Why did he do this? Should I block him?

[glows]

1 minute ago, carliciaaaa said:

I ve left it already. I'm just annoyed that he isn't removing me when he's already cut me off. I don't know what to do like whether block or hide my last seen and because he's not my contact anymore, he can't see when I'm online. Hence he will probably get the message that I have removed him and he should do it too if he actually cyber stalks me.

Mute his contact and leave it be. You’re annoyed and hurt because he isn’t what you want him to be. You are the one checking his every move or appearing stalkerish. I say this with tact and care. Don’t jump to conclusions. Just remain cordial on campus or school and say you’re busy or have to go if you run into him. 

[carliciaaaa]

5 minutes ago, glows said:

Mute his contact and leave it be. You’re annoyed and hurt because he isn’t what you want him to be. You are the one checking his every move or appearing stalkerish. I say this with tact and care. Don’t jump to conclusions. Just remain cordial on campus or school and say you’re busy or have to go if you run into him. 

I deleted him so he's no longer there on Whatsapp. 

I do admit I'm very disappointed and a bit sad because he seemed like this thoughtful, quiet introverted guy but then he just turned out to be like everyone else who talks big but their actions show otherwise. I really enjoyed spending time with him so maybe that's why I feel sad but anyway. I guess blocking is the best option for me ?

[glows]

Just now, carliciaaaa said:

I deleted him so he's no longer there on Whatsapp. 

I do admit I'm very disappointed and a bit sad because he seemed like this thoughtful, quiet introverted guy but then he just turned out to be like everyone else who talks big but their actions show otherwise. I really enjoyed spending time with him so maybe that's why I feel sad but anyway. I guess blocking is the best option for me ?

Yes, if you feel that this is the most appropriate do so without hesitation.

The reason I suggested muting his contact is because you’re in a high state of emotion, very disappointed and upset. You also see this person at school or may run into him. If you feel you will do your best not to have any interaction with him again and your reasons are based lack of respect, don’t feel you’ll ever cross paths, then delete and block the contact. There is no reason to hang onto people whom you can’t respect or ever want to cross paths with. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, carliciaaaa said:

I don't know what to do like whether block or hide my last seen and because he's not my contact anymore, he can't see when I'm online. 

Yes delete and block him from all messaging apps and social media. Reset all your privacy settings so only people you know and like can see your content and activity.

Edited December 30, 2021 by Wiseman2

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, I think you need to block him. You're driving yourself nuts over it. 

He likely just hasn't cleaned out his What's App and that's why your number is still there. You're reading way too much into him keeping it. I have a lot of old numbers in mine that I just never bothered deleting. It means nothing more than that, because I don't assign any importance to those numbers. 

You're assigning malicious intent when there likely is none. He just doesn't care that much, to be blunt. 

[carliciaaaa]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Yes, I think you need to block him. You're driving yourself nuts over it. 

He likely just hasn't cleaned out his What's App and that's why your number is still there. You're reading way too much into him keeping it. I have a lot of old numbers in mine that I just never bothered deleting. It means nothing more than that, because I don't assign any importance to those numbers. 

You're assigning malicious intent when there likely is none. He just doesn't care that much, to be blunt. 

You can't clean your Whatsapp because those are actual chats. He has to delete my number and then chat if he wants me gone.

And if someone doesn't care, they delete it. I did delete it and blocked him. Simple.

[carliciaaaa]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yes delete and block him from all messaging apps and social media. Reset all your privacy settings so only people you know and like can see your content and activity.

Yeah I blocked him.

[carliciaaaa]

4 hours ago, glows said:

Yes, if you feel that this is the most appropriate do so without hesitation.

The reason I suggested muting his contact is because you’re in a high state of emotion, very disappointed and upset. You also see this person at school or may run into him. If you feel you will do your best not to have any interaction with him again and your reasons are based lack of respect, don’t feel you’ll ever cross paths, then delete and block the contact. There is no reason to hang onto people whom you can’t respect or ever want to cross paths with. 

I mean I will end up seeing him at school but I'm just fed up of a random keeping my number so finally blocked him.

[ExpatInItaly]

8 minutes ago, carliciaaaa said:

And if someone doesn't care, they delete it. I did delete it and blocked him. Simple.

Well, no, because not everyone thinks the way you do. 

You are making the mistake of assuming he would behave the way you do. Clearly, he does not. 

You're stressing too much over something meaningless. 

[ExpatInItaly]

11 minutes ago, carliciaaaa said:

He has to delete my number and then chat if he wants me gone.

I don't follow what you mean. If you've deleted and blocked him, how do you know he still has your number?

