Pregnant with married affair partner of two years.

[stillafool]

39 minutes ago, pepperbird2 said:

f I were in his shoes, I;d be terrified you'd spill the beans to his wife.

This is what could put your life in danger.  If you decide to keep this baby make sure to tell his wife right away for your own protection.

[BaileyB]

5 hours ago, LShalcy said:

I am seeing his this Friday into Saturday afternoon so we will have plenty of time to talk *in person* about what this means moving forward. 

I’m assuming he told his wife he is “working.”

6 hours ago, LShalcy said:

He wasn’t thrilled and he was surprised but he hasn’t abandoned me and he said we need to decide what we are going to do

Not exactly the romantic fantasy you had created together when you decided to have unprotected sex. 

6 hours ago, LShalcy said:

During our conversation yesterday he did reassure me by saying he “is really happy he found me, he would never find another woman like me” and that he did still love me.

Meaningless words if he got you pregnant and he still says “I can’t leave my marriage and my family…”

But, I suppose we will see what he has to say this weekend - 

[Allupinnit]

@LShalcy - how are YOU feeling?  Forget him for a minute.  Do you want this baby?  

[vla1120]

21 hours ago, LShalcy said:

I did talk to him and I told him actually last week. He wasn’t thrilled and he was surprised but he hasn’t abandoned me and he said we need to decide what we are going to do but ultimately it is my choice. We talked all weekend, phone calls and texts alike. During our conversation yesterday he did reassure me by saying he “is really happy he found me, he would never find another woman like me” and that he did still love me. So whether he is saying it just because, he didn’t have to and it felt good to hear.
I am seeing his this Friday into Saturday afternoon so we will have plenty of time to talk *in person* about what this means moving forward. 

Even though he has talked about getting you pregnant, he wasn't thrilled? If I were you, that would make me question the sincerity of him telling you he wanted to get you pregnant. In turn, that would make me question everything he ever told you (but you already know he's a liar and a cheat). Do you get the impression he tells you what he thinks you want to hear to keep you hanging on? How does he get an overnight with you? Does his wife think he is on a business trip? If I were you, I would take his unfavorable response to mean he has no intention of leaving his wife and I don't think he's going to be very happy if you upset the apple cart by demanding/expecting him to leave his family for you. Given his reaction, it looks like he wants to keep his happy little family intact and only expected to have you on the side. Please be careful, here. 

[Allupinnit]

Yeah I'm also wondering what lie he's going to tell his wife to get to stay over Friday.  Correctional officers don't go away on business do they?

[LShalcy]

15 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

Yeah I'm also wondering what lie he's going to tell his wife to get to stay over Friday.  Correctional officers don't go away on business do they?

We’ve had plenty of overnights together, not sure why this is such a big surprise.

[RebeccaR]

20 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

Yeah I'm also wondering what lie he's going to tell his wife to get to stay over Friday.  Correctional officers don't go away on business do they?

He works a night shift so she probably thinks he’s working 

[Allupinnit]

5 hours ago, LShalcy said:

We’ve had plenty of overnights together, not sure why this is such a big surprise.

Pardon me. 

You're a ticking time bomb now, to him at least.  I highly suspect he's going to pressure you to have an abortion.  He's been spending all week with his wife and daughter, keeping this life-ruining nuclear bomb under wraps, knowing that he's got this weekend coming up to convince you of it, praying to God you agree and that his wife never finds out about you or this love child.

Why didn't you answer my first, more relevant question?  How do YOU feel right now?  Do you want this baby?  Are you willing to have an abortion if that's what he wants? 

My opinion doesn't amount to a hill of beans, but come on, somewhere deep down you really wanted this or you would have protected yourself.

 

Edited January 25, 2022 by Allupinnit

[stillafool]

49 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

You're a ticking time bomb now, to him at least.  I highly suspect he's going to pressure you to have an abortion.

True!  This is why I can't stress enough that if you decide to keep the baby tell his wife.  She's going to find out anyway but getting ahead of him will take the threat off the table.  Make sure you tell him that you've told all your family and friends that he is the father of your child.

[basil67]

If you have the baby, I'm assuming you'll be OK with 50/50 custody?

[Blind-Sided]

On 1/10/2022 at 3:27 PM, vla1120 said:

I am not sure any advice I can give you would be helpful because I voted for you kicking him to the curb the DAY you found out he was married. So instead, I'll go over what I think your options are:

1. Abortion - if you do not want to have his child and/or raise this child on your own. 

2. Have this baby, stay involved with him as the OW (without officially seeking child support) in your current capacity and be satisfied with whatever little time he might carve out for you and your baby (at the risk of him dropping you like a rock when he finds out you are pregnant.)

3. Let his wife know you are pregnant with his child and tell her you plan to seek child support from him, hoping his marriage blows up and he leaves her for you, then the two of you can decide together whether to keep this baby and be a family - again, at the risk of him dropping you like a rock.

4. Have this baby. Cut him completely out of your life and plan to raise this child on your own.

Since you are already a single mom of two children (right?), you'll need to take the welfare of your own children into consideration when making this decision. 

I agree with what someone else said. He's a grown man. He knows what unprotected sex can lead to and so I see no reason to be afraid of his reaction, unless you're afraid he'll have an adverse reaction and drop you like a rock - in which case, you'll finally know his true intentions for you.

So, of the options listed above, what have I missed, and/or which one appeals most to you? I suspect #4 will not be in the running, though. Unless you decide on an abortion, #4 may be the decision forced upon you if your greatest fear comes to fruition and he drops you like a rock.

I vote for #4.  He's a cheater, and it's time to make him face the lies he's put out there. 

 

[Amethyst68]

On 1/24/2022 at 6:11 PM, LShalcy said:

During our conversation yesterday he did reassure me by saying he “is really happy he found me, he would never find another woman like me” and that he did still love me.  

I don't know why but something about this screams break up to me, almost like 'it's not you it's me'.

[LShalcy]

15 minutes ago, Amethyst68 said:

I don't know why but something about this screams break up to me, almost like 'it's not you it's me'.

Thank you for your input.

[Prudence V]

On 1/24/2022 at 6:11 PM, LShalcy said:

He wasn’t thrilled and he was surprised but he hasn’t abandoned me

He was surprised? That bareback sex makes babies? He already has a kid - does he think the stork brought her? I’d be seriously worried - it sounds like either his IQ is in single digits, or that he thinks (his) actions don’t have consequences. Charitably, I suspect the latter, but realistically I’m not sure which is worse. 
 

On 1/24/2022 at 6:11 PM, LShalcy said:

During our conversation yesterday he did reassure me by saying he “is really happy he found me, he would never find another woman like me” and that he did still love me.

He’s right about not finding another woman like you. Anyone else would have kicked him to the kerb on finding out he’d lied to them for two solid years, every day, with no remorse, about being married. 

 

On 1/24/2022 at 6:11 PM, LShalcy said:

we will have plenty of time to talk *in person* about what this means moving forward.

We know what this means: he’s going to have to shell out child support from his meagre prison guard wages, which his BW is not going to be happy about, so as much as he told you he loved the idea of impregnating you (the ultimate testosterone fantasy! It must make him feel like such a Real Man!), the reality that he’s probably slowly waking up to is that babies cost money and it’s money he doesn’t have / earn, with an existing wife and family. So while he will tell you it’s ultimately your choice - which it is - he’s going to be encouraging you to get rid of it before it becomes something he actually has to tell his BW about. Because at that point his little games of “naughty schoolboy and the teacher” confront reality, and I’m not sure he’s the kind of guy who deals well with reality.