Mother of my child left me

[Daddycool]

Hey guys it’s kinda a long story but need some help/advice. My childhood sweetheart of ten years left me just over a year ago for a guy she was emotionally cheating with sending nudes while I was working. We’d been together almost 10 years we were our first everything we currently have a 3 year old son together and I’m finding this really hard to deal with. 
we had a great relationship for the most part untill her parents split up her mum was having an affair and my parents split up at the same time. It resulted in my dads suicide we both found him hanging in my flat we got to start our family in. As a result our son was born not even 24hrs later a couple weeks prior to that we were told he wouldent survive. After my dad died I changed massivly I was smoking lots of cannabis I didn’t go out turned out to be very short tempered and snappy I did say so bad things out of angry and I took it out on her I lost contact with my entire family. I used her as my punching bag to be brutally honest. One night we had an argument then next morning I woke up and her and my son were gone I had no idea where they were and if they were safe. 8 months later I found out she had been talking to this guy for a couple months online this guy was someone neither of us knew and she was sending naked pictures while I was working trying to provide for our family I lost every job I had after my dad my life went so downhill. I’m on the mend now stopped smoking cannabis and cigarettes got a stable job but I’m really missing her and my son Still I don’t really know what to do I’d love for us to work this out but it’s been over a year now and she’s seems kinda happy I guess. She’s still being very bitter and sour about everything I’ve tried to say sorry and tell her what I’d do for my family but nothings good enough I feel I’ve lost my little family forever I see my son every other weekend and it kills me to see him go all he says is he hates her bf and wants to live with me but she dosent care it just seems to be all about her and her feeling with no regard to my son. Any help would be really good if there’s anything else you want know please feel free to ask me 

[S2B]

Work with a professional on your anger issues. No gal will stay and put up with abuse.

focus on that as well as providing your child a stable home life. 
 

so that your priorities. Anger management, child and work work work.

[glows]

Be a good father and accept that the relationship is finished.

To continue pursuing her is disrespectful. Saying sorry doesn’t erase the past and she is entitled not to want to be with you. Some behaviours can’t be forgiven or forgotten. As soon as you realize that and respect that you may find that you both may at least have a civil and workable relationship coparenting your son together. 

I am sorry to hear about your father. Grief counselling may help you as it helped me. Be good to yourself and move past this relationship. Speak to someone about the loss of your loved one. There is never any shame in seeking help. Your ex is NOT that help. She has a right to move on with her life without you. 

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Suicide can run in families along with the mental health problems that are associated with it.

All you can do is be there for your child and be the best dad you can be.

Make sure you stick to court ordered child support for him and stick to a consistent organized custody and visitation schedule.

[Daddycool]

5 hours ago, glows said:

Be a good father and accept that the relationship is finished.

To continue pursuing her is disrespectful. Saying sorry doesn’t erase the past and she is entitled not to want to be with you. Some behaviours can’t be forgiven or forgotten. As soon as you realize that and respect that you may find that you both may at least have a civil and workable relationship coparenting your son together. 

I am sorry to hear about your father. Grief counselling may help you as it helped me. Be good to yourself and move past this relationship. Speak to someone about the loss of your loved one. There is never any shame in seeking help. Your ex is NOT that help. She has a right to move on with her life without you. 

My parenting has got better we do a lot more together as farther and son than we ever did. I haven’t chased her for a long time I did at first who wouldent chase to try be a proper family unit then I found out about the cheating and and backed off complety, recently she got pretty nasty because I couldn't take time off work she saw that as being difficult and was calling me a pathetic little prick saying I don’t pay enough child support and I care about my son a little bit of I’d do so much more. I pay child support I have my set on set weekends I buy him clothes, take him on days out around London I do everything I can for that boy but because something didn’t go her way she gets horrible. I just want her to leave me alone I do still have feelings for her but in no way am I chasing her she would have to come to me. I’m just sick of her bullshit I feel bad for my son stuck in all of this he’s the real victim.

[Daddycool]

7 hours ago, S2B said:

Work with a professional on your anger issues. No gal will stay and put up with abuse.

focus on that as well as providing your child a stable home life. 
 

so that your priorities. Anger management, child and work work work.

In a strange way I agree with the breakup it made me realise my issues I’ve finished my therapy, come off anti depressants no drugs no alcohol work Monday to Friday I’ve learnt to deal with my Emotions in a more positive way but cheating is wrong how can you run away from 10 years and a child to some other guy you don’t even know. I believe if you start a family at least try to make it work as best as you can.

[glows]

2 hours ago, Daddycool said:

My parenting has got better we do a lot more together as farther and son than we ever did. I haven’t chased her for a long time I did at first who wouldent chase to try be a proper family unit then I found out about the cheating and and backed off complety, recently she got pretty nasty because I couldn't take time off work she saw that as being difficult and was calling me a pathetic little prick saying I don’t pay enough child support and I care about my son a little bit of I’d do so much more. I pay child support I have my set on set weekends I buy him clothes, take him on days out around London I do everything I can for that boy but because something didn’t go her way she gets horrible. I just want her to leave me alone I do still have feelings for her but in no way am I chasing her she would have to come to me. I’m just sick of her bullshit I feel bad for my son stuck in all of this he’s the real victim.

Do what you have to do for your son and will reiterate about being a good dad. Do your best. Avoid her when you know she’s verbally abusive. This is infinitely more reason to leave the relationship in the past and only focus on your son.

When you’re feeling down about things turn to friends, upgrade your skills for work (other certifications or opportunities?), continue finding constructive ways to move forwards. 

[Daddycool]

3 hours ago, glows said:

Do what you have to do for your son and will reiterate about being a good dad. Do your best. Avoid her when you know she’s verbally abusive. This is infinitely more reason to leave the relationship in the past and only focus on your son.

When you’re feeling down about things turn to friends, upgrade your skills for work (other certifications or opportunities?), continue finding constructive ways to move forwards. 

I’ve just completely stopped taking to her now I’ve said to only contact me if my son wants to speak which never happens or there an emergency I’ve been walked all over from asking for money then spending it in the pub to constant asking for favours and when I tell her ask your family or your bf she says it’s not there place. It certainly isent mine my only duty is to look after and provide for my son which I do.

[Goodguy05]

14 hours ago, Daddycool said:

My parenting has got better we do a lot more together as farther and son than we ever did. I haven’t chased her for a long time I did at first who wouldent chase to try be a proper family unit then I found out about the cheating and and backed off complety, recently she got pretty nasty because I couldn't take time off work she saw that as being difficult and was calling me a pathetic little prick saying I don’t pay enough child support and I care about my son a little bit of I’d do so much more. I pay child support I have my set on set weekends I buy him clothes, take him on days out around London I do everything I can for that boy but because something didn’t go her way she gets horrible. I just want her to leave me alone I do still have feelings for her but in no way am I chasing her she would have to come to me. I’m just sick of her bullshit I feel bad for my son stuck in all of this he’s the real victim.

U should block her on most apps and make an arrangement court ordered for drop off and pick up and make it clear that the only comms U want from her is about arrangement for your son 

[Daddycool]

6 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

U should block her on most apps and make an arrangement court ordered for drop off and pick up and make it clear that the only comms U want from her is about arrangement for your son 

I’ve blocked her on WhatsApp and within 24hrs she changed her picture to her and her bf my first thought was she was trying to make me jealous? I’ve left txt messages open but said only for emergency or if my son wants to speak which he never does anymore. I feel stupid because I still have strong feelings for her but know I shouldent I don’t know what else I can do I just hope as she grows up she’s 24 currently she’s understands I was going through a really bad time in my life. What I did wasent right but it also wasent my normal self and she knows that. I just wish she gave me some time to figure this out rather than cheating and running off with my kid and some guy it hurts so badly. Even after a year my suffering hasn't gotten much easier I miss him so much it’s killing me. His face lights up when he sees me he never wants to go home I couldent afford to take her to court.

[glows]

It’s not about her anymore. This is more about you and your journey in the next chapter forwards. You have to figure out a way to let go of that bitterness. Live your best life forwards. 

[Goodguy05]

7 minutes ago, Daddycool said:

I’ve blocked her on WhatsApp and within 24hrs she changed her picture to her and her bf my first thought was she was trying to make me jealous? I’ve left txt messages open but said only for emergency or if my son wants to speak which he never does anymore. I feel stupid because I still have strong feelings for her but know I shouldent I don’t know what else I can do I just hope as she grows up she’s 24 currently she’s understands I was going through a really bad time in my life. What I did wasent right but it also wasent my normal self and she knows that. I just wish she gave me some time to figure this out rather than cheating and running off with my kid and some guy it hurts so badly. Even after a year my suffering hasn't gotten much easier I miss him so much it’s killing me. His face lights up when he sees me he never wants to go home I couldent afford to take her to court.

I don't think she was trying to make you jealous more so you wounded her ego by blocking so it was to take a swipe back at you.

 

I still think about my ex and have feelings not as intense mind you five yrs after our breakup I get it no need to think something is wrong with you takes a long time. We all heal differently and at a different pace. Some heal faster than others some don't. Not sure why that is to be honest I guess some people are better at putting the past behind them and playing that loop in there head. 

Edited January 3, 2022 by Goodguy05

[Daddycool]

7 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

I don't think she was trying to make you jealous more so you wounded her ego by blocking so it was to take a swipe back at you.

 

I still think about my ex and have feelings not as intense mind you five yrs after our breakup I get it no need to think something is wrong with you takes a long time. We all heal differently and at a different pace. Some heal faster than others some don't. Not sure why that is to be honest I guess some people are better at putting the past behind them and playing that loop in there head. 

Yeah it’s seem abit of a coincidence she changed it that quick, I don’t really care about her bf he clearly has no morals and being realistic she’s worse than he is for allowing it to happen. I guess all I wanted was some regret or remorse she showed neither so far probably never will. She needs to understand when I say don’t talk to me she gets angry it’s like she dosent want to me go completely but I’m at that point where yeah I love her but I don’t want anything to do with her not out of bitterness but for my own mental well-being 

[Daddycool]

11 minutes ago, glows said:

It’s not about her anymore. This is more about you and your journey in the next chapter forwards. You have to figure out a way to let go of that bitterness. Live your best life forwards. 

She’s making my life a misery being bitter still about what went on over a year ago let it go and leave me alone but she can’t do either of those things. I don’t even contact her what so ever anymore unless I have a day off and can pick my son up from school which rarely happens. If your so happy with your bf stop making my life hell and leave me alone. 

[glows]

27 minutes ago, Daddycool said:

Yeah it’s seem abit of a coincidence she changed it that quick, I don’t really care about her bf he clearly has no morals and being realistic she’s worse than he is for allowing it to happen. I guess all I wanted was some regret or remorse she showed neither so far probably never will. She needs to understand when I say don’t talk to me she gets angry it’s like she dosent want to me go completely but I’m at that point where yeah I love her but I don’t want anything to do with her not out of bitterness but for my own mental well-being 

Some people aren’t able to show any regret or remorse. And like I said in an earlier post she may not feel you deserve anything like that from her because you used her like a punching bag.

In the same way you’re looking for remorse and regret from her she may be wondering how a person can seem so entitled. It goes both ways so don’t go there anymore.

Tell yourself to lower your expectations as you’re no longer in a relationship. You don’t owe anything to each other except coparenting your son. 

. 

Edited January 3, 2022 by glows

[Daddycool]

1 hour ago, glows said:

Some people aren’t able to show any regret or remorse. And like I said in an earlier post she may not feel you deserve anything like that from her because you used her like a punching bag.

In the same way you’re looking for remorse and regret from her she may be wondering how a person can seem so entitled. It goes both ways so don’t go there anymore.

Tell yourself to lower your expectations as you’re no longer in a relationship. You don’t owe anything to each other except coparenting your son. 

. 

You know what makes it harder is the fact this all started after witnessing my dads death, seeing the guy that raised you hanging befor you eyes destroys a person I never did this intentionally to hurt her I’ll be honest I didnt see what I was doing to her. But at least take some time apart from eachother to sort our selves out befor running off with someone else I’m not missing my son growing up and some random guy is getting to see that it breaks my heart. I wish she’d let me explain or even understand what was going on in my mind. I’m in a better place now than I ever was which makes it harder knowing things could be so much better between us but I can’t be friends with her if she can’t accept my apology’s and still treats me like crap.