Author picaso3183 Posted March 14, 2022 Author Share Posted March 14, 2022 22 hours ago, glows said: Hot/cold in the relationship and expecting to be friends is her not recognizing or denying that there’s anything wrong in her behaviour. By attempting a conversation about “us” know that you’re also expecting answers from a person with a track record of behaving inappropriately or falling short in a relationship. The probability that you will continue to not have the answers you seek are very high. In future seek answers and place your trust only in individuals who have integrity and are reliable. Look for these traits in your relationships. I agree with everything but it is so hard not to text. I keep thinking why she even text me and play this scenerio out that she wants me back and will try. But I know it is not reality. But so tempting to contact her. Just confused as why she would even bother texting me. Surely she knows we are not really going to be friends Link to post Share on other sites
Author picaso3183 Posted March 18, 2022 Author Share Posted March 18, 2022 New .update now...things taken a new turn. I am sooo confused right now. So after a week I broke no contact rule after she messaged me. We met up, talked, had sex but did not really clarify anything. We have been texting since but not really discussing us. More general stuff. No plans to meet and no clarification on the status of our relationship. But I have realised more and more I really do feel strongly about this women. So much so I am not interested in another women I have had a few dates with. She is very attractive, a lovely person and very keen on us. So really do I walk away from this person now before I get hurt or try to pursue this. Or play iy cool and let her chase me, if she does great, if not I walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 18, 2022 Share Posted March 18, 2022 5 minutes ago, picaso3183 said: Or play iy cool and let her chase me, if she does great, Actually, no, this is not great. It would mean she's only interested when you are unavailable, which renders a relationship impossible. There is no point in continuing on this merry-go-round. She isn't into you the way you're into her, so it's not going to end the way you hoped. You're wasting your time on her. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 18, 2022 Share Posted March 18, 2022 31 minutes ago, picaso3183 said: New .update now...things taken a new turn. I am sooo confused right now. So after a week I broke no contact rule after she messaged me. We met up, talked, had sex but did not really clarify anything. We have been texting since but not really discussing us. More general stuff. No plans to meet and no clarification on the status of our relationship. But I have realised more and more I really do feel strongly about this women. So much so I am not interested in another women I have had a few dates with. She is very attractive, a lovely person and very keen on us. So really do I walk away from this person now before I get hurt or try to pursue this. Or play iy cool and let her chase me, if she does great, if not I walk away. Who is keen? The new woman you’re recently seeing or the flaky one? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 18, 2022 Share Posted March 18, 2022 35 minutes ago, picaso3183 said: We met up, talked, had sex but did not really clarify anything. I am not interested in another women I have had a few dates with. Decide which one you wish to date and ask her to be exclusive. Unless you feel like playing the field. Don't string the other woman along. It's up to you to take action, not play "chase" games. Link to post Share on other sites
Author picaso3183 Posted March 18, 2022 Author Share Posted March 18, 2022 28 minutes ago, glows said: Who is keen? The new woman you’re recently seeing or the flaky one? The new woman. Had 3 dates so far. Link to post Share on other sites
Author picaso3183 Posted March 18, 2022 Author Share Posted March 18, 2022 25 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Decide which one you wish to date and ask her to be exclusive. Unless you feel like playing the field. Don't string the other woman along. It's up to you to take action, not play "chase" games. Yeah I understand what you mean. I know the girl ive dated only got in touch because she thought I was dating and she is jealous. Even typing this I feel such a fool because it is so obvious she is not into me. Yet so hard to end it. ( again ) A week passed and i was doing ok. But she has confused me contacting me and telling me she has " feelings" for me Link to post Share on other sites
