It's complicated

[Beebop1234]

Hi so I have been chatting to a friend that lives in America, I live in the UK. We are gaming buddies and have been chatting for 5 months, the majority of that has been flirty and suggestive. We have a lot of things in common and get on well. Just before Christmas he stopped messaging as much and then he put me in a group chat with our other friend. I guess I have been friendzoned. I found out last night he has been chatting to other girls on dating apps. We never said out loud how we felt but there was something there and our other friend would often comment on it. I feel hurt that he has treated me this way and my question is do you think it is reasonable for me to ask him why he friendzoned me? I mean if it is the distance I get that but why go about things the way he did and not just talk to me. I am also confused because we have been talking about me coming to visit this year and he still seems like he wants me to but surely if he is after other girls then me coming over would complicate that? feel very disrespected right now but I don't want to lose his friendship either.

Edited January 12, 2022 by Beebop1234
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[Wiseman2]

It's ok to have gaming friends. However you never met and are not in a relationship.

Distance yourself from this.

If you would like a BF, get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting local real life men.

[stillafool]

5 hours ago, Beebop1234 said:

I am also confused because we have been talking about me coming to visit this year and he still seems like he wants me to but surely if he is after other girls then me coming over would complicate that? feel very disrespected right now but I don't want to lose his friendship either.

Well it's obvious he's talking to other girls too so for all you know he could be inviting them to come over as well.  If he were interested romantically I doubt he would put you back in the friendzone chat and talk privately with another girl.  I would forget this guy if I were you.

[glows]

5 hours ago, Beebop1234 said:

Hi so I have been chatting to a friend that lives in America, I live in the UK. We are gaming buddies and have been chatting for 5 months, the majority of that has been flirty and suggestive. We have a lot of things in common and get on well. Just before Christmas he stopped messaging as much and then he put me in a group chat with our other friend. I guess I have been friendzoned. I found out last night he has been chatting to other girls on dating apps. We never said out loud how we felt but there was something there and our other friend would often comment on it. I feel hurt that he has treated me this way and my question is do you think it is reasonable for me to ask him why he friendzoned me? I mean if it is the distance I get that but why go about things the way he did and not just talk to me. I am also confused because we have been talking about me coming to visit this year and he still seems like he wants me to but surely if he is after other girls then me coming over would complicate that? feel very disrespected right now but I don't want to lose his friendship either.

Things seem very black and white for you. A person who flirts with you doesn’t necessarily mean he’s interested romantically. It only means he enjoys flirting. You might have misunderstood his behaviour and assumed he intended to date you or had feelings for you. 

Friends will offer their opinion and most will find the need to say things that are not true so you feel better and more encouraged. Your friend might not have wanted to hurt you. 

It sounds like the invite to his country is a friendly gesture. If you are looking for more than that, don’t go. Stay where you are and meet single, available, decent men in your town.
 

[ShyViolet]

Please put this in perspective... this is a person who lives in another country who you have been chatting with virtually, who you do not know in real life.  Don't confuse this with an actual relationship or connection.  For whatever reason he has moved on from this little fantasy.  You should accept that and do the same.  You're making way too much of this.  Let it go and move on.  Try to date actual guys who live in your area.

[ExpatInItaly]

21 hours ago, Beebop1234 said:

we have been talking about me coming to visit this year and he still seems like he wants me to but surely if he is after other girls then me coming over would complicate that?

I think you can assume that if he meets another girl that he likes, your trip will be off. 

It sounds as though he was just chatting and flirting to pass the time, and unfortunately your feelings got mixed up in it and you took it more seriously than he did. However, you're also an ocean apart and have never met. It's important to recognize that this isn't really viable and likely was going to stay firmly in fantasy-zone. 

Personally,  I would not have a chat with him about why he has put you on the backburner. It will be awkward and while I get that it's disappointing, he doesn't owe you anything. Simply start taking your space and let go of the idea of developing with him. 

[smackie9]

I get it…a guy pays extra attention to you, you only assume that he’s pursuing you specifically. BUT you prefer to focus  on one. He is not like you. He’s getting at what he can get at. He’s no hopeless romantic, he’s a flirt, horndog dude. So you are not friend zoned, you are on his options list. Sure there are some that like to invest their heart to someone, he’s out there, but the reality is you have to navigate through all the crap to meet him. So let this be a life lesson …what you see may not be what you get.