]

Very few people are all charming and charismatic , despite what they might think. No need for ridiculous self expectations if that's not you op, just be yourself . But eh if you have trouble just being even friendly or having a laugh now and then and things like that , without trying too hard- kiss of death, we can lighten up a bit , that helps hugely.

Edited December 26, 2021 by chillii

[Foxhall]

Have you any friends who are good with women who would be willing to lend you a helping hand,

just at introductions and general chit chat,

try to distance yourself from circles that encourage you to hate women and things,

look to find the kind of guys who will help you out,

not easy but it can all change from finding a bit of confidence, 

even try just making friends with girls, 

as I stated on the other thread you are probably going to need a little time to warm up with people, so learning the patience to play the long game will be the game plan for you,

 

 

 

 

 

[Weezy1973]

12 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

So the questions remains. Do incels always get rejected because of a bad personality or do incels have a bad personality because they're always rejected? Which comes first? 

I think this is likely oversimplification. First, I suspect there are many that consider themselves incels that actually aren’t. They could have sex if they wanted to; they just don’t like their options. So in reality they’re voluntarily celibate. 
 

Second, I suspect many get rejected because of their lack of social skills / unattractive appearance, and that diminishes their confidence which can create a negative feedback loop. 
 

Thirdly, being outgoing and a risk taker isn’t necessarily universally attractive, but those personality traits will put someone in situations where they have way more opportunity to succeed. Dating after all is ultimately a numbers game. Staying home alone playing video games isn’t going to move the needle at all when it comes to getting more opportunities. 

[GuitarGuy7]

3 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Second, I suspect many get rejected because of their lack of social skills / unattractive appearance, and that diminishes their confidence which can create a negative feedback loop. 

I think that this is what happened to me in my case. 

The first time I started trying to date and ask girls out was when I was 20 and I was rejected. From the ages of 20-24, I started talking to and asking girls out frequently and once again, I was always rejected. I did get the occasional "date" but it always fell apart after the first meetup, and I suspect many of these women didn't really think it was a date. 

So as you can imagine, my confidence became crap so I stopped talking to girls which further decreased my chances. 

[Weezy1973]

51 minutes ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

The first time I started trying to date and ask girls out was when I was 20 and I was rejected. From the ages of 20-24, I started talking to and asking girls out frequently and once again, I was always rejected.

Yes, so on top of your autism and short height, you were, as many guys do, making at attempts with women in the age range where they have the most options. And at an age when they are the most likely to be seeking fun, casual etc. 

Men who aren’t traditionally attractive tend to do better a bit later in life when they have stability, an established career and are looking for marriage and kids. Unfortunately for some, the confidence they lost in their 20s created a downward spiral that they’re still in, so they still struggle even though they have more options.

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

The first time I started trying to date and ask girls out was when I was 20 and I was rejected. From the ages of 20-24, I started talking to and asking girls out frequently and once again, I was always rejected.

Looking back with more perspective perhaps, do you think you asked out girls who you had a realistic chance of dating?

[Happy Lemming]

19 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

As for the Myers Briggs Personality Type those with thinker and/or introverted letters are more likely to struggle with dating compared to their extroverted and feeler counterparts.

So what do you think? Do you think there is a correlation between personality type/profile and romantic or sexual success?

I do think it is more difficult for an introvert to approach, chit-chat and date a woman, but it is not impossible.  Again, in order to develop game/skillz it takes practice.

An introvert can easily imitate or mimic an extrovert, but again it does take practice.  You would need to watch what extroverted (successful) guys do and learn from them. Would it be more difficult for you... YES.  Would it force you out of your comfort zone... YES.  Would you eventually develop confidence with women... YES.

In addition to all of this... it doesn't hurt to do some prep work.  As an example, my girlfriend and I were going to this party.  I knew one of the couples there was interested in Real Estate (in an area) where I flipped a house a few years, prior.  I re-educated myself about the area and learned of some new items that were happening (in regards to utilities in that area).  I kind of practiced which words I would use, so I wouldn't be at a loss for the proper word/description. 

[Weezy1973]

2 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

I do think it is more difficult for an introvert to approach, chit-chat and date a woman, but it is not impossible. 

Introverted can be very charming and find it easy to approach women. Introversion is not the same as shyness. That being said extroverts are more likely to put themselves in a position to meet women because they’re motivated to go out and socialize.
 

If an introvert is single, they’ll need to go against their nature and force themselves to go out more if they want to increase their chances of success. But in terms of approaching and / being charismatic and charming, both introverted and extroverted people can do that.

