I Think His Wife Should Know

[Dis]

Years ago I connected with this guy online. Don't remember if it was OLD or IG. But I remember I dropped him for some reason. And now, he hit me back up on IG and went straight for, let's hookup. I, of course was offended because even men who court me and treat me with respect have little chance at that unless things actually go somewhere so....who does this guy think he is? And I said that. 

 

He then changed his tune and asked if could take me out, yada yada. I didn't agree to it but he was very persistent and trying to be nostalgic, bringing up the last time we talked (which I don't even remember if we ever met or what he talked about). And I still didn't agree to meet. 

 

I then looked him up knowing the one thing I know about him, his name and that's he's a well known chef. I wasn't even trying to get the details on him , just was curious. 

 

So I'm watching a video of him cooking and all the sudden he says, "I make this for my wife at home." And I almost died 😂 I was like, yeah...figures

 

But then I thought, how many men do this? Either cheat or attempt to cheat on their wives? How many men degrade not only their wives but women like me who have honest and genuine intentions of being with someone wonderful and here's these slimey scumey guys trying to hit us up for sex? ANDDDDD how many of these guys are actually exposed for who they are and what they're doing? I think not many. I think most get away with it. 

 

Well, I decided to change my tune with him and pretend I want it. My friend tracked down the wife. And once I feel like guy has dug himself enough of a whole via text, his wife is going to be the receiver of the screenshots. 

 

And I'm not doing this out of spite, this guy was  barely a thought for me, but because his wife should know who's she's married to, this guy should know there's consequences and I should have the right to send a clear message...I'm not that girl. 

[Gaeta]

Don't bother, she probably already knows and if she doesn't he will convinced her you're a crazy groopy.  It's no different then those married men hitting on you on dating site, delete and block.

[Dis]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

Don't bother, she probably already knows and if she doesn't he will convinced her you're a crazy groopy.  It's no different then those married men hitting on you on dating site, delete and block.

He's not famous. just has a few resteraunts down on the coast. Not at all well known enough for groopies. 

 

His profile pic is years old and he's now fat and bald. Aged poorly. 

Edited January 11, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[Dis]

I'm not going to have a convo exchange with her either

 

Just going to drop the screen shots and say I had no idea he was married...and leave it at that

 

Her reaction is her reaction and it won't be on my time 

[Alvi]

Dis, you are seriously wasting your energy on this guy. You are allowing him to rent way too much space in your heard. Just block him and never give him another thought. If he ever contacts you in the future, block him again and again.

1 hour ago, Dis said:

I'm not going to have a convo exchange with her either

 

Just going to drop the screen shots and say I had no idea he was married...and leave it at that

 

Her reaction is her reaction and it won't be on my time 

You could do that. But why? Don't you think blocking him is going to be a lot easier and less hassle? For all you know, they might have an open relationship or he is an "ethical" cheater (whatever that supposed to be).

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Dis said:

Her reaction is her reaction and it won't be on my time 

So you're planning to explode her world and just walk away.

[Dis]

11 minutes ago, basil67 said:

So you're planning to explode her world and just walk away.

If I were her I would want to know and according to most people here they would want to know too

 

And of course I'm not going to console her. I don't know her. 

 

You're looking at this the wrong way. I'm not exploding her world. Her husband did that. I'm just exposing it and if I were in her shoes, I'd want someone to do the same for me. 

[Dis]

18 minutes ago, Alvi said:

Dis, you are seriously wasting your energy on this guy. You are allowing him to rent way too much space in your heard. Just block him and never give him another thought. If he ever contacts you in the future, block him again and again.

You could do that. But why? Don't you think blocking him is going to be a lot easier and less hassle? For all you know, they might have an open relationship or he is an "ethical" cheater (whatever that supposed to be).

I'm considering that. Hence why I posted. 

 

Not sure what I'll do yet. I really do think though that accountability needs to be had and more often than not, married men who cheat don't ever have to own up. I don't think that's fair. 

 

And it's not consuming me either. That's not the motive for this. If it were you, the wife...would you want to know? 

 

Not sure what I'll do yet

[ExpatInItaly]

Eh, you're overly-invested in the outcome of this.

Just ignore him, block and keep moving. He'll dig his own grave without your help. 

[Dis]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Eh, you're overly-invested in the outcome of this.

Just ignore him, block and keep moving. He'll dig his own grave without your help. 

Maybe

 

But at the very least I'll tell him I'll meet him for drinks then not show up

 

Don't tell me he doesn't deserve that 😂

[FMW]

I don't get why you would want to wade into this.  It's not your place to expose his cheating, feeling good about yourself while not caring how your actions impact his wife.   

It does sound vindictive against him and without any care as to the effect on her.  It's not for you to decide how others should "look at this".  Marriage is complicated and outside "help" is seldom appreciated.  Trying to force accountability on someone else doesn't work.  And it's not your job.  

