She lied about her age (should I block her out of my life?

[lee777]

I met this woman about a year after my separation. I certainly was not ready to get involved with anyone, but I was lonely and naïve exiting a 25 year relationship w/ my EX. We never really dated, but for most of the next 3 1/2 years we communicated by text, and we had these weekends throughout Southern California with a couple in Las Vegas. She is independently wealthy.  She said things to me to make me think that I was important. Very intimate things. We connected sexually on another level, but we were never able to form any real commitment.

Because I was so emotionally screwed up due to a 25 year marriage breaking apart, and I was enticed by her wealth, and sex, I allowed this to happen.  We really didn't see each other much during the pandemic, but something happened to her earlier this year and she started becoming more forward with me. She wanted to see me again, and even invited me to her house for the first time. We started seeing each other again (weekends in San Diego), during the summer.  Though we have no commitments together, she definitely told me things to make me think I was special.  She told me in a hotel that she had actually been involved with another man for the last 1 1/2 (during the pandemic).  I guess I kind of felt betrayed because she never wanted to come visit me during the pandemic, because she told me she was afraid of getting Covid.  She also told me that she wasn't actually going to be 53 in a few months, but rather 60 in a few months.

I'm sure some of you are wondering what kind of a sucker I am. This was the first encounter with a woman after my ex-wife. She provided a lot of fun in my life, and I had no money. She spoiled me. She made me think I was important.

Something magical happened to me which is changing everything now. I finally forgave my ex-wife, and all the bitterness I had been holding in changed, and that's when the rose colored glasses off. I see everything different now. This woman has been lying to me about everything. Should I completely block her out of my life? Why do I still think about her?  I think I know the answer to this, but I'm looking for strategies.

[Happy Lemming]

Are you looking to get married again??  If not, let her lie about her age... who cares.

Was the sex good??  If so, just enjoy the ride for as long as it lasts.

17 minutes ago, lee777 said:

We never really dated, but for most of the next 3 1/2 years we communicated by text...

 

Were you dating other women during this 3.5 year "pen-pal" stage??

[SumGuy]

I wouldn't break up with her based on the lie about her age....it's more here seeing someone else for a year and a half while keeping you at a distance.  Not sure if that is cheating, all depends on the understanding between the two of you about what it was, but it sure could be.  It does sound like this is fun for her, and she shows you a good time...but it's casual and no commitment on her end.  You'd have to decide if that is OK with you and I would think it means you too could start seeing someone else and not be exclusive if you so wished.

In short, sounds like FWB except she is a bit of a sugar momma.  

[Acacia98]

7 hours ago, lee777 said:

This was the first encounter with a woman after my ex-wife. She provided a lot of fun in my life, and I had no money. She spoiled me. She made me think I was important.

(...)

This woman has been lying to me about everything. Should I completely block her out of my life? Why do I still think about her?  I think I know the answer to this, but I'm looking for strategies.

Apart from her lying about her age, did she wrong you? I ask because you're categorical about the fact that there was no real commitment between you two and you seem to have been okay with that. You also say she made you feel special, but did you make her feel special? She spent money on you, but did you do anything for her? If it was the one-sided arrangement that you seem to describe, why expect fidelity, especially if you didn't explicitly request it? Even FWB arrangements are typically preceded by conversations that set the terms of the relationships. Did you ever have any such conversations?

[glows]

10 hours ago, lee777 said:

I met this woman about a year after my separation. I certainly was not ready to get involved with anyone, but I was lonely and naïve exiting a 25 year relationship w/ my EX. We never really dated, but for most of the next 3 1/2 years we communicated by text, and we had these weekends throughout Southern California with a couple in Las Vegas. She is independently wealthy.  She said things to me to make me think that I was important. Very intimate things. We connected sexually on another level, but we were never able to form any real commitment.

Because I was so emotionally screwed up due to a 25 year marriage breaking apart, and I was enticed by her wealth, and sex, I allowed this to happen.  We really didn't see each other much during the pandemic, but something happened to her earlier this year and she started becoming more forward with me. She wanted to see me again, and even invited me to her house for the first time. We started seeing each other again (weekends in San Diego), during the summer.  Though we have no commitments together, she definitely told me things to make me think I was special.  She told me in a hotel that she had actually been involved with another man for the last 1 1/2 (during the pandemic).  I guess I kind of felt betrayed because she never wanted to come visit me during the pandemic, because she told me she was afraid of getting Covid.  She also told me that she wasn't actually going to be 53 in a few months, but rather 60 in a few months.

I'm sure some of you are wondering what kind of a sucker I am. This was the first encounter with a woman after my ex-wife. She provided a lot of fun in my life, and I had no money. She spoiled me. She made me think I was important.

Something magical happened to me which is changing everything now. I finally forgave my ex-wife, and all the bitterness I had been holding in changed, and that's when the rose colored glasses off. I see everything different now. This woman has been lying to me about everything. Should I completely block her out of my life? Why do I still think about her?  I think I know the answer to this, but I'm looking for strategies.

Of what value in particular is she? 

You both seem to lean on one another during your separation. It didn’t lead to anything else as in your own words you were “so emotionally screwed up”. That she lied about her age doesn’t suggest that she was all that emotionally available either. You appear to be healing and letting go of your marriage and transitioning out of that painful period. She is part of that period. 

If I were in your shoes, I would let go for good in the romance department as you seem on the fence about her and distrustful. Why not expect more out of dates? I’d also explore other ways to boost your self-esteem. Volunteer, find new hobbies, rekindle old ones, spend time with real friends(the ones you don’t sleep with or have any confusion about). What else are you doing for yourself or working on? Heal on and move past this phase. 

Are you divorcing? If you haven’t made up your mind about this or divorced your ex yet, you’re in perpetual limbo and creating loops like this one or opportunities to keep staying stuck in unfulfilling or doubtful relationships.

Edited December 28, 2021 by glows