99girl Posted January 6, 2022 Posted January 6, 2022 (edited) Met this guy on a dating app a couple of months ago. He invited me for a coffee date 3 times in a row. I found it weird because he never invited me for anything else like dinner. He actually asked me 2 weeks ago when do I invite him for dinner. I told him he can invite me too and he laugh it off. He checks my Facebook posts (we met on FB dating), and a few days ago I posted some photos of a spa I went and he messaged me asking when do I invite him to a spa! Again I told him he can invite me too, and he responded he cannot afford that! Now I am thinking he is being serious asking me to invite him out! I told him I don't invite men out, usually I am invited. If he wants to invite me great, until then take care. He responded ok understood, and I think we are done. It's ok if he cannot afford dinners and spas, but a man asking a woman to invite him? I think he is just cheap and that is such a turn off! What do you think about this? Edited January 6, 2022 by 99girl
basil67 Posted January 6, 2022 Posted January 6, 2022 I don't like his approach at all, especially in asking you to invite him to the more expensive things. If he can't afford to do nice things, he shouldn't be dating. However, being an egalitarian type, nor do I like the female approach of only going when a man invites her (and assumedly pays). I think there needs to be give and take in all of this. 2
Author 99girl Posted January 6, 2022 Author Posted January 6, 2022 (edited) 11 minutes ago, basil67 said: I don't like his approach at all, especially in asking you to invite him to the more expensive things. If he can't afford to do nice things, he shouldn't be dating. However, being an egalitarian type, nor do I like the female approach of only going when a man invites her (and assumedly pays). I think there needs to be give and take in all of this. This is more a situation of him asking me to invite him to things he never invited me for and that are more expensive than a coffee. It's sad. I would never ask a man to invite me for dinner, and a man asking a woman to do that is just ridiculous or he is a freeloader. Edited January 6, 2022 by 99girl 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 6, 2022 Posted January 6, 2022 18 minutes ago, 99girl said: I think he is just cheap... I think you are right... As a guy, I didn't date unless I had a little money to splash around on nice dates (dinner + an activity - of some type). Part of my monthly budget was "Dating and Entertainment" and I never took a woman on a "coffee date" that's not a real date (in my opinion). If he can't afford a dinner out & a movie (at least once a week) then he can't afford to date and shouldn't be dating. Just my two cents... 4 1
glows Posted January 6, 2022 Posted January 6, 2022 1 hour ago, 99girl said: Met this guy on a dating app a couple of months ago. He invited me for a coffee date 3 times in a row. I found it weird because he never invited me for anything else like dinner. He actually asked me 2 weeks ago when do I invite him for dinner. I told him he can invite me too and he laugh it off. He checks my Facebook posts (we met on FB dating), and a few days ago I posted some photos of a spa I went and he messaged me asking when do I invite him to a spa! Again I told him he can invite me too, and he responded he cannot afford that! Now I am thinking he is being serious asking me to invite him out! I told him I don't invite men out, usually I am invited. If he wants to invite me great, until then take care. He responded ok understood, and I think we are done. It's ok if he cannot afford dinners and spas, but a man asking a woman to invite him? I think he is just cheap and that is such a turn off! What do you think about this? It seems he was toying with you. Inviting you over for dinner doesn't have to cost much especially if he cooks. A lunch also doesn't have to cost a lot if you're both grabbing a bite to eat at a local deli or smaller restaurant. I doubt he can't afford to take you out. He's just not willing to put in the effort or has prioritized other ways to spend his cash (ie. his heart's not really in dating). I'm sorry to say that. 2
Author 99girl Posted January 6, 2022 Author Posted January 6, 2022 (edited) 13 minutes ago, glows said: It seems he was toying with you. Inviting you over for dinner doesn't have to cost much especially if he cooks. A lunch also doesn't have to cost a lot if you're both grabbing a bite to eat at a local deli or smaller restaurant. I doubt he can't afford to take you out. He's just not willing to put in the effort or has prioritized other ways to spend his cash (ie. his heart's not really in dating). I'm sorry to say that. Don't be sorry, I appreciate your honesty and I agree with you. I prefer a man who invites me to the local Deli because is all he can afford than a man who makes excuses and wants me to invite him. It's not about money, is about a man's character. Edited January 6, 2022 by 99girl 4
jdesey Posted January 7, 2022 Posted January 7, 2022 This is a guy that just doesn’t get it. I can’t think of a weaker approach. 4
Gaeta Posted January 7, 2022 Posted January 7, 2022 19 hours ago, 99girl said: Again I told him he can invite me too, and he responded he cannot afford that! He's looking for a Sugar-Mama. He wants you to be paying. 2
divegrl Posted January 7, 2022 Posted January 7, 2022 He’s just playing games and being flirty. Ugh… time waster. Yes, make sure your guy can ask you out on a date!!!! 3
Author 99girl Posted January 8, 2022 Author Posted January 8, 2022 On 1/7/2022 at 4:23 PM, Gaeta said: He's looking for a Sugar-Mama. He wants you to be paying. So so sad!
