MadWoman30 Posted January 12, 2022 Share Posted January 12, 2022 Hey everyone, I'm so silly I had a affair for a long time with my ex-boss. I admitted my affair to my spouse and we are working through things this was 1 year ago. The affair was from 2018-2020 or so. All of a sudden I'm struggling once again and it's come from nowhere. We went no contact once it all came out. He then contacted me in May 2021 it was civil but I did write back like a fool. In September I decided enough was enough and said no more and stepped away and I havent heared from him since. But now I'm still thinking of him and what he's doing and is he with her etc its eating me up inside. He told me I was his everything and wanted to be with Me and all the rest. He tried yo get back into asking for pics etc when he came back into my life. There was lies after lies after lies. Why am I still like this?? The final push was I thought I saw him drive past me earlier and my heart stopped. Sorry for the ramble. I just want to feel me again. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted January 12, 2022 Share Posted January 12, 2022 It’s better not to respond to any messages from him in future. It’ll take awhile to readjust and focus on your marriage if you were talking with him all summer 2021. Expecting an instant “do not care” attitude is not realistic since you let him back in recently. Did you both ever meet up in person or engage in anything physical? Does your husband know that you were still speaking with him in 2021? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 12, 2022 Share Posted January 12, 2022 2 hours ago, MadWoman30 said: we are working through things. now I'm still thinking of him and what he's doing and is he with her etc its eating me up inside. Unfortunately this doesn't sound like you are "working on your marriage" when you are this preoccupied. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MadWoman30 Posted January 12, 2022 Author Share Posted January 12, 2022 We did meet up for 6 months with lots of physical going on. I fell pregnant and had an abortion at the end of the 6 months. It's such a mess but why am I still like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MadWoman30 Posted January 12, 2022 Author Share Posted January 12, 2022 He was my boss, I used to go there after work etc its so sordid Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 12, 2022 Share Posted January 12, 2022 1 hour ago, MadWoman30 said: It's such a mess but why am I still like this? IDK but sooner or later your husband will find out you are at it again when you start back up and will leave you for good this time. After that maybe you'll get a clue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Luna66star Posted January 12, 2022 Share Posted January 12, 2022 Why don't you separate from your husband. It's obviously not working and you keep finding solice in another man. The unhealthy spiral will continue if something is not done. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Myabee Posted January 12, 2022 Share Posted January 12, 2022 4 hours ago, MadWoman30 said: Hey everyone, I'm so silly I had a affair for a long time with my ex-boss. I admitted my affair to my spouse and we are working through things this was 1 year ago. The affair was from 2018-2020 or so. All of a sudden I'm struggling once again and it's come from nowhere. We went no contact once it all came out. He then contacted me in May 2021 it was civil but I did write back like a fool. In September I decided enough was enough and said no more and stepped away and I havent heared from him since. But now I'm still thinking of him and what he's doing and is he with her etc its eating me up inside. He told me I was his everything and wanted to be with Me and all the rest. He tried yo get back into asking for pics etc when he came back into my life. There was lies after lies after lies. Why am I still like this?? The final push was I thought I saw him drive past me earlier and my heart stopped. Sorry for the ramble. I just want to feel me again. They lie! Do not respond. Put this fire out rught away it's complete heartbreak. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MadWoman30 Posted January 12, 2022 Author Share Posted January 12, 2022 It won't start up again I won't do it to myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Birdies Posted January 12, 2022 Share Posted January 12, 2022 (edited) Block him. "It won't start up again".... famous last words. Do you REALLY mean it? Then block him. Done. Edited January 12, 2022 by Birdies 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted January 12, 2022 Share Posted January 12, 2022 (edited) My only personal view on this.... I see two related but even so different problems that should perhaps have also own solutions. First things first, the relationship you still have with your spouse, a one that is not what it seems to be what, IMO, should. As he is not your only one, so if factually as if in your desires, there is not a good reason to be there. Not at least for him, but neither for you. End it as gently but also as honestly as possible, even if you decide that you will not go on with the other man. The second choice you may have....once you get the above said clean conditions to choose. Is a relationship with that other man a worth living path, a one you would be proud to take? Think on it. Best wishes. Edited January 12, 2022 by Uruktopi Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 12, 2022 Share Posted January 12, 2022 (edited) 9 hours ago, MadWoman30 said: But now I'm still thinking of him and what he's doing and is he with her etc its eating me up inside. Have you ever seen a therapist? I think some cognitive behavior training would do you well - You continue to fall into the same thinking patterns, which reinforces the same thinking pattern… You need to develop better coping skills, so some serious self reflection, and develop new thinking patterns - just my humble opinion. I too think you should consider divorce. One doesn’t get pregnant with another man’s child and then decide to “work on her marriage.” And, how exactly would you feel if your husband was trying to reconcile with you and you learned that he had been in contact/was perseverating on his affair partner. What you are doing to him is cruel. Edited January 13, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 (edited) Double post. My apology. Edited January 13, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 Does your H know that you were pregnant with your AP's kid as recently as last summer? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 (edited) 9 hours ago, MadWoman30 said: We did meet up for 6 months with lots of physical going on. I fell pregnant and had an abortion at the end of the 6 months. It's such a mess but why am I still like this? One doesn’t engage in a complex, dysfunctional relationship, get pregnant and abort a baby, disclose this kind of betrayal to your husband, end the other relationship and walk away as if nothing happened - It’s been a matter of months. It’s going to take more time than that to get yourself and your life in order. Edited January 13, 2022 by BaileyB 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted January 15, 2022 Share Posted January 15, 2022 On 1/12/2022 at 7:29 PM, MadWoman30 said: It won't start up again I won't do it to myself. Interesting you didn’t say “ I won’t do it to my husband “… I have been in a similar situation in that I had an affair and reconciled with my husband. I worked through my issues in therapy -what led to the affair etc before I we got back together. I had to make sure staying together was the right thing-I couldn’t risk hurting him again -I had made enough bad choices . Therapy is a good suggestion turn your attention to your marriage abs whether it’s right to stay in it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 23, 2022 Share Posted January 23, 2022 On 1/12/2022 at 2:49 PM, MadWoman30 said: Hey everyone, I'm so silly I had a affair for a long time with my ex-boss. I admitted my affair to my spouse and we are working through things this was 1 year ago. The affair was from 2018-2020 or so. All of a sudden I'm struggling once again and it's come from nowhere. We went no contact once it all came out. He then contacted me in May 2021 it was civil but I did write back like a fool. In September I decided enough was enough and said no more and stepped away and I havent heared from him since. But now I'm still thinking of him and what he's doing and is he with her etc its eating me up inside. He told me I was his everything and wanted to be with Me and all the rest. He tried yo get back into asking for pics etc when he came back into my life. There was lies after lies after lies. Why am I still like this?? The final push was I thought I saw him drive past me earlier and my heart stopped. Sorry for the ramble. I just want to feel me again. I'm sorry, MadWoman30, I think you are hanging on to dreams. Dreams can be powerful to the unconscious mind even if there is no chance of them coming true. We cling to them because they seem to offer hope. They are fiction though. The guy lied to you, you said. What did he lie about? After all, you were going behind your spouse's back too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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