Author picaso3183 Posted March 18, 2022 Author Share Posted March 18, 2022 56 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Actually, no, this is not great. It would mean she's only interested when you are unavailable, which renders a relationship impossible. There is no point in continuing on this merry-go-round. She isn't into you the way you're into her, so it's not going to end the way you hoped. You're wasting your time on her. I suspect you are right. Yet part of me wants to believe it is not the case. I have let myself get caught with feelings. So what now. No contacting her? Or block. Or have a conversation asking her not to contact me...? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 18, 2022 Share Posted March 18, 2022 2 minutes ago, picaso3183 said: I know the girl ive dated only got in touch because she thought I was dating and she is jealous. If you play musical chairs with these women sooner or later they will get fed up and find someone else who they don't perceive as a player or playing games. Your ego may be stroked for now but games get very old very fast. Link to post Share on other sites
Author picaso3183 Posted March 18, 2022 Author Share Posted March 18, 2022 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: If you play musical chairs with these women sooner or later they will get fed up and find someone else who they don't perceive as a player or playing games. Your ego may be stroked for now but games get very old very fast. I'm not playing musical chairs. I ended it with original girl after making clear my feelings. She did not feel the same.so I was transparent and told her I was now ending things, going to date and if her feelings ever changed asked her to reach out. Fast forward this week and she did reach out. In this time of us non contact i have dated 3 times with this 'new" women. We have not had sex or discussed exclusivity or anything. Still VERY early. But i agree it is not fair to continue to have dates if I don't feel the same. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 18, 2022 Share Posted March 18, 2022 9 minutes ago, picaso3183 said: The new woman. Had 3 dates so far. I do believe we always receive what we put out. You’ve been wobbly and unsure from the first post in this thread and I think it may benefit you more if you quit dating in general and spend your time doing more worthy things. Feeling torn and indecisive for prolonged periods will just draw individuals similar to you at worst or repel individuals unlike you at best. Eventually anyone who is worthy or open, ready or available for a stable relationship will realize you’re not very well yourself and you’ll keep hitting these brick walls wondering why things are so difficult for you. Take a break and get right with yourself before pursuing anyone else. I’m reading a frantic and unsettled energy in your writing and it feels very painful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author picaso3183 Posted March 18, 2022 Author Share Posted March 18, 2022 6 minutes ago, glows said: I do believe we always receive what we put out. You’ve been wobbly and unsure from the first post in this thread and I think it may benefit you more if you quit dating in general and spend your time doing more worthy things. Feeling torn and indecisive for prolonged periods will just draw individuals similar to you at worst or repel individuals unlike you at best. Eventually anyone who is worthy or open, ready or available for a stable relationship will realize you’re not very well yourself and you’ll keep hitting these brick walls wondering why things are so difficult for you. Take a break and get right with yourself before pursuing anyone else. I’m reading a frantic and unsettled energy in your writing and it feels very painful. I appreciate the advice but I don't think that's an accurate picture. After my split from ex I was single, happy, had counselling and moved on. We have an excellent relationship and co parent well. I made a conscious choice to date because I want to find a partner. Not casual sex ( which admittedly I did for a few months). I met this person and we were very casual intially. But my issue is she is sooo closed in terms.of feelings. Where as I am.very open. I am not needy in the sense of constant txts or meets but I like to have clarity in my life. I have been sooo clear with her but my feelings have changed which now leaves me in a heart vs head situation. I know it is highly likely she is not interested, but she says different.. that is my dilemma. The other person was just a few dates and as is life i have not clicked with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 18, 2022 Share Posted March 18, 2022 (edited) 7 minutes ago, picaso3183 said: I appreciate the advice but I don't think that's an accurate picture. After my split from ex I was single, happy, had counselling and moved on. We have an excellent relationship and co parent well. I made a conscious choice to date because I want to find a partner. Not casual sex ( which admittedly I did for a few months). I met this person and we were very casual intially. But my issue is she is sooo closed in terms.of feelings. Where as I am.very open. I am not needy in the sense of constant txts or meets but I like to have clarity in my life. I have been sooo clear with her but my feelings have changed which now leaves me in a heart vs head situation. I know it is highly likely she is not interested, but she says different.. that is my dilemma. The other person was just a few dates and as is life i have not clicked with her. It’s too little too late. You were unsure at the start and it’s also possible it was a turn off. First impressions do count, I’m afraid. At one point recently she was still questioning what you wanted. This to me suggests she doesn’t believe what you say either or is just biding her time until she finds another man to replace you. Either way, since she is not into you or you feel it’s not mutual the answers are fairly straightforward. You don’t need to rely on what she says. Follow a person’s actions. Edited March 18, 2022 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