Author 99girl Posted January 8, 2022 Author Posted January 8, 2022 On 1/7/2022 at 4:30 PM, divegrl said: He’s just playing games and being flirty. Ugh… time waster. Yes, make sure your guy can ask you out on a date!!!! I think is what a man should do! 1
Els Posted January 8, 2022 Posted January 8, 2022 I don't agree that the dude should be doing all the inviting, but I also think it's kinda weird that he's explicitly nudging you (in a rather crass manner I might add) to "invite" him to expensive dates that he has never "invited" you to before. 1
poppyfields Posted January 8, 2022 Posted January 8, 2022 (edited) On 1/6/2022 at 1:01 PM, 99girl said: He actually asked me 2 weeks ago when do I invite him for dinner. I told him he can invite me too and he laugh it off. He checks my Facebook posts (we met on FB dating), and a few days ago I posted some photos of a spa I went and he messaged me asking when do I invite him to a spa! 99girl, take with a grain of salt, he's 'messing' with you, that's all. Mess with him back! Could be fun. Or ignore and next. Do NOT take seriously, I couldn't begin to count how many men have messed with me over the years, or tried to. Especially on line which is one reason why I refuse to OLD anymore. I can see through it fairly quickly and either mess with them back or ignore. Edited January 8, 2022 by poppyfields 1
Wiseman2 Posted January 8, 2022 Posted January 8, 2022 On 1/6/2022 at 4:01 PM, 99girl said: He actually asked me 2 weeks ago when do I invite him for dinner. Again I told him he can invite me too, and he responded he cannot afford that! Tell him you'll take him to Chez soup kitchen. 3
poppyfields Posted January 8, 2022 Posted January 8, 2022 18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Tell him you'll take him to Chez soup kitchen. THAT is what I'm talking about, mess with him a bit! 2
Cali Lisa Posted January 9, 2022 Posted January 9, 2022 I think it is very clear that he has no money and wants to date a woman who is willing to wine and dine him. Some men aren't ashamed of such behavior. Clearly, that's a turn off for you, so move on. The guy is a loser not because he's got no money but because he is inviting himself to dinner & spa and has no problem with it. Even if your girlfriend asked you to invite her to dinner and a spa session, you'd think she's crossing a line. This dude is no good for anyone, man or woman. He is looking for a sugar mama.
Author 99girl Posted January 9, 2022 Author Posted January 9, 2022 17 hours ago, poppyfields said: THAT is what I'm talking about, mess with him a bit! I did that the first time he asked when I take him for dinner. I told him I take him to the $1 McDonalds meal Now this time with the spa I wasn't in a very good humor when he said that só it backfired. I told him I don't invite men out. He can invite me to those things if he wants, otherwise take care. Some men need to be put in their place!
Gaeta Posted January 9, 2022 Posted January 9, 2022 I don't think he's joking. He's showing you who he is. This summer I dated a man that was aiming at a sugar-mama and he started by saying things exactly like this. He'd see an expensive car and say one day you'll get me one like that. Of course at first I thought it was his sense of humor, it was not, it was his way of testing if I'd be open to shed money on him. 1
Author 99girl Posted January 9, 2022 Author Posted January 9, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: I don't think he's joking. He's showing you who he is. This summer I dated a man that was aiming at a sugar-mama and he started by saying things exactly like this. He'd see an expensive car and say one day you'll get me one like that. Of course at first I thought it was his sense of humor, it was not, it was his way of testing if I'd be open to shed money on him. Yes I agree. Especially when they have this sense of humor more than once. They are testing boundaries and checking how you are. Some men do this with sexual innuendos, he is doing it with money and dates. This guy separated last summer and lives with his mom with no intentions to get his own place. I wonder if he is trying to find a woman who is financially fine and has her own place so he can move in and live off her. Anyway, if something smells like a rat it probably is. Edited January 9, 2022 by 99girl 3
poppyfields Posted January 9, 2022 Posted January 9, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: I don't think he's joking. I don't think he was joking either, that is not what I meant by "messing with." 'Messing with' is a whole different thing, similar to trolling. It's a game to some guys, especially on line. He'a probably bored, cheap and lazy, and messing with several girls. Agree he testing the waters and attempting to set it up so that you chase him and pay. Again, most likely doing same thing with several girls to see who bites. OR he may not have any intention to meet you at all, it's all a big mind spin. Bottom line, he doesn't give a *, it's a game that YOU need to take with a huge pinch of salt!! Again why I hate on line. Or one reason. Just next him is my advice. Edited January 9, 2022 by poppyfields 2
Gaeta Posted January 9, 2022 Posted January 9, 2022 (edited) 20 minutes ago, 99girl said: This guy separated last summer and lives with his mom with no intentions to get his own place Why did you even meet him for coffee? and entertained him for 2 months?? I would have next this guy after 1 conversation on the dating app. You don't need to explain yourself to every bozzo you have a conversation with online. You don't like his pedigree after 1 conversation, block him and go talk to next. Edited January 9, 2022 by Gaeta 4
Happy Lemming Posted January 9, 2022 Posted January 9, 2022 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: I don't think he's joking. I'd also like to agree with @Gaeta... In addition to being cheap, he is also lazy. With some effort, a man can plan a fun date and not spend too much money. In my younger days (when money was really tight) there were a few "Mom and Pop" sit down restaurants (in the area) that didn't have a liquor license. So, you couldn't order alcohol even if you wanted it, so that kept the cost of the "dinner portion" of the date to a minimum. Then the local "rag" (newspaper) would have a "things to do" section that described the weekend activities and their approximate costs. There was always stuff like Art Walks and other low/no cost activities. With a little work and creativity, anyone can cobble together a fun date on the cheap. 2
Wiseman2 Posted January 9, 2022 Posted January 9, 2022 (edited) If you want spot pickup artist tricks like cheeky cocky remarks about "so when are you buying me a drink?" Read: "The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed" by Erik Von Markovik and "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Of course these materials are for losers but when you know what they are reading/doing, it makes them easier to spot. Edited January 9, 2022 by Wiseman2 2
Taramere Posted January 9, 2022 Posted January 9, 2022 On 1/6/2022 at 9:01 PM, 99girl said: It's ok if he cannot afford dinners and spas, but a man asking a woman to invite him? I think he is just cheap and that is such a turn off! What do you think about this? Does he follow up these requests with comments along the lines of "come on, surely you're a believer in feminism...strike a blow for equal rights"? 1
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