LShalcy Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 (edited) Hi, so if you’ve read my previous post history (mostly unsettling), you’ll know I have been in a “relationship” with a MM for over two years. I received a lot of good advice but am also very foolishly headstrong so ignored most of it. Of course, I continued my affair with him. Of course, I continued to believe everything he told me. I just found out I’m pregnant. It’s VERY early, so the chance of miscarriage etc is still very strong but I have NO other outlet. I have NOT told him yet because I am so scared of what his reaction will be. Has anyone else been in this situation? What were your experiences…the good and the bad???? Edited January 10, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator link to previous thread and clarified title 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LynneVicious Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 Well, cant say we are surprised at all. What is your plan with the pregnancy - keeping it or termination? Right now you need to maintain your health. But, if he hasn’t left his wife in 2 years, the chances of him leaving now, even with you being pregnant, are marginally slim. Has he showed you any actions? He can say whatever he wants to have his cake, but unless he’s taking decisive action to leave his marriage to be with you, his words are exactly that - words. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 Isn't this exactly what you wanted? Maybe telling him will force him to a decision. He's an adult and knows that unprotected sex leads to pregnancy. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 On 1/9/2022 at 10:33 AM, LShalcy said: It’s VERY early, so the chance of miscarriage etc is still very strong The best thing to do is get to your physician to discuss your health and options and what you plan to do. He's not involved so it's entirely your decision. It only become his problem if you decide to be a single mother, get a paternity test and get court ordered child support on the child's behalf. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 Yes please make sure you get child support lined up regardless of what he says or does. It's not for you, it's for your baby. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LShalcy Posted January 10, 2022 Author Share Posted January 10, 2022 1 hour ago, Allupinnit said: Isn't this exactly what you wanted? Maybe telling him will force him to a decision. He's an adult and knows that unprotected sex leads to pregnancy. Honestly, in a way, but now that it has happened I don’t know what to do. I don’t think we, either of us, we’re thinking of the implications. Im ONLY four weeks. I haven’t even told him as yet. I haven’t even responded to him today, I just need time to think clearly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 On 1/9/2022 at 10:33 AM, LShalcy said: I have NOT told him yet because I am so scared of what his reaction will be. At this point it doesn't matter about his reaction. He is aware he had sex with you and what the consequences were. You have a baby to think about now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 Not surprised. 7 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 (edited) I am not sure any advice I can give you would be helpful because I voted for you kicking him to the curb the DAY you found out he was married. So instead, I'll go over what I think your options are: 1. Abortion - if you do not want to have his child and/or raise this child on your own. 2. Have this baby, stay involved with him as the OW (without officially seeking child support) in your current capacity and be satisfied with whatever little time he might carve out for you and your baby (at the risk of him dropping you like a rock when he finds out you are pregnant.) 3. Let his wife know you are pregnant with his child and tell her you plan to seek child support from him, hoping his marriage blows up and he leaves her for you, then the two of you can decide together whether to keep this baby and be a family - again, at the risk of him dropping you like a rock. 4. Have this baby. Cut him completely out of your life and plan to raise this child on your own. Since you are already a single mom of two children (right?), you'll need to take the welfare of your own children into consideration when making this decision. I agree with what someone else said. He's a grown man. He knows what unprotected sex can lead to and so I see no reason to be afraid of his reaction, unless you're afraid he'll have an adverse reaction and drop you like a rock - in which case, you'll finally know his true intentions for you. So, of the options listed above, what have I missed, and/or which one appeals most to you? I suspect #4 will not be in the running, though. Unless you decide on an abortion, #4 may be the decision forced upon you if your greatest fear comes to fruition and he drops you like a rock. Edited January 10, 2022 by vla1120 13 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 (edited) There is also the possibility (in most jurisdictions) of bringing the child to term and then putting it up for adoption, although no doubt that is much easier said than done for most folks. You'd want to discuss that (and possibly several of the other options mentioned above) with a lawyer to establish what his parental rights are and aren't in your jurisdiction. For example, you might need him (as the biological father) to sign legal forms in order to put the child up for adoption. Edited January 10, 2022 by mark clemson 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 You need first to promptly speak to your doctor and discuss what your plans are. Do that before telling your married lover. Sadly you may hope it will bond you to him, but it won't. He has his own kids/family with his wife. Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"? There is a scene where she tells her married lover she's pregnant and plans to have it. It turns out to be a disaster that spirals in to a horror movie. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 I have known a few women who became pregnant by their married lover. None of them wound up with the man, in the end. That usually put a screeching halt to the affair and changed the goalposts entirely. Two of them terminated the pregnancy when they realized the man was going to jump ship, one miscarried, and the other had the baby on her own. Her now ex-lover pays child support but is not otherwise involved in the child's life. And yes, his wife knows all about it. Given this man's irresponsible, deceptive and cavalier attitude throughout this affair? You are definitely not going to be the exception who winds up in a happy little family with her MM. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
