not everyone's (Post in OW, and that's where it is meant to be)

[Sami_D]

I was once a MW involved in a relationship with a MM. We each divorced our respective spouses and live together now.

 

Thanks for your post.

 

Which category do you think your MM fitted into?

[Sheba]

Thanks for your post.

 

Which category do you think your MM fitted into?

 

I will climb over the hill of doubt about your sincerity in asking this question, and give you an answer.

 

I think he was the Unhappy Married man, married to an equally Unhappy Married woman. His wife had asked him repeatedly to leave the house before I entered the picture. He was resisting for the sake of the children, as he had passed the point of believing his marriage could succeed. The wife may have pushed the issue had he not packed up and moved when he did, she may not have.

 

So, I like to think of it as being almost the same as if he had actually left the marriage before we became involved, but I may just be rationalizing!

[elmejor]

Hello, I've been reading alot of the posts her and wih this one I think the most important reason is that they cheat because they dont love their husband or wife anymore which is sad. But I know many second marriages that came from an affair during the first. A woman I know who has a married boyfreind told me she does not think about it being cheating sinc they love each other, and she said if he knew her first instead of his wife he would have married her instead. I think shes being honest.

[Hot Coco]

JEEEZZZZZZZZ....talk about being in denial!

[elmejor]

So, you have met my friend? Or your just saying its not possible that they do love each other? No one has said much about that, from what I see here. Everybody wants to talk about sex all the time, but what about love? I know alot of people who are married but not for the first time, but happy now and I tell you, staying for the childrens sake isnt alws good too. I wished all the time my parents would split because they were not happy. Differnt story.

[Hot Coco]

No I haven't met your friend. I don't have to meet her to know she's in denial...saying that just because they love each other, it's not cheating!!! WOW! I don't even know where to start with that one! If that's not denial I don't know what IS!!!!!!!!!

[OldEurope]

Your a romantic...

 

Certainly there are stories out there where the OW gets the MM.. But those are not success stories..Quite the opposite..

 

Those are failures.

 

You cannot base a success on all the pain and hurt that has been caused to all of the innocents.

 

This is the reason it is a failure

 

 

This is odd. Perhaps you did not read my own story.

 

But it is tad harsh to assume that such situations are only "failures". There is no failure in two people who are deeply in love and who marry, whatever the difficult circumstances might be.

 

And there is no "success" in hanging around a dismal, theatrical, and in some cases self-destructive marriage.

 

"Innocents" as you call it, can be hurt in a terrible marriage.

 

For why "act" for the children when what they deserve is the honesty about their parents' actual situation.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I wished all the time my parents would split because they were not happy.

 

I can absolutely understand this.

 

When two parents reach a mutual decision to end their relationship because of irreconcilable differences, the children are somewhat better able to remain neutral regarding the break up. There's less chance of having to choose sides and have your loyalties divided.

 

But how might you be effected differently if you discovered that one of your parents were having an sexual affair? Let's say your father walked out on you and your mother for another woman? Or your mother walked out on you and her family because she hooked up with another man?

 

Would you loose respect for the parent who had lied, cheated and betrayed the other parent that you also loved? Would you feel torn between consoling the emotionally devastated parent and supporting the conduct of the dishonest parent who decided selfishly that their own happiness was worth more than their family?

 

More importantly: what lessons, fears, doubts and hang-ups regarding relationships might you take from witnessing all this? Might it distort your perception of how typical marriages/family units function…would you be less apt to "trust" in love (or people) again given that the someone you loved and trusted above all others had let you down? --- Particularly a parent (or role model), who every child looks up to for guidance and example. The same parent, who in the past, has scolded and punished you for telling lies and being deceitful.

 

Sort of hypocritical, would you agree?

 

And I can tell you from first hand experience (from my own life and from working with many other children who come from dysfunctional/abusive/broken homes) that it is very difficult to find respect for someone who says: "do as I say, and not what I do." Regardless if it's a parent, teacher or other adult authority figure. Children are far more intuitive than we give them credit for and very much affected by the examples we set … even well into their adulthood.

 

Growing up in a household with an adulterous parent who inflicts emotional pain on the other isn't so much different than watching a parent who is emotionally and physically abusive … or one who is chemically addicted or mentally unstable. Either way, their irrational and self-serving behavior inflicts unfair pain on those who rely on them most. And too often, the damage done to that parent/child relationship is irreversible.