KelliM1969 Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 I have been dating this man that I have known for years for almost a year. He is absolutely wonderful with me and wants to discuss buying a house of our own together. We both have our own homes. I do not want this right now and this is why: He has a dog, 12 year old lab/great dane mix. He is also blind from age. Well, I've seen him hit him really hard that it almost knocked the dog out because he scratched him by accident. After that ordeal and knowing how that upset me, he hit him again the other day in the nose because the dog chewed up a used kleenex. He also had a cat. She was a beautiful cat who supposedly had an eating disorder, she would eat until she puked. He told me that she was always like that but I find that hard to believe. Anyhow, instead of taking her to get checked, she was 11 at this point, he took her to a shelter and before she could get adopted, she died of kidney failure. That was very upsetting. I have two cats of my own and would go to jail if someone hurt them. This is just my luck, I finally found a man that treats me right and he is horrible with animals What would you do? I know, I know, it's time to dump him, right? I just needed to get this out because I really don't have anyone to talk to. Thank you for listening. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 If he abuses animals he will abuse you. stop seeing him. Any person who can abuse innocent animals is despicable to the core and ought to be in jail. Don’t think he won’t do it to you - he will. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 Make no mistake about it, once those animals die or no longer around he will turn the abuse on you. Get away from that man because he's an abuser. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT buy a house with this man or mix your money with his. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 There's a big difference between being "not good with animals" (as in, the person doesn't know how to play with a dog or how to pet a cat), and literally abusing animals. As others have said, an abuser is an abuser is an abuser - animals are not going to be their only victims. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 Yeah, I wouldn’t stay involved, either. Not sure he would abuse you, too, at some point, but who knows….. better safe than sorry, I guess. In any case, I couldn’t respect a person who behaves and acts that way. I’d literally lose all respect and love for them, maybe not right away, because I’d probably tell myself that it’s not “that bad”, in order to justify my relationship with them (cognitive dissonance, ya know?) - but it’ll happen. If you’re a decent human being, your love will fade as well. And having pets yourself that you treat well, I don’t see you continuing this. Seriously. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 If he treats his pets this way when they get older, what makes you think he will treat you any differently? If you get sick you will be on your own. If you get something serious, there will be no support from him... you figure out if you want that kind of future for yourself... Just be grateful he hasn't learned enough self-control to keep you ignorant as to his true nature. Just don't tell him the real reason you are walking - the next girl he tries to reel in will thank you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 His behavior is a whole May Day parade of red flags. This how he treats those who he feels he has power over. He hasn't gotten there yet with you, but sure enough he will it just takes more time to put a person under your control...they need to be groomed. As others have said before, get out of this relationship ASAP I say. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KelliM1969 Posted January 5, 2022 Author Share Posted January 5, 2022 Thank you all for the replies. I've heard it and now it's time to break things off. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 4 hours ago, KelliM1969 said: Thank you all for the replies. I've heard it and now it's time to break things off. I’m glad to hear this. I think what you’ve seen with his dog and cat are the tip of the iceberg. Trust your instincts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 (edited) 12 hours ago, KelliM1969 said: I have been dating this man that I have known for years for almost a year. He is absolutely wonderful with me and wants to discuss buying a house of our own together. We both have our own homes. I do not want this right now and this is why: He has a dog, 12 year old lab/great dane mix. He is also blind from age. Well, I've seen him hit him really hard that it almost knocked the dog out because he scratched him by accident. After that ordeal and knowing how that upset me, he hit him again the other day in the nose because the dog chewed up a used kleenex. He also had a cat. She was a beautiful cat who supposedly had an eating disorder, she would eat until she puked. He told me that she was always like that but I find that hard to believe. Anyhow, instead of taking her to get checked, she was 11 at this point, he took her to a shelter and before she could get adopted, she died of kidney failure. That was very upsetting. I have two cats of my own and would go to jail if someone hurt them. This is just my luck, I finally found a man that treats me right and he is horrible with animals What would you do? I know, I know, it's