NC with kids

[StormCloud]

Just want to say thanks for everyone for their replies to my previous thread…. 

You guys helped me put a lot into perspective and as you know, love can be blind at times. When your heart wants to believe something and the person you love is telling you something, all logic goes out the window and your mind will bend it and twist it anyway possible to make it fit because it’s what you want to believe deep down. 

Apparently she’s contemplating moving with me when I go, which tells me the boyfriend isn’t as valuable as it may appear and her constant back and forth with what I mean to her versus him is pretty emotionally exhausting. 

I’ve decided to do NC to get my mental health and even my physical health back in tip top condition. I’m not making excuses for her because it’s never right to cheat but she probably lost interest in me right along the time I lost interest in myself. I quit being me somewhere down the line and she knew that. 

I’m not saying just because I went from being muscular and fit down to being 100 lbs overweight with hypertension and sleep apnea gave her a right to stop loving me, but it’s difficult to love someone that stops loving their self. My issues helped her screw me over. 

Im not suggesting NC as a form to get her back. I’m suggesting it so I can figure myself out and be who I want to be. If that leads to change of feelings between the two of us we will cross this bridge when we get there but either way, I am trying to be my best version which could potentially lead to something even better waiting down the line. 

My question is - how do I do NC with her? Clearly, she’s still attached to me in a lot of ways. She gets mad if I block her from Snapchat and she threatens to tell the court I’m being petty if I block her phone number. She never meets ME with the children.. she always takes them to my moms which is where we pick them up and drop them off at. 

She doesn’t like my mom though and complains saying that I need to communicate directly with her. I agree with this but she finds reasons to contact me EVERY… SINGLE… DAY. And even when I cut ties with her she always emails me from one of the kids emails or something or makes a new Snapchat begging me to talk to her telling me she misses talking to me. 

Part of me feels like she wants him now but me later on, which is what she often insinuates, but I don’t feel that’s a very fair game plan. My question is… how do I go about no contact with her when we have THREE kids together? We don’t meet to exchange them

She doesn’t miss me because I have spent six months now trying to fix our problems. I’m ready to walk away and work on myself. It’s difficult to do that when she is acting like we are still married. 

Help me figure something out here? 

[stillafool]

23 hours ago, StormCloud said:

 

I

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’ve decided to do NC to get my mental health and even my physical health back in tip top condition. I’m not making excuses for her because it’s never right to cheat but she probably lost interest in me right along the time I lost interest in myself. I quit being me somewhere down the line and she knew that. 

This is one of the best decisions you can make for your health and to get you back on track.  Don't excuse her cheating.  We all have our highs and lows in life even when we're married and that is when we need support from our partners not for them to run out and cheat.  That is selfishness.  You didn't cheat on her when she was pregnant did you? Sorry no excuses for infidelity.

I

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I'm not suggesting NC as a form to get her back. I’m suggesting it so I can figure myself out and be who I want to be. If that leads to change of feelings between the two of us we will cross this bridge when we get there but either way, I am trying to be my best version which could potentially lead to something even better waiting down the line. 

Again this is a great decsion and it will help you to be the best version of yourself which will lead to an amazing outcome.  She doesn't want you to become stronger because she knows she'll lose control over you.

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My question is - how do I do NC with her? Clearly, she’s still attached to me in a lot of ways. She gets mad if I block her from Snapchat and she threatens to tell the court I’m being petty if I block her phone number. She never meets ME with the children.. she always takes them to my moms which is where we pick them up and drop them off at. 

She doesn’t like my mom though and complains saying that I need to communicate directly with her. I agree with this but she finds reasons to contact me EVERY… SINGLE… DAY. And even when I cut ties with her she always emails me from one of the kids emails or something or makes a new Snapchat begging me to talk to her telling me she misses talking to me. 

 

First you're going to have to not care that she gets angry because you don't do as SHE wants you to.  You have to take back your power.  If your kids have access to reach you anytime they want that is all that matters.  Lucky that your mom is there to collect your kids for you so you don't have to see her.  You can set up some type of message phone for your wife to use for emergencies involving the kids or to call your mom.  That phone should only be for leaving messages and after you view the message you can then determine if it warrants a call back to your ex.  Good she doesn't like your mom and vice versa because that means she can't manipulate info from her about you.  Do not answer any emails from her and soon she'll stop.  Stop falling for her sad sob stories.

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Part of me feels like she wants him now but me later on, which is what she often insinuates, but I don’t feel that’s a very fair game plan. My question is… how do I go about no contact with her when we have THREE kids together? We don’t meet to exchange them

She doesn’t miss me because I have spent six months now trying to fix our problems. I’m ready to walk away and work on myself. It’s difficult to do that when she is acting like we are still married. 

 

 

She has figured out that she may love this other guy, but more than likely he likes banging her but isn't on board with taking her on with another man's kids.  That is why he's keeping his own place.  It would be costly for him to be with her and most men do not want to pay for anothe rman's kids but their own.  So she's keeping you around to run back to for financial and emotional support when he leaves. She isn't going to do all the things she does for you that she's doing for him if you do go back with her.  

[Wiseman2]

On 12/27/2021 at 6:20 PM, StormCloud said:

 she always takes them to my moms which is where we pick them up and drop them off at.

Is there court ordered supervised visitation? You don't need to be on each other's social media but you do need to co-parent so you can't block phones in the event of an emergency.

Edited December 29, 2021 by Wiseman2