Author picaso3183 Posted March 18, 2022 Author Share Posted March 18, 2022 1 minute ago, glows said: It’s too little too late. You were unsure at the start and it’s also possible it was a turn off. First impressions do count, I’m afraid. At one point recently she was still questioning what you wanted. This to me suggests she doesn’t believe what you say either or is just biding her time until she finds another man to replace you. Either way, since she is not into you or you feel it’s not mutual the answers are fairly straightforward. You don’t need to rely on what she says. Follow a person’s actions. Why is it so difficult to follow your instincts? Yeah like I say I have been unsure of her feelings as she is very guarded. Gradually she has opended up slowly but I do feel it may be too late to salvage. Again she may doubt my feelings ( she has had some bad past relationships by her own admission ) But like I said earlier it is heart vs head. I have developed feelings for her hence why following instincts is not easy. I went no contact for a week. She reached out to me. When you have feelings for a person and THEY contact you, and then they tell.you they have feelings for you, you want to believe it. Naiive I guess. My question is this... Do i a. Block her now b. Ask her not to contact me again C. Discuss over phone Thanks for the advice. I know this is all complicated but it helps to have objective advice Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 18, 2022 Share Posted March 18, 2022 17 minutes ago, picaso3183 said: Yeah like I say I have been unsure of her feelings as she is very guarded. Gradually she has opended up slowly but I do feel it may be too late to salvage. Again she may doubt my feelings ( she has had some bad past relationships by her own admission ) But like I said earlier it is heart vs head. I have developed feelings for her hence why following instincts is not easy. I went no contact for a week. She reached out to me. When you have feelings for a person and THEY contact you, and then they tell.you they have feelings for you, you want to believe it. Naiive I guess. My question is this... Do i a. Block her now b. Ask her not to contact me again C. Discuss over phone Thanks for the advice. I know this is all complicated but it helps to have objective advice You’ve both been down this road before. Just mute the contact and don’t respond. You’re not dating. The sex was a slip in better judgment. Nothing has changed. No conversations are needed. Know also that desiring to talk more seems to be a constant for you because you have feelings for her and didn’t ever feel you got enough out of this situation. It’s a response to emotion. Don’t get caught up in what you feel. Do what you have to do in order to put this behind you and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 19, 2022 Share Posted March 19, 2022 I don't think there's anything left to discuss, really. Simply tell her that you don't wish to keep in contact anymore, and that's it. Block and be done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author picaso3183 Posted March 19, 2022 Author Share Posted March 19, 2022 8 hours ago, glows said: You’ve both been down this road before. Just mute the contact and don’t respond. You’re not dating. The sex was a slip in better judgment. Nothing has changed. No conversations are needed. Know also that desiring to talk more seems to be a constant for you because you have feelings for her and didn’t ever feel you got enough out of this situation. It’s a response to emotion. Don’t get caught up in what you feel. Do what you have to do in order to put this behind you and move on. Yeah you are right thanks for the advice. This is my thinking deep down and I am frustrated that I broke no contact and met her. Think she reached out for an ego boost. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted March 19, 2022 Share Posted March 19, 2022 I'll be honest with you, OP: from your very first post on this subject, it sounded to me like she wasn't very interested and you were trying to convince her to be interested. And that's never a good thing. You can't make someone want what you want. I'm not even mad at her. Her behavior as you described it was everything but encouraging. So I can't honestly say she was tremendously deceptive or lacking in integrity or whatever. If you were being objective, you'd be able to see her ambivalence for what it was. I can't help wondering what the attraction is for you. Is it possible that you are yearning for her so much because she is emotionally unavailable? Link to post Share on other sites
