pufika Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 (edited) Hi everyone, I am in a pretty difficult situation and reading up on it gives me conflicting answer, so any advice would be much appreciated. This girl and I have been dating for 8 months, fell in a love and a few weeks ago she even moved in with me. There were some unhealthy things in the relationship which even made us have a discussion whether or not we should continue. We agreed to continue, but didn't really discuss changes or the causes really. In any case, in the madness of the holidays this was quite lost we were travelling to multiple countries whatever and just go around to really placing her stuff around NYE until then things were messy. However, right after we went out drinking and I got very drunk and said some terrible things to her questioning the effort she puts into the relationship, commenting on her looks and friends (I don't really remember, she just told me these the next day.) She said she needs a few days of space as she feels I betrayed her trust, to reflect on things and I should also think about the relationship. She was also convinced that because I was drunk I meant what I said, when in reality I was afraid and desperate of losing her and I think I just pushed her away to see if she comes back(?). I tried to control her the weeks before and after issues I distanced myself when all I wanted was her closeness, so pretty toxic overall. Now a friend of hers came to start moving her stuff out and even mentioned leaving the key etcs., so this friend (with whom she is staying) seems convinced that we are done. We had a few exchanges where I apologised and even wrote a letter apologising and expressing what she means to me, but that's it. She said she will contact me if and when she is ready so we can meet. I just know that she had such a fight with a friend and they did not talk for months, which ended because their parents pushed them to meet up. Also, with another friend she had to take a break for two weeks completely, simply because they spent all their time together during lockdown and it was too much. She said in both of these situations she did not initiate the reconnection. No we have not texted at all since 5 days, so I am just wondering what to do. In the meantime, I realised my motivation for saying these things and want to give for an explanation and an apology, but I just want to make sure it is not too late. I know we love each other dearly, but I would respect her decision if she thinks we should part ways for now, but would still hope that with anyways necessary changes and better communication we could start a new relationship eventually. Thanks a lot in advance! Edited January 9, 2022 by pufika Link to post Share on other sites
Estes Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Whether or not that old saying is true is irrelevant, that's what she believes. What exactly did you say about her looks? Sounds like she's done as per her actions regarding recruiting a friend to move her stuff out. That's pretty final. Best thing you can do is leave her alone. You already sent the apology letter, nothing more to do here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pufika Posted January 9, 2022 Author Share Posted January 9, 2022 49 minutes ago, Estes said: A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Whether or not that old saying is true is irrelevant, that's what she believes. What exactly did you say about her looks? Sounds like she's done as per her actions regarding recruiting a friend to move her stuff out. That's pretty final. Best thing you can do is leave her alone. You already sent the apology letter, nothing more to do here. Thank you for the response. Yes, her believing that is the issue exactly. It's just that, I tend to say/act opposite of what I really want, so I distance myself to get her to reach out and show the she cares. I realised now that this is toxic and not sustainable. Apparently, I called her unattractive, which is the polar opposite of what I actually feel. I tried to figure out why and I think it's because when I showed her some things that would look good, like clothes or nail patterns/colour she just ignored it right away and got something different. Still this was a very horrible thing of me. In this case, I will leave her alone and just let her initiate this meetup. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 12 hours ago, pufika said: I have been dating for 8 months, fell in a love and a few weeks ago she even moved in with me. I got very drunk and said some terrible things to her questioning the effort she puts into the relationship, commenting on her looks and friends I don't really remember, Now a friend of hers came to start moving her stuff out Sorry this happened. Way too much, way too soon. Unfortunately you're quite incompatible. The best thing you can do is get a handle on the drinking. There's no coming back from what you said. Leave her alone. Admit it just wasn't working and neither of you were happy. Those get-your-ex-back sites prey on broken hearts and suggest writing these dopey letters, using a 30-day-no-conact rule as some sort of tool, etc The sad truth is it just wasn't working out for either of you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 This just sounds messy and toxic. It's tine to cleanly part ways, as itìs very clear that you two are not a match. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 On 1/8/2022 at 5:40 PM, pufika said: Thank you for the response. Yes, her believing that is the issue exactly. It's just that, I tend to say/act opposite of what I really want, so I distance myself to get her to reach out and show the she cares. I realised now that this is toxic and not sustainable. Apparently, I called her unattractive, which is the polar opposite of what I actually feel. I tried to figure out why and I think it's because when I showed her some things that would look good, like clothes or nail patterns/colour she just ignored it right away and got something different. Still this was a very horrible thing of me. In this case, I will leave her alone and just let her initiate this meetup. It’s good you’re realizing your behaviour is manipulative or toxic. Why are you demonstrating what clothes look good for her? Did she ask you for your opinion? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pufika Posted January 21, 2022 Author Share Posted January 21, 2022 Hi all, Thank you for your answers 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts