Feng Yi Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 Hello nihao, I am Feng Yi, So my question is as follows. I have a friend who I meet when I move here to America many years ago, He is great guy, he says he has auberges syndrome and is very shy, he has only his cancer surviving mother who is very racist and negative about nearly everything, she hates me because I am Asian and doesn't want me help him, I'm sure it's because I am Asian. He lives in an area that is very secluded and there it not uber, taxi, not even ambulance go out far as he live, he has no transportation anywhere and no friends besides me and his grumpy neighbor. He is very lonely and get jealous of people with girlfriends. Biggest issue he have for his whole live since he was teen, he doesn't like American girls at all, he has no power or will to like them beyond a possible friend, he only likes Asian girl, but not because of their eyes or way they look, I feel it's deeper, he says he has liked only Asian girls since he was a child and even became closer to his Chinese babysitter as a mother than his own mother. He opens up more and is more relaxed around only Asian girl, but, When I try take him around friend I have he shut down and get very shy and avoids them 100%. Later he says he feel like he out of place because he too poor and feel like friend I have too hot he says. My friend I have are models, but are my coworkers and friends, and his isn't their type anyway, I just wanted him to feel like they could become his friend. Did I do wrong bringing him around my friend? Were they too intimidation? He also politically locked against anything republican or trump based as he has a deep unchangeable hatred for the two, he says he doesn't mind having republican friends, He doesn't want trump supporter friends, but would never have a republican or trump supporter as girlfriend.. I just want be able help him find girlfriend, When I first meet him, he was the one who I meet first after I settle and he was the one who help me feel more at home here, but this was many year ago before he was forced to move here because where he lived previously skyrocketed in property value and he could not afford rent in the city any longer and he can't hold job because he also on SSD and because he freaks out when under public pressure. I tried take him to a therapy, but it didn't help him, so I tried another type but it only made him shut down more, he hates talking about his weaknesses. He is a great guy who likes sports, outdoors, malls, fashion, movies, kdrama ect, but he gets scared and intimated when he sees any women with a collage education on a dating site because he has no education and a severe learning disorder. So getting a GED is not possible for him, I tried help him get one, three times, his teacher say he just cant focus to the level needed to achieve his education, he freeze up and mind go blank and it stresses him out to point he has panic attack from having focus too hard get something done by class end. Education aside, when we out enjoying a day, he is functional to normal level, so I know he can have relationship, I just want help him find Asian girlfriend who accept him for him. He tell me he now get 1400 SSD month, and because where he live, he have nearly $700.00 after payments. But he have no one spend his life with, and is still virgin at 36, never even been kissed or on a single date ever. I feel sorry for him and want help him, so. . . What I can do so I able help him? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 It doesn't seem like he's interested in dating you or your friends. Just let him be who he is and leave him alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Feng Yi Posted January 9, 2022 Author Share Posted January 9, 2022 Actually, when I ask him would he date a friend if they serious about him, he says yes he would, but I don't date him because I have someone I am interested in already, and my friends have extremely high expectations beyond what most American men are currently, I want to help him because he is like a little brother to me, a very close friend, and he suffers from chronic loneliness and I feel sorry for him and I just want him be happy and get love he deserve, I cant imagine anyone going whole life and never knowing what it feel like to never feel loved or wanted by another. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 On 1/9/2022 at 3:23 AM, Feng Yi said: What I can do so I able help him? sit him down, give him a course in basic conversation skills and so on, take on the role of mentoring him, on the surface he will not thank you and appear resentful quite possibly, but deep down he will hopefully take a few things on board, a guy like this needs a break to meet a nice pleasant girl who will light up his soul, teaching him conversation skills will be a good step along his journey, which ultimately he will have to find in his own way. but for now he needs you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Feng Yi Posted January 12, 2022 Author Share Posted January 12, 2022 On 1/10/2022 at 5:00 AM, Foxhall said: sit him down, give him a course in basic conversation skills and so on, take on the role of mentoring him, on the surface he will not thank you and appear resentful quite possibly, but deep down he will hopefully take a few things on board, a guy like this needs a break to meet a nice pleasant girl who will light up his soul, teaching him conversation skills will be a good step along his journey, which ultimately he will have to find in his own way. but for now he needs you. Yea I try tell him many time he need be open up and try not to be so shy, and try to be more active with socialization. To try to have more confidence and get it in his head that he worth more than he lead himself to believe. He convinced himself that because he can't work, has no education and can't get one because of severe learning disorder he have, Asperger's disorder, and because he can't offer anything but himself that, it make him updatable. I know in America it shouldn't be true, Where I am from, he would be trash in the dating market but here, he should be able to find someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted January 12, 2022 Share Posted January 12, 2022 Yes its not easy- takes a while, months/years possibly to build confidence, but gradually it can be improved, he needs more social contact and to feel more accepted had a conversation recently with a desirable lady and really what came up was, people with these aspergers, autistic conditions, as crude as it sounds- they have to stick to their own communities from a dating perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
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