time to dump him, right? I just needed to get this out because I really don't have anyone to talk to. Thank you for listening. You know you need to dump this guy. He is a Jeckyll and Hyde character - he treats you well and abuses animals. You would never be happy with him. I am sorry you have found what seemed like a lovely guy only to find out he has this cruel streak. I know it is heartbreaking when you want someone to love and to be loved. This is not the guy though. Personally, I would report him to your local animal protection organisation. He may have killed the cat by abusing it and he may even have blinded the dog. I don't think you as an animal lover could tolerate living with someone so cruel. His animals should not have to live in this abusive situation. Unlike what another poster said above, I would definitely tell him why I was leaving him. It won't make any difference to his behaviour but why leave yourself open to him thinking he might be able to persuade you to come back? Edited January 5, 2022 by spiderowl 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 I wouldn´t be even friend to someone who abuse pets. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 A man who hurts animals is a HUGE RED FLAG. I would stay far, far away from this man… Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 It takes a certain type of person to hurt an animal intentionally without remorse or feeling......this guy needs professional help...sounds like he rages with anger issues .when you break it off, take the dog with you...it is what i would do ...i would fight for that dog.....to save a blind abused vulnerable animal........if he refuses to let you take the dog...report him to whatever animal protection society is available in the area he lives......it would be risky .....take your dad brother, male friend..... with you when you have to get your stuff ....and the dog..dont just leave the dog...dogs dont deserve abuse just like people dont.....mans best friend.....he doesnt deserve that love........deb 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 Your body is telling you what to do: you are repulsed. The other people are right: there's some anger and abusive entery in him and that will show up with you. In fact, I'm going to challenge you: I am going bet that if we ignore the animals, you've already seen signs of his cruelty or sadistic tendencies. Might be in the way he laughs at others. There is no way he's hidden all those tendencies. Here's what I'm guessing: he's very friendly to you. Very warm, but I would bet in his comments about others or about the world, you've heard him reflect the values he's showing in his treatment of his animals. No way is he that compartmentalized. Me thinks you've been charmed by his warmth--but his warmth is very selective and it can turn on and off. Bottom line: tell him you are not comfortable with the way he treats his animals--or not ... or just break up with him. You will be furious at yourself if you continue on in this relationship. Because it is going to explode and detonate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KelliM1969 Posted January 5, 2022 Author Share Posted January 5, 2022 51 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Your body is telling you what to do: you are repulsed. The other people are right: there's some anger and abusive entery in him and that will show up with you. In fact, I'm going to challenge you: I am going bet that if we ignore the animals, you've already seen signs of his cruelty or sadistic tendencies. Might be in the way he laughs at others. There is no way he's hidden all those tendencies. Here's what I'm guessing: he's very friendly to you. Very warm, but I would bet in his comments about others or about the world, you've heard him reflect the values he's showing in his treatment of his animals. No way is he that compartmentalized. Me thinks you've been charmed by his warmth--but his warmth is very selective and it can turn on and off. Bottom line: tell him you are not comfortable with the way he treats his animals--or not ... or just break up with him. You will be furious at yourself if you continue on in this relationship. Because it is going to explode and detonate. You may be right. I have never really paid attention to his views or comments about others. All I know is that several women told me he is a very nice guy, including his ex girlfriend. I've known him for years, he was a friend of my ex. Back then he was annoying and egotistical. Someone said he may have blinded his dog but he didn't it's old age. We have been together for almost a year now and for some reason, I can't let it move forward to anything more serious and I'm guessing it's because of the animals. He knows I got very upset with how he treated his dog a few months ago and here he did it again. I don't really know what goes on when I'm not there. All I know is the dog protects me and won't let him near me when I am over there, it's strange and I always felt that was strange. He tries to nip at him if he tries to hug or kiss me. Huge red flag to me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 I'm not sure he is quite as bad as some of the more extreme cases of people who do this, but consider the below... https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/social-sciences/cruelty-to-animals 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 Wow, sounds like dog is telling you who is the dangerous one--your bf. Dog deserves a courage award from not reflexively favoring their owner. Wow! So now, you gotta get out of this. You would never forgive yourself when you think back to the dog signaling danger to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 1 hour ago, KelliM1969 said: I've known him for years, he was a friend of my ex. Back then he was annoying and egotistical. He tries to nip at him if he tries to hug or kiss me. Huge red flag to me. Sorry this is happening. Although he may be putting on a show for now, there are many red flags including a sadistic streak and being abusive. Another is talking about getting a house together. Cut your losses. He lacks integrity and empathy and those are signs of a dangerous personality. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 Oh that poor baby. And he took his cat to the pound?! My heart hurt reading about how he hits that poor dog. This guy is a Class-A abusive jerk. There's not much worse than abusing innocent, defenseless animals, aside from seniors and children. I agree with @todreaminblue - rescue the dog! I cannot imagine ever hurting my dog like that, she's my baby and my best friend. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KelliM1969 Posted January 5, 2022 Author Share Posted January 5, 2022 1 minute ago, Allupinnit said: Oh that poor baby. And he took his cat to the pound?! My heart hurt reading about how he hits that poor dog. This guy is a Class-A abusive jerk. There's not much worse than abusing innocent, defenseless animals, aside from seniors and children. I agree with @todreaminblue - rescue the dog! I cannot imagine ever hurting my dog like that, she's my baby and my best friend. Yes, he took his 12 year old cat to the pound because she was scarfing and barfing her food, instead of taking her to the vet to see why she was doing that. Apparently, she had kidney disease and died in that pound. Died like a week after being put in there. I wish I could rescue the dog, but my cat rescue hates dogs and I can't have them around her. I could never imagine hurting my cats they, like you said, are my best friends. Needless to say, I have lost respect for this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 4 hours ago, todreaminblue said: report him to whatever animal protection society is available in the area he lives. Agree. Do not do this yourself or attempt to steal his dog (legally property). That makes You the criminal when in fact if you report it he is the criminal. However once you sever all ties report this crime. Quote All states outlaw cruelty to animals, as well as neglect and other forms of mistreatment. Criminal penalties range from modest fines to felony prison time. Animal cruelty is a crime everywhere in the U.S. But state laws on the mistreatment of dogs, cats, and other animals vary a great deal. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 24 minutes ago, KelliM1969 said: Needless to say, I have lost respect for this guy. That's all you need to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
AngryGromit Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 (edited) 40 minutes ago, KelliM1969 said: Yes, he took his 12 year old cat to the pound because she was scarfing and barfing her food, instead of taking her to the vet to see why she was doing that. Honestly I would have put down a 12 year old cat that was having these issues (but not just drop it off at the pound). Depending on the type of cat, it was probably getting close to the end of it's life. Does it justify spending thousands of dollars on vet fees, when it just there time to go. My fiancée rescued a cat that was living in a shelter for years, two months after we got the cat, it stopped eating. We took it to the vet and they gave cat a shot to entice it to eat. A few days later a friend noticed a blockage in the cat's throat. We then took the cat to an emergency vet to find the cat had a tumor in its throat, and couldn't swallow. They said they didn't think the cat would survive the surgery, so we had the cat put down. In the end we spent about $1,000 on the Cat, and retrospect, probably caused it more suffering, imagine you were giving a shot to make you hungrier, when you were already hungry and can't eat. We were a little pissed the first vet didn't detect the issue, would have saved a lot of time, suffering, and money for all involved. Edited January 5, 2022 by AngryGromit 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 How sad that he left the cat to die alone in a shelter, abandoned like that. I knew when my older dog was probably on her last leg but there is no way in hell I would have allowed her to cross the rainbow bridge on a cold floor in a pound by herself, wondering what she did to deserve that. I was there with her til her last breaths. Maybe he was trying to save money, but then why get a pet in the first place? When it's inconvenient you just make the animal someone else's problem? GTFOOHWTS - live alone then. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 just here to agree with the others. some may not agree that "smacking" a dog can be acceptable...but outright punching a dog and almost knocking it unconscious is absolutely abuse. and instead of getting help for the cat, abandoning at a shelter is just a sign of terrible responsibility as a pet owner. neither are good traits. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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