hajk Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 @LShalcy below is from your earlier post. That’s when he tells me that, “yes, he’s sure, he’s been sure ever since he’s realized he didn’t care about the consequences of me getting pregnant while he was still married because he wants me in his future and he wants to leave her”. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence V Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 On 1/9/2022 at 3:33 PM, LShalcy said: Hi, so if you’ve read my previous post history In your last(sh) post on your previous thread, you said you were trying to get him to leave his W for you, and that you would give it a couple more months. That was a couple of months ago. Has he left his W for you yet? Does he know he’s reached the deadline? Or have you changed the deadline, and backed down again, still hoping he will? Or is this your last-ditch attempt to try to make him leave? Have you read other threads on these boards from (f)OW who become pregnant by the MM? I don’t recall any working out long-term, even the one who has had several kids by one MM and another by his brother (also a MM). If you’re happy to be a single mom of multiple kids by multiple men - including a MM - go ahead, though depending on the views held by your school’s governing board, they might not be happy to have you teaching kids. If you lose your job as a result of your choices, will you be able to support his kid alone? Your xH is not going to provide financial support to raise some other married dude’s spawn, and his BW is going to make you prove that it’s his in order to secure any kind of financial support from him - and that will be minimal on a prison guard’s salary anyway. Chances are you’ll once again ignore any advice you’re given, because you still believe that this toad you kissed is going to turn into a frog, but perhaps it’s time to look in the mirror and recognise that all you’ve gained from kissing a toad is warts. 6 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence V Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 3 hours ago, mark clemson said: There is also the possibility (in most jurisdictions) of bringing the child to term and then putting it up for adoption If you’re choosing this route, you’d best find out what the implications are for your job. Will you get maternity leave? Will you be allowed to teach, heavily pregnant by a known MM that has no intention of leaving his W or involving himself in a “legitimate” R with you, or will you be forced to take unpaid leave once your pregnancy becomes obvious? Will you have the savings to cover yourself and your kids for that period - as well as any time afterward until you are allowed back or find a new job? Last time you put your career (and your kids financial security) at risk over this guy, you got away with it. You might not be so lucky this time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 Are you going to heed the advice this time? Because there's no point in us wasting our breath if not. 7 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 3 minutes ago, Crazelnut said: Are you going to heed the advice this time? Because there's no point in us wasting our breath if not. I suspect that OP will eventually tell him, hoping that it will spur him on to leave his wife finally. But now this guy will have two baby mamas to be sending money to and when reality smacks him in the face he'll pressure her to terminate the pregnancy, saying it's not the right time, and that they can try again in the future. There is NO WAY this guy wants his wife finding out about this new baby. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 11, 2022 Share Posted January 11, 2022 3 minutes ago, Allupinnit said: There is NO WAY this guy wants his wife finding out about this new baby. Agreed. Plus there will be a new opening for a mistress because of all the stress he'll be under if she goes through with the pregnancy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Maylady Posted January 11, 2022 Share Posted January 11, 2022 (edited) How do people get pregnant when they don't want to in this day and age. Especially when they are in a clandestine love triangle. What a horrible way to bring an innocent child into this world. Edited January 11, 2022 by Maylady 12 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Maylady Posted January 11, 2022 Share Posted January 11, 2022 9 hours ago, Allupinnit said: Isn't this exactly what you wanted? Maybe telling him will force him to a decision. He's an adult and knows that unprotected sex leads to pregnancy. And so should she, shouldn't she. I'm guessing she's an adult too 7 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 11, 2022 Share Posted January 11, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Maylady said: I'm guessing she's an adult too She has two other children from a previous marriage. 1 hour ago, Maylady said: How do people get pregnant when they don't want to in this day and age. They were having unprotected sex, and continued to have unprotected sex after it had been discovered that he lied to her for two years about the fact that he was married - despite all advice to make a better decision for herself. He has previously told her that he wanted her to have his baby. I’m sure there is a part of her that believes - this will tip the scales in her favour. Personally, I think you should tell his wife. Then you will really see where he stands and you can make an informed decision. Edited January 11, 2022 by BaileyB 10 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 11, 2022 Share Posted January 11, 2022 2 hours ago, Maylady said: How do people get pregnant when they don't want to in this day and age. Because she didn't not want to get pregnant, based on her previous posts about this affair. 5 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 11, 2022 Share Posted January 11, 2022 40 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Personally, I think you should tell his wife. Then you will really see where he stands and you can make an informed decision. The beautiful part of this plan is that it also gives his wife the information she needs to make an informed decision about her life. Win-Win 9 Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernIslander Posted January 11, 2022 Share Posted January 11, 2022 Never been in this situation but know several who have. None turned out well and the OW ended up raising the child on their own. It’s a very difficult situation to bring a child into. I think you need to rip off the band aid and tell him. Now that a child is involved, things are about get extremely serious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 11, 2022 Share Posted January 11, 2022 Tell his wife - she deserves to know. Maybe even tell her before you tell him. he won’t leave her - so plan to raise the baby yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts