X-Temp Roommate

[LavenderLady]

I have a most recent x who basically can't get housing. I let him stay, this last 5 weeks then it's over. I feel guilty even chatting online with other guys. I let him do electronics or fix things on my phone as favors. But he already picks on me for downloading a dating app.

I need to not feel guilty. I am not responsible for supporting him when I really have for almost 2 years straight. I just don't want him to berade me for being attracted to or communicating with other guys. I owe him nothing. I broke up saying we just are too different thus we can't continue as a couple. It's just very confusing trying to pry him out of my life  Maybe others have been in this kind of situation?

[Happy Lemming]

2 hours ago, LavenderLady said:

I have a most recent x who basically can't get housing.

 

He isn't your problem, he is an adult responsible for his own basic needs.  (Food, shelter, & clothing)

He can get housing, he chooses not to for whatever reason.  He can rent a room, crash on a friend's couch or stay at a flop house. None of these are probably as nice as your place, so he has decided to stay and you continue to allow it.

If he has established residency at your place, give him written notice to vacate.  If he won't leave voluntarily, have him evicted.

[glows]

3 hours ago, LavenderLady said:

I have a most recent x who basically can't get housing. I let him stay, this last 5 weeks then it's over. I feel guilty even chatting online with other guys. I let him do electronics or fix things on my phone as favors. But he already picks on me for downloading a dating app.

I need to not feel guilty. I am not responsible for supporting him when I really have for almost 2 years straight. I just don't want him to berade me for being attracted to or communicating with other guys. I owe him nothing. I broke up saying we just are too different thus we can't continue as a couple. It's just very confusing trying to pry him out of my life  Maybe others have been in this kind of situation?

You’re looking for a rebound or distraction from the break up. Your ex and you need to separate and move on.

He’s probably hurt and trying to heal like you but he’s taking advantage of you too by not excusing himself and leaving. 

When you say five weeks, does that mean the five weeks is up and he’s leaving soon? 

[basil67]

I live in a very expensive city with little in the way of government or affordable housing, so I do understand homelessness.  And frankly, you've delivered more than most would in terms of allowing him to stay with you.   However, what I don't understand is why you allow him to have a say in who you date or the apps which you download.   At this point, he's a flatmate and is not the slightest bit entitled to have a say in your dating life.

I believe you need to deliver an ultimatum.   Something to the effect of "This is my house and you are living here for free/cheap rent.  I will live as I please. If you continue to raise issues with me dating and living my life without you, I will ask you to leave".   Of course, don't give the ultimatum if you're not prepared to follow through. 

Edited January 14, 2022 by basil67

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, LavenderLady said:

. I am not responsible for supporting him when I really have for almost 2 years straight.

How long were you dating? How long have you lived together? 

Is it your place? You're not a homeless shelter. Let him move in with friends or family or look for affordable housing.

Why bother talking to others on dating apps when you are still living with him?

Sever all your finances and accounts. Stop accepting free tech work. Have your devices checked for malware and spyware. It's foolish to allow him access.

But worse, is living with someone you have this much unresolved business with and using dating apps when you are in no position to date.