Personality Type & Risk of Being Perpetually Single

[spiderowl]

On 12/26/2021 at 10:20 PM, GuitarGuy7 said:

The problem is that I have no idea why women don't like me. I don't know if it's because of my looks, personality, or both. 

I mean the last girl I went out on a "date" with admitted to not being sexually attracted to me. I didn't ask her why, nor would I want to know the answer but evidence somewhat supports the idea that some of it is my physical appearance that is turning women off, and I simply don't have the personality nor social skills to make up for my lack of good looks. 


So the questions remains. Do incels always get rejected because of a bad personality or do incels have a bad personality because they're always rejected? Which comes first? 

Just thought I'd comment here, GuitarGuy7, because I think it is possible to get too hung up on the idea that something is stopping you from being attractive to women.  I can tell you a little anecdote which I think illustrates it well.

When I was a new student at uni, I met some women who lived in the same uni halls.  These women were to become my friends.  They were all attractive and one, D, was pretty stunning.  She was also a lovely person to talk to.  Later that day, all the students in the block went to a social session set up by the Resident Tutor of the halls so that new students could get to know each other.  I noticed a few nice guys there and learned their names.  The next day I was talking with D and she mentioned this guy she saw there called W.  She thought he was really attractive and hinted that she would like to date him if she got the chance.  I had not noticed W at all!  My mental filter had filtered him out of all the guys there and I was barely conscious he was there.  He was not attractive to me.  

The point is that attraction is very individual and we all filter.  You might be totally unattractive to one woman and seen as a Greek god by another.  Do not make assumptions.  Just work on the basis that one of the women you find attractive will also find you attractive.  Do not assume attraction is rational.

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by spiderowl

[aloneagain63]

GuitarGuy7

As a fellow short, no longer attractive, chronically alone, guitar molesting bachelor,  I know from experience that there is hope for you.

Personality goes a loooooong way.  If you are shy...........practice.    Take it a step at a time.  You don't have to become Don Juan overnite.

Confidence is huuuuuuge.   Not the in you face bravado that many guys emit.   Work on quiet confidence, a personna of being comfortable with yourself while out in public.  Attractive to women..

Humor:  If you can make women laugh, you can get them to go out with  you.     

Clean up yoself as best you can and go mingle.  Consider it an experiment.   Make a change in your hobbies and you'll meet new possibilities. I live in a very rural area so I'd have to drive 50 miles to find enough ladies in one place to put the odds in my favor.  I don't know how women that would be at this point.

I'd bet that the female who was hanging with you and telling you of her sexual exploits and dating success was trying to get thru to you that she'd do you too if you'd have asked her out.  I'd bet most of her bold talk was not totally accurate.  Guys lie about their conquests,  stands to reason that women might at times.

[aloneagain63]

To all the guys moaning that their looks keep them unattached and alone,  from all accounts, Ben Franklin was quite the womanizer.  And he would have had to ride a stinkin mule 40 miles to find a woman or take a wooden sailing ship to France to get laid.   He sure wasn't purty, but he was successful.  So what was his ah, "game"?

He had a sharp wit.    He was good with words.    Later in life he was famous.   Probably bathed more often than the once a month custom of the time. 

Perhaps word got around that his uhm,,,,,,,,,manhood,,,, put the previously mentioned mules to shame.

 

Whatever was his  "edge",  his success wasn't because of his looks and doesn't sound like it kept him from rolling in every haystack in Pennsylvania and most of New York

[ZA Dater]

I do believe certain personality types do struggle more with dating because men are seemingly expected to do most of the work, at least initially. Again I suspect he type of person who does find dating success changes over time as society adapts and I for one believe social media and OLD have made dating a lot harder if one is not the outgoing type.

Never underestimate the level of understanding, I used to believe that people would actually try relate to others but what I generally find is most cant be bothered because why persevere with a person when a better one is but a swipe away assuming one has any sort of attractiveness in the dating market.