If one is so shy that they can’t approach or avoid situations where that might happen, they possibly have a social anxiety disorder and might benefit from therapy.

[GuitarGuy7]

3 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Yes, so on top of your autism and short height, you were, as many guys do, making at attempts with women in the age range where they have the most options. And at an age when they are the most likely to be seeking fun, casual etc. 

Men who aren’t traditionally attractive tend to do better a bit later in life when they have stability, an established career and are looking for marriage and kids. Unfortunately for some, the confidence they lost in their 20s created a downward spiral that they’re still in, so they still struggle even though they have more options.

I think everything you said was perfectly spot on.

I was never a drinker or partyer; I never went out to bars or nightclubs, even when I was college aged. And many women in the 18-22 age range are all about drinking, partying, having short term casual encounters, and I would have never fit into that sort of environment. So already, I would have been incompatible with a good majority of 18-22 year old girls. While other kids my age were going to the bars, going to the nightclubs, and getting "f'd up", I was probably at home playing Runescape with my group of online friends.

You're also right about girls in the under 25 range having a lot of options. A decent looking 21 year old girl can go on Tinder and get 1000+ matches fairly easily. Even average looking girls gets boat loads of male attention. I knew this girl very briefly, who was also autistic, who was a 4 or 5 on the looks scale; she had absolutely no problem whatsoever with guys, and would talk to me about all of her sexual encounters from going to the bar every week, and she definitely wasn't all that looks wise. 


My best option to "escape" is to take on the role of a beta male provider, or "betabux" for short. A betabux is a slang term for a man who physically, isn't attractive but his appeal to women comes from his ability to provide resources which shows that he's capable of providing for his wife and raising their future children. Men who are betabuxes typically don't do well with women in their teenage or early adulthood years, since most women under 25 arne't thinking about marriage and kids, and are more likely to look for short term casual encounters which is something betabuxes typically don't excel in. However the betabux typically does better with women in their thirties and forties since most women at that age are ready to settle down after having their fun with alphas and chads throughout their teens and early adulthood years. 

 

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

My best option to "escape" is to take on the role of a beta male provider, or "betabux" for short. A betabux is a slang term for a man who physically, isn't attractive but his appeal to women comes from his ability to provide resources which shows that he's capable of providing for his wife and raising their future children. Men who are betabuxes typically don't do well with women in their teenage or early adulthood years, since most women under 25 arne't thinking about marriage and kids, and are more likely to look for short term casual encounters which is something betabuxes typically don't excel in. However the betabux typically does better with women in their thirties and forties since most women at that age are ready to settle down after having their fun with alphas and chads throughout their teens and early adulthood years. 

I would not bank on it.
If you cannot talk to and attract women in your 20s then you may be just as "undesirable" to women in your 30s and 40s if you do not take positive steps to improve your social skills.
'Older' women can be very picky, especially when looking for husband and father material. 

Edited December 27, 2021 by elaine567

[Yosemite]

The best thing you can do is stop reading incel sites, it's filling your brain with garbage nonsense. How does your party-with-alphas-until-age-30-and-then-marry-a-beta theory fit in with the fact that most people meet their future spouse in college and most people graduate at 22? There are plenty of women in college who want and are looking for a long term boyfriend. Lots of college women don't go to bars or clubs. Many of the people who met their future spouse in college didn't meet in a bar or other party atmosphere, they met in class or a study group or they were lab partners or something similar. Many college women don't want short term sexual encounters because it's unfulflling emotionally and many men don't put any effort into sexually satisfying their partner if they're not in love with her. A lot of women are looking to get married before or at age 30.

You're a man applying a male's ideal fantasy life on to women...most men would love to sleep around with only the hottest women and then settle down at 35 or 40, so you're assuming that women want the same thing, but that's not what most women want for themselves.

You're so concerned about the behavior of women in their early 20's for being the reason that you've never dated, what about your own behavior in your early 20s? How much time did you spend on porn, video games, and incel sites? Did you have a job? Did you have any friends? How many times did you speak to a woman like your mom or sibling for advice on dating instead of reading incel sites? How often did you follow the advice that your mom/sister/aunt gave you? I guarantee that no one told you that playing video games for the majority of the day was the way to get a gf.

You need to look within to solve your dating issues.

[SumGuy]

On 12/26/2021 at 3:14 PM, GuitarGuy7 said:

... So what do you think? Do you think there is a correlation between personality type/profile and romantic or sexual success?