He's almost certainly done this with other women, and it's very likely his wife already knows and has either decided to just deal with it for her own reasons, or is still working out what she's going to do about it.  Sadly it goes on more than you would imagine.  Again, you just don't know. 

As for him, he's not worth another second of thought from you.  Playing games with him only lowers you.  

[ExpatInItaly]

10 minutes ago, Dis said:

But at the very least I'll tell him I'll meet him for drinks then not show up

 

Don't tell me he doesn't deserve that 😂

Again, why bother?

It doesn't make sense to poke the hornet's nest. You don't really know who you're dealing with. Waste of time trying to teach a guy like this a lesson. 

[Dis]

2 minutes ago, FMW said:

I don't get why you would want to wade into this.  It's not your place to expose his cheating, feeling good about yourself while not caring how your actions impact his wife.   

It does sound vindictive against him and without any care as to the effect on her.  It's not for you to decide how others should "look at this".  Marriage is complicated and outside "help" is seldom appreciated.  Trying to force accountability on someone else doesn't work.  And it's not your job.  

He's almost certainly done this with other women, and it's very likely his wife already knows and has either decided to just deal with it for her own reasons, or is still working out what she's going to do about it.  Sadly it goes on more than you would imagine.  Again, you just don't know. 

As for him, he's not worth another second of thought from you.  Playing games with him only lowers you.  

Bold of you to assume I don't care about how his wife feels. I actually do, hence why I want her to know. I once had a partner who was cheating on me our entire relationship, people knew and didn't tell me. What I would've given for someone to tell me the truth. But I do realize every situation is different and maybe she doesn't want to know, or already knows, or they have some kind of agreement. 

 

And let's not pretend like I would be the one ruining her world so don't put that scarlet A on my chest. Her husband is doing a fine job of that on his own. Maybe message him and direct some of that salt his way because I don't own it. 

[Dis]

I consulted with my friend who tracked down the wife

 

Decided not to tell her. Whether that's going to serve the greater good of the situation...who knows. Maybe she'd want to know. I would and I know a lot of people on here who would want to know too. Maybe she even suspects it and that would give her the proof she needs. Or maybe she'd turn a blind eye and it would only serve to hurt her.  

 

I do know that it might cause more drama for me so I'll just ghost. I don't feel the need to block. Don't really care if he keeps at it. 

[FMW]

17 minutes ago, Dis said:

Bold of you to assume I don't care about how his wife feels.

Not bold, it's how the following came off to me. 

2 hours ago, Dis said:

Her reaction is her reaction and it won't be on my time 

 

[Dis]

1 minute ago, FMW said:

Not bold, it's how the following came off to me. 

 

 

 

Obviously hit a nerve. I've been cheated on too. But I don't usually take it out on the woman who are preyed on. Guess we're not the same. 

Edited January 11, 2022 by Dis

[ExpatInItaly]

15 minutes ago, Dis said:

I don't feel the need to block. Don't really care if he keeps at it.

Are you a little flattered by his attention? 

It seems odd that you wouldn't just cut this off at the source otherwise. 

[Dis]

Just now, ExpatInItaly said:

Are you a little flattered by his attention? 

It seems odd that you wouldn't just cut this off at the source otherwise. 

Why do women on LS always go to that? That we're flattered by a cheating man hitting us up for sex?

 

Treat your fellow women better 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 minutes ago, Dis said:

Why do women on LS always go to that? That we're flattered by a cheating man hitting us up for sex?

Treat your fellow women better 

Rubbish.

You're keeping that door to communication open for  a reason. I would reflect on why that is and what you're getting out of it. It could serve you better instead of going on the defensive. 

[Dis]

5 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Rubbish.

You're keeping that door to communication open for  a reason. I would reflect on why that is and what you're getting out of it. It could serve you better instead of going on the defensive. 

Plenty of people don't feel the need to block. Especially when they haven't even the met the person. 

 

Rubbish...you just want to degrade other women by implying they're flattered by a slimey married man who wants nothing but to use a woman for sex. And if you don't want me on the defense...don't insult my character the way you did above. You wouldn't take kindly to that either. Don't manipulate the situation. 

 

I'm waiting for my husband...not a cheap one night stand 

Edited January 11, 2022 by Dis

[ShyViolet]

Nah I'm not on board with this plan of yours.  It's actually very immature of you to do this.  If you don't like the guy and aren't interested in him then you just cut off the conversation.  That's what a mature adult does.  Not play games like this.  

Whether you think he's a bad person or not for supposedly cheating on his wife, or trying to, it's really not your place to get involved.  You have no idea of what may be going on in their relationship or what the situation is.

[ShyViolet]

53 minutes ago, Dis said:

. Don't really care if he keeps at it. 

This is a very weird thing of you to say.  Either you are interested in the guy or not.  Why would you be ok with him "keeping at it", unless on some level you don't want to cut off the communication with him.  [ ] 

Edited January 11, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility