Am I wrong for setting this boundary?

[LotusAvx]

I have been trying to get my third dose of the covid vaccine and there has been a shortage. I ended up finding one for January 12, but my best friend texted me saying that she booked an appointment for me and to be there at a certain time. I responded saying “I know you had good intentions booking that, and it’s not the act of doing so that I am upset about, but I feel like you overstepped a boundary by booking it on my behalf. I appreciate it but I wish you didn’t interfere with health related stuff without my permission.” 
 

She already knew that I had booked an appointment for January 12 and booked a day off of work for it. She also wanted me to come over to her house on New Year’s Eve only on the condition that I got a third vaccination. After I told her how I felt about the boundary being overstepped, she lashed out and said horrible things to me about how I am ungrateful, selfish and a terrible friend and playing the victim card. We have had issues like this before and I have had trouble in the past setting boundaries with people. I have been practicing having strong boundaries with people but I am still learning to not second guess myself and to feel confident that I did the right thing. Did I do the right thing? I didn’t respond to any of her mean comments about me and kept my composure. Not really sure where to go from here. 

[Cersei]

I think you did go a little overboard. She meant well.

I would simply have said "Oh thanks but I have my appointment booked already" and left it at that.  

It sounds to me like you two need some space from each other. Then you will either appreciate each other more or realize your friendship isn't so strong.

[Alpacalia]

I'm wondering why she thought it might be helpful if she booked the appointment on your behalf even though you already had an appointment? Have you any idea why she might have gone ahead with that? Have you taken the day off from work or has she?

In more of a concern friend capacity, it kind of sounds like she acted on the assumption that if you received your vaccination sooner then you might be able to attend her NYE party (since she specified it being on the condition that you would have already received your third vaccination).

Edited December 29, 2021 by Alpaca

[Foxhall]

10 hours ago, LotusAvx said:

She also wanted me to come over to her house on New Year’s Eve only on the condition that I got a third vaccination.

this was it really- there is always some self motivation,

Nonetheless ,Id be inclined to feel grateful that she wants your company and feel humbled rather than angry over it,

but Im not saying you were wrong to say what you said either, 

It can be a tricky enough thing these boundaries in friendships,

maybe your not that keen on her company when its all said and done?

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, LotusAvx said:

, she lashed out and said horrible things to me about how I am ungrateful, selfish and a terrible friend and playing the victim card. We have had issues like this before 

Sorry this happened. Distance yourself from this friend. It's too fraught with conflicts.

[ShyViolet]

On 12/29/2021 at 4:43 PM, LotusAvx said:

I responded saying “I know you had good intentions booking that, and it’s not the act of doing so that I am upset about, but I feel like you overstepped a boundary by booking it on my behalf. I appreciate it but I wish you didn’t interfere with health related stuff without my permission.” 

I think this was a little over the top and overdramatic.  You could have simply said, "I appreciate you trying to help, but I already made my appointment, and I'll be keeping the appointment that I made."

However, if she's lashing out, saying horrible things to you and calling you names then it's really probably time to end this friendship.  You don't need friends like that.

[basil67]

 Setting a boundary wasn't wrong, but your delivery was awful.  Have you been dealing with her overstepping boundaries for years and years and this was the proverbial straw?  Or was this the first time you've ever had to establish a boundary with her?  

 

 

[spiderowl]

I think you did the right thing. She should not have booked you an appointment without your permission.

There are probably nicer ways to draw boundaries with friends, like saying 'Thanks, but I have booked my own appointment.'  It all depends on whether you care if the relationship continues or not.

[glows]

 

On 12/29/2021 at 1:43 PM, LotusAvx said:

,she lashed out and said horrible things to me about how I am ungrateful, selfish and a terrible friend and playing the victim card. We have had issues like this before and I have had trouble in the past setting boundaries with people.

That’s the root of it. Leave her alone. She doesn’t respect you. It’s why she took it upon herself to book you an appointment and the reason why she treats you like a child. She could have asked you first.