Author picaso3183 Posted March 20, 2022 Author Share Posted March 20, 2022 On 3/19/2022 at 7:21 AM, Acacia98 said: I'll be honest with you, OP: from your very first post on this subject, it sounded to me like she wasn't very interested and you were trying to convince her to be interested. And that's never a good thing. You can't make someone want what you want. I'm not even mad at her. Her behavior as you described it was everything but encouraging. So I can't honestly say she was tremendously deceptive or lacking in integrity or whatever. If you were being objective, you'd be able to see her ambivalence for what it was. I can't help wondering what the attraction is for you. Is it possible that you are yearning for her so much because she is emotionally unavailable? Thanks for reply. Why do you think that ? ( i kind of think that sometimes but then other things she says and does make me think otherwise ) Why the attraction? Who knows. When we are together there is just a buzz, we both laugh and talk for hours. I guess I have developed feelings for her. So although logically what you and others have said is highly likely I cannot end it now. ( well i could as I did for a week but she then text me ) She has been texting me a few times since we met last week and she invited me to see her but I had plans. Today nothing. But we have plans to see eachother tomorrow Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted March 20, 2022 Share Posted March 20, 2022 2 minutes ago, picaso3183 said: Thanks for reply. Why do you think that ? ( i kind of think that sometimes but then other things she says and does make me think otherwise ) Why the attraction? Who knows. When we are together there is just a buzz, we both laugh and talk for hours. I guess I have developed feelings for her. So although logically what you and others have said is highly likely I cannot end it now. ( well i could as I did for a week but she then text me ) She has been texting me a few times since we met last week and she invited me to see her but I had plans. Today nothing. But we have plans to see eachother tomorrow Then see where it goes but be prepared and know what you’re signing up for. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 Just know that she's here for a good time but not a long time, OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 (edited) On 3/19/2022 at 7:52 AM, picaso3183 said: So after a week I broke no contact rule after she messaged me. We met up, talked, had sex but did not really clarify anything. We have been texting since but not really discussing us. More general stuff. No plans to meet and no clarification on the status of our relationship. Do you see the irony here? You've been dating someone you're really into, but after three dates with them and not yet exclusive, you slept with the ex. Perhaps this gives more context about your ex doing the same to you. I hope that you're able to not hold her prior actions against her now. Edited March 22, 2022 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author picaso3183 Posted March 23, 2022 Author Share Posted March 23, 2022 15 hours ago, basil67 said: Do you see the irony here? You've been dating someone you're really into, but after three dates with them and not yet exclusive, you slept with the ex. Perhaps this gives more context about your ex doing the same to you. I hope that you're able to not hold her prior actions against her now. Confused me I am afraid. I am not " really into " the person I have had 3 dates with. In fact I am breaking it off with her. I could string her along and get sex, but I am not that kind of guy. Irony of the person I am dating having a one night stand while not exclusive... not sure it is irony as the situations are not comparable. I have not had sex with person I have dated. Also no I do not hold her prior actions against her as I did say in previous thread Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 23, 2022 Share Posted March 23, 2022 7 hours ago, picaso3183 said: Confused me I am afraid. I am not " really into " the person I have had 3 dates with. In fact I am breaking it off with her. I could string her along and get sex, but I am not that kind of guy. Irony of the person I am dating having a one night stand while not exclusive... not sure it is irony as the situations are not comparable. I have not had sex with person I have dated. Also no I do not hold her prior actions against her as I did say in previous thread Apparently I got confused too. I thought you really liked the girl you'd had three dates with, but slept with the ex during that time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author picaso3183 Posted March 24, 2022 Author Share Posted March 24, 2022 8 hours ago, basil67 said: Apparently I got confused too. I thought you really liked the girl you'd had three dates with, but slept with the ex during that time. No I mean 3 dates is very early, she is really nice but no spark unfortunately so I am not going to string her along. Link to post Share on other sites
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