My kids wont stay in their own beds.

[S2B]

Be sure they get the idea that “this is your bed and this is YOUR safe space.”

each day say it out loud so they understand how their own safe space is critical to their happiness.

[Sioned]

6 hours ago, S2B said:

I would find a tutor that can work with the 8 year old from 3:30 - do not settle for anything less. Or IF she gets out of school at 2:30 - go from 2:40-4:30.

if the tutor won’t do early hours right after school (and a snack on the way there) don’t book the time slot! This is in your child’s best interest! Find a new tutor if needed. Hire a retired teacher if needed. Finishing at 8pm then dinner is way too late for this age group! 

be your child’s advocate. Say no to people who don’t offer what’s best for the child. Tell them exactly what you need for the child and accept nothing less.

your child will benefit seeing you advocate for her. 

she should be capable of eating by 6pm each night then starting the winding down scene for bedtime. As a habit - her mind will start to correlate the routine with bedtime. Encourage every night to stay in bed. Reward the next day if needed for a while. Maybe a cookie after breakfast. Maybe a special snack in her lunch box. Do not give the reward if it’s not earned. She will start to become proud of herself but it’s up to you to create a schedule that benefits them.

my hope is that you can make these adjustments for your family life/home life.

Absolutely this!^  YOur children are getting a bus to School at 7:30am. You aren't even putting them in bed till what? 9pm?  and they are having to get up early enough to catch a bus at 7:30am. Thats just insane! No wonder you are all struggling so much.

They must be absolutely exhausted! There is simply not enough time for your Daughter in particular to wind down so she CAN sleep. If she is not finished with work till 7:30 and then not eating till 8pm - then yeah - 10pm sleep time is what her body is ready for.

I really think you are focusing on the wrong thing here - its time to take a breath, step back a few paces, and really LOOK at what you are doing as a family. Children at this age need more sleep than yours are getting. Right now - your children are having to fit around what Adults need to the detriment of thier health. Now clearly I am no child expert - just a mum who like you is trying to her best - but the simple fact is that children need a LOT of sleep. They are not little adults. And they cannot cope with Adult timetables. My son eats fairly late at 5:30 some days (6pm on Friday for Pizza Night). He goes to bed at 7pm and lights out at 7;30/ . Bedtime a touch later on Pizza Nights. Hes awake at 6am- 7am and actually gets up at 7am.

Anything he (or I) want to do has to fit in BEFORE that - it simply is necessary that he gets sleep.

I would personally be wary of rewards here though I understand entirely why you may want to do that - (The PPS course strongly advocates against it). In this case it would just set up one more behavior that could be counterproductive (instead of wanting the night night gummy - they demand the reward).

I also do wonder if the necessity for an ADD assessment would not be there if your daughter was getting enough sleep? Please do ask about this when you speak to a doctor (because I know next to nothing about the condition).Long term lack of sleep can have health consequences and at that age it occurs to me that it might be showing up as something else.

I really do understand that you must feel between between a rock and a hard place - we cannot really know what you are dealing with - but I would honestly suggest that the tutoring needs to be put on hold. I hope that the school would be able to help with that while you concentrate on developing a night time routine that works for you and your children - and then tutoring can fit in once you have that sorted.

 

6 hours ago, Dis said:

Melatonin is a harmless over the counter supplement and it's a naturally occurring hormone so can't really classify it as a drug. It's actually a really safe sleep aid for even young kids. 

 

While true - when it is given every day it becomes a habit  where a person will not be able to go to bed without the "Night Night Gummy". It could be an M&M and it would cause the same problem. Whether its a Chemical Drug or natural hormone - medicating a problem that is more likely caused by lifestyle factors shouldn't really be the first port of call.
 

[Wiseman2]

27 minutes ago, Sioned said:

  becomes a habit  where a person will not be able to go to bed without the "Night Night Gummy". 

Agree. This is a horrible precedent and it won't compensate for poor sleep hygiene, poor time management or a better daily routine. 

While the kids may have neurological or psychiatric issues from drug addicted biological parents and being shuffled around foster homes.

 The best thing you can do is create stability and consistency that they may have lacked.

Have them both evaluated by a qualified board certified pediatric neurologist. Stop turning otc sleeping aids into a  cute routine, when part of the problem is chaotic scheduling and possibly undiagnosed medical or psychiatric issues.

For all you know these supplements and the inert ingredients in them is doing more harm than good. Melatonin can cause sever headaches and so can the the artificial sweeteners in thses types of otc supplements. Read up on it.

 

Edited January 14, 2022 by Wiseman2

[vla1120]

A little off topic - I just want to say THANK YOU for adopting these two children. As someone who advocates for children in foster care, nothing makes me more happy than to see children (especially siblings together) find permanence. You're doing a GREAT job and this WILL get better. I hope that, even though you already adopted, you still have access to some services through the Division, considering her abandonment issues pre-date your adoption. At the very LEAST, they should be able to recommend someone for you.

Edited January 14, 2022 by vla1120

[princessaurora]

So my daughter fell asleep on her own last night around 9:30 and when she came in our room a few hours later. My husband told her " No, you need to sleep in your own bed. "This is me and mommy''s space. " and  she went back to her room and back to sleep! We didn't see her again until around 7:30 this morning when she heard my alarm go off to get up for work and she came in for a morning snuggle, which I am totally fine with. I used to do the same thing with my parents. My son had fallen asleep on the couch also on his own, so we left him there and he stayed put all night. I wasn't going to risk moving him and waking him up. He has a toddler bed and still fits in it fine, but I told him once he starts staying in his bed he can get a big boy bed.

 So thank you @S2B for the advice on explaining space. . 

Hooray for small victories! 

 

[S2B]

Just stay consistent with love and compassion. A regular schedule helps kids a LOT.
so glad you are on a path to establish safe space for everyone in your home! 

[princessaurora]

We had another successful night last night with our 8 yr old. She fell asleep on her own again and then came in a few hours later, I told her this was our space and she needs to go back to hers. She stormed out and then stopped at my door and threw a tantrum. I told her again that this was our space and she has hers in her room. She went back to sleep and didnt return till she was ready to get up this morning. My son also fell asleep on his own too, but somehow he snuck into our bed like a ninja at some point because I didn't even know he was there till this morning. Oh well, baby steps. 😆

[Haydn]

I miss the days when the little ones climbed into our bed and proceeded to use all their sharp bits to injure and maim us.

The knee to the happy sacks, the Rabbit punch to the kidneys and the back of the head, headbutt.

Or the relief when one of us slept in their beds, effortlessly falling asleep surrounded by comforting and plush animals.

Now they studiously ignore me unless they need money or food. 

Good luck, it will change and you may miss it.

 

[Mrin]

8 hours ago, Haydn said:

I miss the days when the little ones climbed into our bed and proceeded to use all their sharp bits to injure and maim us.

The knee to the happy sacks, the Rabbit punch to the kidneys and the back of the head, headbutt.

Or the relief when one of us slept in their beds, effortlessly falling asleep surrounded by comforting and plush animals.

Now they studiously ignore me unless they need money or food. 

Good luck, it will change and you may miss it.

 

Man this is so true. I used to have to sleep right up against my youngest so they couldn't get a wind up on me. Lol. Total combat sleeping. 

Miss those days. ☹️