The "Big 5" thing tastes like BS, so that is what I think of that as a lens to view the dating world.  As to Myers Briggs, haven't really seen a correlation (and I am a rare Myers Briggs type).  All the traits that can make for success (or failure) are not unique to one type or another.  I do tend to think that those with a sensor (vs. intuitive) type have a harder time adapting BUT then again they do well with like minded others.  Romantic and sexual success are two different things, and there are even different kinds of sexual success.

Now when it some to personality traits, sure some are harder to turn people on with than others.   Judgmental folks generally don't do well at turning on others unless those others share the same judgmentalism and then they can bond over that.

[SumGuy]

23 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

...
So the questions remains. Do incels always get rejected because of a bad personality or do incels have a bad personality because they're always rejected? Which comes first? 

Interesting question.  Don't believe there is one answer.  I can only say of the few who became incels I have known it was their worldview and personality that got them rejected, and instead of getting real about their basically misogynistic and whining behavior they just entered the echo chamber, doubled down and became incels.   

[basil67]

I think it's pretty rare for people to never have a sex life.  I mean, it seems like there's a lot of it around because of the internet, but the reality is different.  

Of the people I have known who have the problem, they fall into the category of either a social disability or a particularly obvious physical abnormality.  As an example of the latter, I did know one guy who was great company - nothing wrong with his personality at all, but he had a facial abnormality and this severely reduced his options.  (He later married a Thai woman and had a very happy life with her) 

As for personality types, I've known all kinds of different personalities - from the gregarious to the very quiet and they've all partnered up.  

[Trail Blazer]

I think that women will still want to date the same type of guy in their 30s and 40s as they dod in their 20s.  Sure, there might be a few outliers either side of the "bulk", i.e. the "Chad" might not seem to hot and instead seem more like a douche.  But overall, we're attracted to who we're attracted to.

My girlfriend, while admitting to never having a "type", seems to be consitent in who she's dated throughout her adult life.  Like most, she dates at the level to which she finds most attractive.  And yeah, apart from having a lower tolerance for douchebag behavior in jer 30s, the type of guy she's attracted to remains consistent.

I'm not sure if personality type is a good indicator of singledom.  An attractive guy, no matter what personality, just needs to put a few photos up on dating apps, and he's going to get matches.  Matches will invariably equal dates.  The same cannot be said for a guy with the personality type most attractive to women, if his physical attributes are lacking.

Where personality type comes into play is when the guy isn't attractive physically, but he's able to stay the course, focus on bettering himself and selling himself as the provider.  Your betabux analogy has some truth to it.  However, a guy can only pull it off if he has charm and charisma to go with it.

As much as women will deny it, looks matter a lot to a lot of them.  Not all, but most.  I was at the mall and saw a very thin, quite attractive woman with a man who was a fair bit overweight, receding hairline and quite an average looking face.  They were clearly coupled up, yet despite not being a prime physical specimen, must have other attractive attributes.

I'd love to say there was a panacea for circumventing your problems, but sadly I don't have one.  Personality only goes so far.  However, the one positive thing is that at least women are not as likely to put as high an emphasis on looks as men do.  So, personality does still play a part.

[basil67]

Hmmm... I've always been attracted to Mr Average.  Average height (5'7, similar to me), average looks... but the personality has varied.   I've gone from dating nerd/introvert to a long term relationship with the fun, smart guy who has loads of friends.   

[elaine567]

Poor dating ability is usually all about extremes.
One can be  of any personality type and still find a partner, but if your personality traits are at the extreme end of the range, then it is more difficult to find anyone to match up with.
You can be shy, but still find someone who will  bring you out of your shell, but if you are so shy you refuse to leave your home apart from getting necessities, then it is unlikely you will meet anyone.
Shy OK, extreme shyness a no go.

[dramafreezone]

I think regardless of personality type, you can be successful dating if you want it enough.  I think focusing too much on what you are not is time wasted that could be spent on amplifying your strengths.

On the one hand it's important to be aware of your limitations.  A lot of people say you can be anything you want to be and that's not true.  If you're 4'8'' you can't be in the NBA, your physical limitations are just too great to overcome though hard work honing your skills.  

That said, you can be a successful jockey as a really short man.  The point is it's about finding your lane and excelling in that lane, not trying to play the game that others play when they have advantages that you don't have.

Quote

So the questions remains. Do incels always get rejected because of a bad personality or do incels have a bad personality because they're always rejected? Which comes first? 

I really dislike that term "incel."  I think there are actually very few true "incels."  I think most that call themselves that are actually "volcels."  And I think it's much more of the latter than the former.  They've allowed a fraction of people in this world to have a disproportionate effect on their lives.

Edited December 29, 2021 by dramafreezone