Affair partner is a better man than my husband

[Badsituation]

Ok so il probably get a lot of hate for this, my story isn’t black & white though. 

I have 2 smallish children 4&7 last year during lockdown, my partner was extremely emotionally abusive to me. Swearing & name calling me everyday. I felt like I couldn’t do anything because of the children. They was on furlough & I was still working as a key worker. I realise that this must of been extremely stressful , having the children when I was working 12 hr shifts. But did I need to be rudely called fat daily ? Being a recovering bulimic. Anyway I met someone at work…..who made me feel normal , loved & wanted. Fast forward a year…. I’ve had a mental breakdown due to the abuse my partner has put me through , had to stay off work for 3 months. Got severe depression. My partner has apologised for everything dearly & trying best to make up for what they have done. I think it’s just too little too late. The person I’ve met at work is amazing such a great person & makes me a better person. Where do go from here ? 
 

TIA 

Edited January 7, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language/clarify title

[glows]

Are you able to support yourself? Do you co-own any property or share any debts/liabilities? Speak with a lawyer about your options financially and regarding the welfare of the kids. Your job now is to think about things systematically and go down the list on any responsibilities you share as a couple and begin severing that relationship if you need to. Have a plan before putting anything into action and once you make up your mind, let your actions follow through swiftly without hesitation. 

The other man at work is only a fly on the wall, a distraction. Please don't let another romance distract you from extricating yourself from an abusive relationship and moving on with your life or creating a better environment for yourself or your kids. 

[Badsituation]

5 minutes ago, glows said:

Are you able to support yourself? Do you co-own any property or share any debts/liabilities? Speak with a lawyer about your options financially and regarding the welfare of the kids. Your job now is to think about things systematically and go down the list on any responsibilities you share as a couple and begin severing that relationship if you need to. Have a plan before putting anything into action and once you make up your mind, let your actions follow through swiftly without hesitation. 

The other man at work is only a fly on the wall, a distraction. Please don't let another romance distract you from extricating yourself from an abusive relationship and moving on with your life or creating a better environment for yourself or your kids. 

I have a mortgage on the property which is in my name only, as I bought it. He is a good parent just not great as a partner. I can financially support myself but I would require help for childcare when working due to the hours. I feel like I’m going to just tear up my family. My poor children 😞 Thank you so much for replying 😊

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, Badsituation said:

Where do go from here ? 

Divorce your husband and focus on being the healthiest person and best mother that you can be. Full stop. You can make a decision about the future of your marriage and what’s best for you and your children. You are in no position to pursue another relationship right now - 

Edited January 7, 2022 by BaileyB

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, glows said:

Please don't let another romance distract you from extricating yourself from an abusive relationship and moving on with your life or creating a better environment for yourself or your kids. 

Let him be the person who shows you that there are better men than your husband. There is a happier and healthier future for you and your children. That doesn’t mean that you should be with THIS man or that this is the relationship for you. You should be very skeptical of any man who does not respect appropriate relationship boundaries. 

Edited January 7, 2022 by BaileyB

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, Badsituation said:

I feel like I’m going to just tear up my family. My poor children

Is he the father of the children?  If not, kids are resilient and are happier and well adjusted in a home where their mother is safe and happy.  Don't settle for an abusive man, your kids will be grown and gone one day.

[smackie9]

You would be doing everyone a favor by leaving. Kids are not oblivious to your sour marriage, and with you emotionally checked out. Children raised in two separate homes with healthy happy parents, co parenting is a much better environment than the one they are in now.

[petee]

You need to slam the door and get on with your life.

What advice would you give to a sibling, or your own children?

He cannot treat you so badly, have a think and then change. What would your parents want for you? 

Doesn’t seem a hard choice to me, it’s about the lionhearted you need, and it is in there!

[Uruktopi]

Don´t accept abuse.

[notbroken]

Leave your husband if you want - but your affair partner is no 'winner' either.    He starts with a serious strike against him - he would be with a married woman.  How can you ever trust him?  Get rid of them both and get good with yourself.  Don't be with either of them.  They both have serious issues.  Be better to yourself than staying with an abusive man and one that would have an affair.   Concentrate on yourself and your kids for a while and then find someone that is honest and not abusive.