My mom's verbally abusive boyfriend

[George9]

My mom's been dating this guy for over 10 years. Who is in general fun person to be around and had helped my mom with renovating her apartment and fixing other things.

However, I have always hated the fact how messy and irresponsible he is when it comes to regular day tasks. I've never seen him washing his own or other peoples plates, never cooked for my mom, or others and almost never does the shopping or help with washing clothes or cleaning the house.

As I said he almost never shops. But when he does all of the items he buys is his food which nobody can touch. But at the same time he could eat the whole chocolate bar that my mom got as a birthday present without even asking her for permission and don't feel sorry about it.

He drops me often sarcastic remarks about things, tries to make feel as if I am not clever enough. Basically tries to break me down for no specific reason.

I usually try not to argue and avoid any type of conflict because it wouldn't lead to anywhere good. I have talked to my mom several times and she showed concerns about his inadequate verbal behaviour towards me, and herself. His own children has already cut the contact with him due to some conflict in the past. 

Does any of this give you a hint what kind of mental/ behavioural issue he might be dealing with?

 

[basil67]

There's no dx that I've heard of which would explain this, and armchair diagnoses aren't much use anyway. I'd simply say he's lazy, selfish and rude.  

Why does your mother tolerate this behaviour from him?

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, George9 said:

 what kind of mental/ behavioural issue he might be dealing with?

Sorry this is happening. Do they live together? Do you live there?

How long have your parents been divorced? Are there other siblings who are concerned?

Is your mother happy? Does she complain to you about him?

You don't really need any sort of relationship with him, if he's just your mother's BF. If you live there, start looking for another place.

You really don't know what goes on behind closed doors and what your mother sees in him. Is he taking advantage of her financially or does he contribute?

There's no DSM diagnosis for disliking your mother's BF or his shopping habits, slovenliness or laziness.

Just be supportive of your mother and be open to being a good listener. Be cordial to him as long as your mother is dating him, but don't bother trying to have a relationship with him.

[Boobita]

13 hours ago, George9 said:

My mom's been dating this guy for over 10 years. Who is in general fun person to be around and had helped my mom with renovating her apartment and fixing other things.

However, I have always hated the fact how messy and irresponsible he is when it comes to regular day tasks. I've never seen him washing his own or other peoples plates, never cooked for my mom, or others and almost never does the shopping or help with washing clothes or cleaning the house.

As I said he almost never shops. But when he does all of the items he buys is his food which nobody can touch. But at the same time he could eat the whole chocolate bar that my mom got as a birthday present without even asking her for permission and don't feel sorry about it.

He drops me often sarcastic remarks about things, tries to make feel as if I am not clever enough. Basically tries to break me down for no specific reason.

I usually try not to argue and avoid any type of conflict because it wouldn't lead to anywhere good. I have talked to my mom several times and she showed concerns about his inadequate verbal behaviour towards me, and herself. His own children has already cut the contact with him due to some conflict in the past. 

Does any of this give you a hint what kind of mental/ behavioural issue he might be dealing with?

 

Whatever issue he has, do you think, you will be able to solve it? Instead of thinking about him or your mom, think about yourself, your life, get out of that place where you feel humiliated, build your own life....the way you want it to be....