 

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, carliciaaaa said:

He has to delete my number and then chat if he wants me gone.

You mean he actually has to chat with you to delete your number?  Why would he want to do that?

[basil67]

6 hours ago, carliciaaaa said:

And if someone doesn't care, they delete it. I did delete it and blocked him. Simple.

This is what I mean about you not being owed anything.  His phone is his phone and he can have whatever he wants on it.  

Loads of people have a lot of dead wood in their phone/social media contacts.  Some clean them out and others don't.   If you're worried about boys keeping your number, don't give your number to them.

[glows]

10 hours ago, carliciaaaa said:

I mean I will end up seeing him at school but I'm just fed up of a random keeping my number so finally blocked him.

That sounds for the best. Do what you feel is best for you. 

Usually people don’t keep track of numbers like this but it clearly matters to you so get rid of him completely if it helps you move on. There is no point depending on someone else to give you peace of mind. If you can achieve that on your own, do so. 

[spiderowl]

On 12/29/2021 at 10:54 PM, carliciaaaa said:

Hi. This is something I need to get off my chest and need advice. I am very sorry if this is too long 

I am a postgraduate student at university and since mid September, I noticed a guy (whom I had seen before a few times) staring at me each time he saw me. I was not interested in him at first because he isn't my type so never paid much attention. Until I saw him photocopying and he looked cute. Though I will admit that the whole aura around him was a bit unsettling because I couldn't sleep for days, thinking about how stern/scary his whole demeanor looked while he just stood there, photocopying.

I saw him again while I was going home near the train station and once again, I noticed that he kept staring at me before he turned for the other direction. This whole staring game continued with each time I saw him, whether he was smoking outside or crossing paths with me, he would blatantly stare at me. 

He has no friends at university or he chooses not to speak to anyone as he's always alone, either smoking or sometimes he talks to his fellow coursemates and that's it. One of his coursemates (whom I told that I like him) said that he's already seeing someone and its in early stages of dating/not serious. Then she proceeded to tell me that how she tried to speak to him multiple times but he wouldn't talk to her and at one event, had ignored her whilst speaking to other students.

After hearing this, I dropped the idea of approaching him but his staring continued and he made it explicitly obvious, turning to look, staring at me from across the courtyard etc. I finally thought I would just introduce myself because he was clearly not going to approach me.

When I did approach him, he looked scared at first but later relaxed. Though I noticed that he looked up and down whilst we were talking (around my boobs/bottom area). I asked him if he has any social media and he proceeded to give me his number. I messaged him in 20 mins and he was instantly online. The same day, he looked me up on google as I saw his account on my academia and researchgate as profile visitor to my page. He replied to the message after several hours, saying he will see me in a few days. To add, his Whatsapp last seen was open only to his contacts but he made it public because he had not saved my number. I can attest this as my friend checked and his last seen was visible to her too.

For a week we didn't text. This he was online, on some days disappearing at 6 or 7pm and only coming online the next day.

I finally sent him a message asking if he's free, we can meet up. He replied the next day, late evening saying he's sorry for the late reply and how he's happy to see me for a coffee or drink. We agreed to meet the next day.

The first date itself was pretty nice. Though he wanted to hug me straightaway when I came to see him. We had coffee and he paid for my drink. We talked a lot and it was really nice tbh as both of us shared a lot of common beliefs and values. However, there were a few things he said like :

-I'm olive skinned (half brown half white) but my skintone isn't white and he told me that he loved Brighton during summer as it's a different world there during summer and you are a "bit more brown" with a cheeky smile. He also had a brown girlfriend when he was doing his undergrad.

- we were talking about how going by the sea is calming and relaxing and initially he was like yeah but now it's so cold and windy. Then he suddenly said how his friend has an empty cottage in Wales and he would like to take a break for a week there with me. He asked me three times and I said yes at that time.

- then he also asked me when my birthday was and I told him 29 Dec and he was like mine is on 29 Jan so now you will remember. He asked my age and it turned out that he's 5 years younger than me.

I didn't have any problems and he seemed like he was fine with it too. We finished our date and headed back to campus (he smoked both times, while going to the cafe and returning to campus) and then mentioned that after getting some work done, he ll head over to his female friends house who has a boyfriend. When we were parting , he held me pretty tightly and was looking at me really lovingly. We hugged but I couldn't kiss him because it was our first date of just getting to know each other and I was still hesitant over what our mutual friend had told me that he seeing another girl.

I messaged him directly that I loved seeing him and he replied saying he hopes to see me next week.

I messaged him on Monday and his attitude had changed. He did come to see me twice, giving me really affectionate hugs but his attitude was cold. He changed his Christmas and New Years plans, wasn't talking much and I was really struggling to continue because his actions was appearing like he didn't want to see me romantically because of our age difference (he's 25, I'm 30). I also noticed that whilst I was talking, he was looking at my legs (I was wearing sheer tights). Then he mentioned that he went on a lunch with his female friend on Saturday. We were talking about his nationality and suddenly he pointed across the room towards a girl who was wearing a crop top , saying how she's from his country and how he's not a creep and is only mentioning her because he saw her on the bus with her parents, speaking his language.

I was really struggling to ask him where this was headed as his demeanor was different so by the end of the meeting, he came with me outside when I was leaving, smoked and then hugged me, saying he ll see me in a few days. Based on his attitude, I didn't message him that night.

I did see him leaving the next day and waved at him while I aas chatting with a friend. I messaged him the following day, letting him know of something that happened at uni but he didn't reply. The next week, I asked him if he was free then let me know. He didn't reply but I saw him in person where he first waved and winked at me. Then came over saying he was going to reply and how he's made tea and he's going out for a cigarette.  I told him even he's available then let me know. 

He never replied even though he was continously online and would routinely dissapear in the evening. I didn't message him after that because I felt I didn't want to look needy.

He didn't message me again but still has my number saved in his Whatsapp as I can see his last seen. My friend checked and she can no longer see it. Anyways, I deleted his number and our chats because it made no sense. He could have just said he's busy and will let me know when he's free and never follow it up or just say we can only be friends. But he left me on read and just disappeared.

At this point what should I do? I feel like I was fetished based on his brown comments and then ghosted without any explanation. Should I just block him and forget about this?

I'm not angry or mad  I just feel sad over this as we shared so much in common.

 

I doubt this was anything to do with your colour.  He is just not that interested.  You chased him, after all.  OK he might have stared but you interpreted that as some kind of interest in you.  

It is probably that he is seeing someone else (as you thought he was) and daren't take it any further at this time.  He seems to have decided it is not a good idea to get involved with you at this point. 

If you message a guy and he does not respond, that is a clear signal from him that he is not interested/does not care about you.  Why persist in that case?  It sounds like you have been pursuing him all along and he is probably seeing someone else.  Yes, you had a date where you met (did he see this as a date or friends meeting?) and he was friendly during that date, but something has changed since then.

I would think he is in another serious or semi-serious relationship and he responded to your interest in him but then thought he would not ruin his present relationship.  Please do not pursue a guy who is not showing interest.  If he wanted to be with you, he would be responding to messages and suggesting meet-ups.  He is not doing this.

Blocking him is an option if it hurts you to see him online and for him not to respond to you.  As you seem to have a crush on him, it will probably help if you do not have him 'in your face' on social media all the time.

Edited January 5, 2022 by spiderowl

[spiderowl]

On 12/30/2021 at 11:09 PM, carliciaaaa said:

You can't clean your Whatsapp because those are actual chats. He has to delete my number and then chat if he wants me gone.

And if someone doesn't care, they delete it. I did delete it and blocked him. Simple.

He probably doesn't care which is why he does not feel it is important to delete it.  You only delete messages or contacts that bother you in some way.  You are someone who liked him so why would he want to delete you?  On the other hand, he is someone who hurt you so you are focused on it all the more.  I would not waste your time and energy on his WhatsApp.  Remove him from yours if it makes you feel better.

[carliciaaaa]

Update 

 

 

[carliciaaaa]

Update to this situation. I had blocked him but then unblocked him. He didn't find out as he wasn't online at night when I blocked and unblocked.

However, I stopped texting him completely. I did not wish him during Christmas or New Years. No spoken terms.

However,he was coming to university after 1st Jan and a friend who studies in the same room as him and uses the staff room said that he was overhearing my conversation with a friend. He suddenly passed by us too,shocking us.

He definitely overheard a little bit. After that, the friend I was talking to said that on 2-3 occasions he observed her when he saw her. I also caught him staring at me when I was sitting outside and talking to a friend.

However, a few days ago,while going upstairs, I bumped into him and he was like hey how are you, how's life, how he's busy and then bye.

I bumped into him again and again he was like hey how are you, I ll see you soon etc. When I was leaving, he waved at me too.

However, he still doesn't text me and I am.not going to text him. I am getting really fed up of this and have started avoiding going outside of the library just to avoid bumping into him. He's coming to uni way more frequently than he was and is using all the main areas too. However, I don't understand what to say to him as I'm unhappy with him and don't wish to talk to him.

Why is he doing this? When he ghosted me and had no decency to even reply back, why all this pretense? 

Edited January 18, 2022 by carliciaaaa

[stillafool]

Why is he doing what?  Being friendly?  That is all I'm seeing from the way he interacts with you.  Yes he's had plenty of opportunity to ask to see you, take you on a date but it's always "how're ya doing", "see ya later" with this guy.  I don't think he's pretending he's just put you in the friend zone.

[carliciaaaa]

On 1/5/2022 at 9:03 AM, spiderowl said:

I doubt this was anything to do with your colour.  He is just not that interested.  You chased him, after all.  OK he might have stared but you interpreted that as some kind of interest in you.  

It is probably that he is seeing someone else (as you thought he was) and daren't take it any further at this time.  He seems to have decided it is not a good idea to get involved with you at this point. 

If you message a guy and he does not respond, that is a clear signal from him that he is not interested/does not care about you.  Why persist in that case?  It sounds like you have been pursuing him all along and he is probably seeing someone else.  Yes, you had a date where you met (did he see this as a date or friends meeting?) and he was friendly during that date, but something has changed since then.

I would think he is in another serious or semi-serious relationship and he responded to your interest in him but then thought he would not ruin his present relationship.  Please do not pursue a guy who is not showing interest.  If he wanted to be with you, he would be responding to messages and suggesting meet-ups.  He is not doing this.

Blocking him is an option if it hurts you to see him online and for him not to respond to you.  As you seem to have a crush on him, it will probably help if you do not have him 'in your face' on social media all the time.

I didn't chase him. He was explicitly staring at me even when we were alone. He saw this as a date and even said he wants a vacation with me to a coastal city.  Also he's not I a serious or semi serious relationship. 

And now he's pulling yet another stunt after I stopped texting him.

[carliciaaaa]

9 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Why is he doing what?  Being friendly?  That is all I'm seeing from the way he interacts with you.  Yes he's had plenty of opportunity to ask to see you, take you on a date but it's always "how're ya doing", "see ya later" with this guy.  I don't think he's pretending he's just put you in the friend zone.

We aren't friends and I wasnt talking to him. He came up and started talking to me. He had already ghosted me by not replying. He has no reason to chat with me after he didn't reply to my message after the date. Have you even read the whole thread?

Edited January 18, 2022 by carliciaaaa

[glows]

You may be reacting to his creepiness in general and the way he behaved early on, not just the fact that he wasn't interested or didn't message you. 

I have a feeling anything you say may be used against you and he seemed unreliable and shifty when you were together. He seems like a wart or a bad rash. When you think you've gotten rid of him, he keeps coming back. I'm sorry you had this experience and that you still have to be around him. Leave him alone and talk with your other friends. He'll get the message when you give him the cold shoulder. I would not associate with this person at all. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, carliciaaaa said:

a few days ago,while going upstairs, I bumped into him and he was like hey how are you, how's life, how he's busy and then bye. I bumped into him again and again he was like hey how are you, I ll see you soon etc. When I was leaving, he waved at me too.

 When he ghosted me and had no decency to even reply back, why all this pretense? 

He's being civil and friendly that's all. Do the same and that's it. However since you're not interested in him, delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps so you can move on.

 Instead of worrying about his actions, etc., invest your time in getting a good profile and pics on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men who don't give you the creeps or whose words/actions you don't need to decipher.

[carliciaaaa]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He's being civil and friendly that's all. Do the same and that's it. However since you're not interested in him, delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps so you can move on.

 Instead of worrying about his actions, etc., invest your time in getting a good profile and pics on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men who don't give you the creeps or whose words/actions you don't need to decipher.

I doubt this has anything with being civil. If he was civil he would at least reply to my message saying he's busy and will let me know bla bla.

He never did. He was not even coming to uni much because he was probably chasing other women.

This change is only after I stopped texting him.

[carliciaaaa]

31 minutes ago, glows said:

You may be reacting to his creepiness in general and the way he behaved early on, not just the fact that he wasn't interested or didn't message you. 

I have a feeling anything you say may be used against you and he seemed unreliable and shifty when you were together. He seems like a wart or a bad rash. When you think you've gotten rid of him, he keeps coming back. I'm sorry you had this experience and that you still have to be around him. Leave him alone and talk with your other friends. He'll get the message when you give him the cold shoulder. I would not associate with this person at all. 

I'm already trying to avoid all routes which he frequents. I ve spoken to some and he keeps observing them.

[vla1120]

3 hours ago, carliciaaaa said:

Why is he doing this? When he ghosted me and had no decency to even reply back, why all this pretense? 

He's flaky. If he does have a girlfriend, then he is cheating on her. You had red flags in the beginning about him looking scary and creepy. I'd take a hard pass on him.