Am I missing something

[Sign12]

I am a 24 years old. I started dating my classmate who is 30 for about 3 months ago. We were friends for a year before we started dating. In the beginning of the relationship he was very loving and sweet.

Then we had our first fight/disagreement a month in. After that things changed. He stopped calling me "baby" and being touchy like he used to. We would sit right in front of each other in silence and I would say "Why are you quiet" and he would say he is trying to concentrate on reading a book but always answers his texts laughing. Which makes me roll my eyes cause what type of concentration is he getting.

So I broke it off before we were two months in. I stated that the reasons of breaking up was that I was not happy. I felt gas lit cause I noticed changes in how he would treat me but when I pointed it out, he would start complaining about something I have done. I felt like he lost interest and that was okay but he can't expect me to stay where I do not feel accepted and appreciated however I accept him flaws and all.

I thought I was doing him a favor. However he came to my house to apologize and I honestly wish he stayed away for me to gather myself because he came to explain his "disinterest". It made sense then.

Obviously its rubbish now I realized he never explained why he was distant he only came to tell me that I must not be distant when he is and that him not being loving should not dictate the relationship.

Now he left the country for 3 weeks (he is coming back in a few days) the contact became less and less. Then he posted a status saying that "Some people might feel like they are being cut off of peoples life but that is because they have nothing to offer but shallow conversation. They are not being cut off they are being sidelined."

I honestly would not associate any statuses he makes to be me. but the shoe fits. I have been sidelined. I have tried my best to be a pleasant gf. I struggle sometimes because of my mood disorder with other people. After one argument earlier he did say "If I knew you were like this (unstable moods) I would have not asked you out. He said this before our first break up.

Writing this, I feel as young and as stupid as I hate to admit I am.

Edited January 9, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. At 12 weeks dating and 3 breakups, lots of arguing and his strange behaviors, it would be best to end it.

Cut your losses. He's nothing but headaches and heartaches so far.

Dating is to get to know someone and see if you are a good fit. This is just turmoil.

Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. If you see him at school, just be polite but don't engage.

[Schmaggie]

My boyfriend of nearly 3 years had starting being distant with me...less contact, less words of affection, straight up ignoring my calls and texts. I had threatened and tried to breakup over this but he insisted he would change. This went on for about three months, he never did change, and eventually he broke up with me.

It's not healthy what you are experiencing. He is in a way gaslighting you. It sounds like he has an avoidant attachment style in terms of relationships. Maybe you should read up on relationship attachment styles and pay attention to the avoidant attachment type of person. This might give you some clarity.

I spent many a weekend unable to get out of bed with worry and wondering what was going on with him. It was torture. Don't let him torture you! 

[glows]

Stay away from him. He doesn’t have nice things to say about you and he posts gripes about his personal life on social media. Good grief, lady. How unattractive. No discretion. 

Choose your company wisely and be around those who cherish you and respect you. 

Sometimes you will need to weigh the risks pointing another’s flaws out. You did so in an effort to change the way he treats you, thinking perhaps that he was obtuse or unaware. It backfired because it revealed he truly doesn’t think well of you. If you weren’t sure whether you were compatible before, consider it confirmed! Move on.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 1/9/2022 at 1:48 AM, Sign12 said:

he only came to tell me that I must not be distant when he is

No. Oh heck, no. He does not get to dictate how you feel or behave. Ugh. 

On 1/9/2022 at 1:48 AM, Sign12 said:

Now he left the country for 3 weeks (he is coming back in a few days) the contact became less and less. Then he posted a status saying that "Some people might feel like they are being cut off of peoples life but that is because they have nothing to offer but shallow conversation. They are not being cut off they are being sidelined."

He's 30 years old and behaving like a sulky and attention-seeking teenager on the internet. Stay away from supposedly grown men who act like this. It's immature and arrogant. 

Get rid of him. He's not a good boyfriend

[ExpatInItaly]

On 1/9/2022 at 1:48 AM, Sign12 said:

"If I knew you were like this (unstable moods) I would have not asked you out. He said this before our first break up.

And also this? This guy is a peice of work. He is rude and trying to cut you down. 

Don't fall into the trap of trying to accept someone "flaws and all." That is a recipe for disaster when you're minimizing red flags and chalking them up to "flaws." It suggests your self-esteem is not great and you're willing to ignore your own instincts telling you to watch out, in favour of having a boyfriend. Being a pleasant person doesn't mean accepting bad bahviour and poor treatment. 

As far as having unstable moods, I do hope you're getting the right help for that. Your life will be better for it regardless of what man is by your side.