What can I do in return, when a man pays everything for me?

[Pandaeyes]

As all the boyfriends I had struggled to make money, I always split the bill or even helped them financially occasionally.

 

A couple of year ago for the first time I had this boyfriend who paid everything for me. It was like a dream for me to have a man who finally takes care of me. But I didn't want to look greedy or was using him for money, I always did something in return like cooking for him, giving him little gifts, offered to pay once in a while. But now I felt like I sabotaged him to try to be a gentleman. His ex-girlfriend let him pay everything and I think he liked that. He seemed awkward especially when I offered to pay. And now I think that's the reason the relationship didn't work out.

Now I'm dating with a new guy who also pays everything for me. His ex-wife was a housewife and he said if he is married he is going to be a provider, he seems to like that way. He has a great job and seems to have no worry about his money.

But since I don't have experiences of being a woman who is treated this way I really don't know what to do.

 

Any suggestions how I should behave with this type of man? Should I still offer to pay once in a while? Or just pay for his drinks when we go to a bar? 

Or just let him pay for everything and do other things in return like cooking?

How about if we travel, like air fares, hotels?

Do you think the things I did for my ex-boyfriend a little too much? 

 

It's really not about money. I'm a single mom but I work and I have enough money to make my own living. 

But if a man feels great by providing and makes effort to take care of his woman, I would like to respect him. At the same time I don't want to look like I'm spoiled or rude, or taking it for granted.

 

Please let me know your thoughts. 

[stillafool]

Are you dating a married man?  If not you are in the Other Woman/forum which is for women who are in affairs with married men.  If you are dating a divorced man your post should be in the Dating forum.

[S2B]

You should still buy him thoughtful gifts.

do things for him that make him feel special. It’s not hard - if you are paying attention to what he prefers.

[glows]

Let him pay. He may take a chunk and you do the rest. Or, pay for the next trip. He can buy food for example. 

Buy things where you see there’s a need and help him out when he doesn’t ask. Don’t be nervous. 

Avoid being a maid service please. Don’t do his laundry and cook every day because you feel bad about him paying. Some days he can cook. Look to doing these activities together as a couple.

[flitzanu]

as a moderate gentleman who enjoys paying for dates, i can't imagine any reason that a relationship would be "sabotaged" by you wanting to pay for something.  there has to be more to it than that.

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, Pandaeyes said:

But if a man feels great by providing and makes effort to take care of his woman, I would like to respect him.

If it’s about respect, then I would expect him to respect me as I insist on paying my own way. There are ways that you can share costs - he can pay for the meal or the movie tickets if he likes, but I will buy the occasional meal, I will get him coffee, or pay for the popcorn at the movies, or treat him in other special ways. 

You are still dating - he should not be financially supporting you. That includes travel costs (I would pay my own way and share the cost of accommodation), bills, etc… Particularly if he is supporting an ex wife and possibly children - he should not be financially supporting a girlfriend. 

Of course, it’s nice to treat each other in special ways when you are in a relationship. It feels good for him and nice for you when he takes you out for a meal and picks up the bill. But, I would never expect that a man to financially support me - not even when we are married. It wouldn’t matter what he expects, it’s not going to happen. 

 

Edited December 30, 2021 by BaileyB

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Pandaeyes said:

Now I'm dating with a new guy who also pays everything for me. His ex-wife was a housewife. I'm a single mom but I work and I have enough money to make my own living. 

How long have you been dating? Is there a significant income differential? You posted this in "other woman" Is he still married?

Be gracious and reciprocate in other ways if grabbing the check is awkward.

[smackie9]

Just keep your money out of the equation. He put it out there that he wants to be a provider, so if he pays for dates/trips that's fine. Just don't let him get involved with your household finances. Also be weary of some men claiming to wanting to pay for everything. If at any time he asks to borrow money, that's when you run. Most con artists start out as showing they have money, only to make you their next victim.