Long distance relationship

[Serendipity83m]

I live a long distance relationship with a man who lives 600 miles from me. We are so much deeply in love and we even talked about marriage, about being together forever and even though we thought about breaking up because of our distance, we just can't because our love is like the air we breath. We need each other. I know that it may sound stupid but we are not teenagers, we have 40 yrs old and we are aware of all our difficulties and we recognize love.

I have a child and I can't move away for many reasons and he has an old mom to care of and he can't leave her alone because she can't take care of herself and he doesn't have sibilings. His mom doesn't want to move away which is understandable and I can't either... We can see each other once in a months and we never know if this would be possible in the future because of our jobs, our families... The only way we can be together is about him moving in my house and I want that to happen soon because I just need him and he needs me. 

I'm sure you may think that I still have the answer in the words I just wrote, but it's not that simple because love is so rare and I don't wanna give up because it's really hard. I would be a crazy coward and he doesn't want to give me up either. If his mother wouldn't be so sick and she would move here we could be together but I understand her needs.

My question is not really a question but I need to talk to someone who is living my situation and can truly understand. I'm lonely because nobody understand and I'm so scared that our dreams will never come true...however, if I stop trying, I may regret it forever.

Love is the most important thing in the world and I learn it from my ex-husband and from my parents who never loved each other. I'm not stupid but I recognize love, I can read my heart and my feelings are clear. We have no doubts about our love but...I want to be honest, I need somene to tell me that we may be together and happy in our future. Again, I'm not stupid but with him, I started beathing and living again and if I lose him, I believe I may die inside, just like him. We suffer our distance but we know that our future is not written yet and we fight for that.

Please, don't be mean or treat me like a stupid because I'm really going through a very hard moment. Some people told me that a long distance relationship is the most stupid thing to start, but we are just so right for each other and we love each other more than anything, we respect each other, we are loyal, we understand each other and we have faith... I find the man I've always been looking for but he lives too far. 

I need somene who can give me an advice or mabye a little hope or strenght.

Thank you for reading and for answering.

Thank you so much.

[ShatteredGlassHeart]

I understand how you feel completely. I just got out of a long distance relationship myself. We were the same, didn't care about the distance or what others thought, we were genuinely in love. But unfortunately as others had told me, and I didn't want to listen, it rarely works out due to one person finding someone closer to them. That's what happened to me and now I'm devastated. 

Although if you aren't afraid of getting hurt then go for it. The time I did get with him was worth more than anything. And you only live once. I really hope you both get your happy ending!

[BaileyB]

I’m curious to know if you have met this man in person?

[BaileyB]

On 12/29/2021 at 2:42 AM, Serendipity83m said:

our love is like the air we breath.

We need each other.

love is so rare and I don't wanna give up because it's really hard. 

Love is the most important thing in the world

I started beathing and living again and if I lose him, I believe I may die inside, just like him.

I’m always really leery of people who post and make statements like these. In most cases, people who make these statements are living in the fantasy they have created for themselves. And, the reason why they create a fantasy (particularly when they have never met or have never dated the other individual in person), is because they are very lonely and really struggling with life - such that they want to escape into a fantasy relationship. 

I’m sorry, I know this is not what you want to hear, but please be cautious here. There is a reason why long distance relationships are so difficult and fail so often - there are many barriers. Love does not overcome all. If you haven’t spent time with this man in person, you don’t actually know him. You know the things he has chosen to share about himself and the chances that you are  in love with a fantasy are very high. People come into our lives and they leave our lives - you can and you will be fine if this relationship does not work out.

You really need to think with your head, not only your heart. Particularly because you have a child - you can not fall in love with a man that you do not know (relationships develop over time and in person) and place them at risk of disrupting their lives and their safety because their mother lost their head over an internet romance with a stranger.

Quote

The only way we can be together is about him moving in my house

Another HUGE RED FLAG. Are you seriously considering moving him into your home with your child? Is so - how long have you known him and how much time have you spent together? What kind of a relationship has he built with your son? If, he moves into your home, you could be placing yourself and your child at risk. It would be most unwise!! If, he moves to be near you, it would be best for him to establish his own place of residence. You can allow your relationship (and his relationship with your child) time to grow. You protect your financial interests. You protect your child from a stranger (as we know children are at a higher risk of physical and sexual abuse from an individual who lives in the home and is not related to them).

Love is not so rare that you should place yourself and your child at risk. And if a relationship looks too good to be true, it usually is - 

Edited December 30, 2021 by BaileyB

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

I’m curious to know if you have met this man in person?

It seems they have:

On 12/29/2021 at 9:42 AM, Serendipity83m said:

We can see each other once in a months 

OP, can you clarify, how much time have you spent in person together? 

I agree with @BaileyB, do not go from having a long-distance relationship to him moving in (when and if the time comes) You would be far wiser to date each other locally for a bit and see how that actually goes before making such a big step to living together. 

I also agree that you're getting too emotionally dependent on this man, and that is a risk. All this talk about needing him like you need air to breathe and dying inside without him  is not necessarily a sign of love but desperation. It is important to keep perspective and not overdo it, especially when the relationship is so young. So while long-distance relationships do sometimes work out, nobody here can do this for you:

On 12/29/2021 at 9:42 AM, Serendipity83m said:

I need somene to tell me that we may be together and happy in our future

The logistics of this are complicated, and unless something drastic happens, he won't be able to come to you as long as his mom is around. It would be unreasonable and unfair to uproot her, so I think you can expect the long-distance to continue for as long as she is alive. 

[BaileyB]

36 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It seems they have:

That statement was rather vague and unclear. When she says they can “see each other once in a months” is that past, present, future? If they have met in person, there are other questions - how long they have known each other, how much time have they spent together, has this individual has met her child - many questions that would benefit from clarification. 

We get the point OP that you are, as has been said above, desperately in love with the man. What’s less clear is how well you know him and how well you have vetted this man - who you say you are desperate to move into your home. 

Assuming that you have met this man and spent time together in real life, I’m still very leery of any individual who makes as many grandiose statements as you have in your post. It does speak of desperation. And decisions born out of desperation, loneliness, unrealistic expectations, this fantasy belief that love conquers all when two people are meant to be together tend usually not to be wise decisions. 

 

Edited December 30, 2021 by BaileyB

[Serendipity83m]

2 hours ago, BaileyB said:

I’m curious to know if you have met this man in person?